You can dress it however you please, but this is the same house where we saw Sally Sparrow discover that she couldn’t “Blink.” Anyway, that’s a mystery I am sure even Poirot could solve. The exterior is one thing, but the inside is possibly the more interesting problem. This is the typical teen-slasher for a family audience without much going on. No matter who you are, I don’t think you’ll ever call “Knock Knock” a great Doctor Who story. It is easily outside of the top 50, for sure, maybe 100 with a rough memory struggling to find all the episodes.

Here is a tip for young students looking to get a flat or house with their mates: Don’t sign anything from a creepy old man without your lawyer first. If you don’t know why you need a lawyer, figure that out first. Yes, I know, if we didn’t have stupid teenagers in horror, what else would young men from the 40s-80s have used as foreplay to grope young women? Ok, to get back on track: Don’t grope young women without consent (of any age) and horror could have more conceivable teenage/young adult stupidity. Something done in a blind panic tends to cover that.

Once again, we’re focusing on Bill as if we need to establish her character four episodes into her one and only series, and we do so with a haunted house. The truth of the matter is that I don’t hate “Knock Knock.” In fact I think it is something that would have gone much better as a two-parter, allowing for some actual suspense to build. Sadly, following all of this episode, I don’t want to see anything return. I don’t want to see David Suchet, Bill’s friends, or even the monster of the week, a collection of space woodlice that feed on people. None of it is interesting.

We’ve established Bill is gay. We know that, so we didn’t need the tall Scottish one awkwardly hitting on Bill. Also, can we make it clear that the Time Lords aren’t a species? They are Gallifreyan, and only the high Gallifreyans become Time Lords, so it is a title or a genetic modification of a species at best. The point that I am trying to make is that while we’re slow-burning these details into series, the story could have also gone a touch slower instead of 12 minutes of the monster in the house, 15-20 minutes of build, about 5 minutes of the resolution, and 2 minutes to tease what plays a piano in the Doctor’s vault.

I wanted more, but not another episode three regenerations down the line. I wanted enough to make Suchet seem even more convincing. Make me believe he is the alien or man stuck in a time bubble of some sort, something to make his desperation hit harder later on. We are basically doing another reveal like Jamie from Moffat’s “The Doctor Dances,” he did it because that was the only thing he knew to protect those around him. The trouble is, I don’t feel for him, nor do I feel for Bill’s friends as they’ve been eaten by the house. Though that could be a result of “Smile” also having bug-like creatures festering in the wall that eat people.

Nothing seems original or fresh enough to say “ahh, I like this!” It is all the ideas that worked before mushed into one episode. The house is Wester Drumlins, the bugs do the same as the nano-bots from “Smile,” the story is a mild-mannered teen-slasher, and the so-called villain is just a child all grown-up trying to protect someone he loves. I have no one to hate or root for and nothing was suspending my belief that the Doctor would somehow find a way out and at the very least save Bill. The most interesting thing is the vault, and I know why whoever is in there was happy to hear about a house that ate teenagers.

“Knock Knock” isn’t a bad episode but it isn’t a good one either. It is technically proficient but lacks enough of anything to make it more memorable than that episode with Poirot. David Suchet’s performance, despite being well-aimed and (in terms of Suchet’s portion) well-done, didn’t unease the way I think it should have. Nothing worthwhile, such as the friends hanging out and getting picked off, had time to breathe to take the episode from inoffensive to worth watching again. At best it was a superficial attempt to make the slasher genre worth watching, with only enough depth to drown a small number of bugs.

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Doctor Who "Knock Knock"

5.5

Score

5.5/10

Pros

• David Suchet's solid performance.
• A nice group that I'd like to have seen more of.

Cons

• The use of the teen-slasher genre without much to it.
• Tired writing not bring anything refreshing.