I’m not even in the mood to make the music reference, and I think that’s the sign of how poorly I think of Steven Moffat’s fourth from last Christmas special. Sure, we’ve got Frosty-Claus and I do love a bit of Nick Frost. However, even his somewhat evil Santa can’t save a bland and boring episode tormented by the fact we’ve got the return of Clara after her walk off into the sunset. There is also more nonsense with the wonderful Samuel Anderson playing Danny again.

Everyone loves a base under siege episode, especially one with Noddy Holder. Ok, maybe people just love Noddy because “It’s Christmas!!!” Anyway, there are head crabs that induce a dream-like state that slowly kills you, not exactly the weeping angels of course, but then again most of the time you’re too high on stuffing and gravy to see clearly after 5 PM on Christmas day. However, even beyond non-claw-based comma inductions to the land of “whatever” the episode still isn’t fun, interesting, or colorful, like Spider-Man: No Way Home was. You can have something that’s a bit shaky in terms of script, but you need something interesting or fun in there too.

I really can’t say I like Paul Wilmshurst’s direction, everything is too soft or dark. The dream state is flooding Clara’s face with light and the surrounding areas are too out of focus. Every second shot is a soft-focus close-up to try and make the backgrounds interesting. It is a great way to get around the pedestrian setting of a polar expedition base and some London house that two high-school teachers couldn’t afford but that doesn’t make for an interesting-looking episode. It makes an already dull and not-so-fun episode a slog to get through at nearly 60-minutes.

Because it is predictable and continuing to be as toxic as ever, I can’t help but just get bored by everything it has to offer. Danny attempts to be charming and sexy, Shona is very much what Jodie would turn out to be in some ways, and Clara and the Doctor’s relationship is still one of hate-hate. There are good moments though, such as Peter flying the sleigh happy as Larry, Christmas dinner with nan, and Frosty-Clause doing some of his nonsense. However, once again, none of it was particularly interesting, new, or fun. It was going through the motions in ways that made the entire episode feel much longer than it actually was.

The number of beds and number of people in the expedition base was a quick giveaway, prolonged by the idea of letting the whole episode be resolved by the handwaving of “it was all a dream!” I hear that is the best way to get out of a story in fiction. That has never upset anyone in history Steven, not one person. My sarcastic tone is simply a contradiction to the boredom from such a long episode that not only went nowhere but set us back to the place we were before the finale of series 8. So why did we go through all of that hatred, venomous hostility, and lies, just to have a great big reset button in the worst way?

Overall, “Last Christmas” wasn’t the worst episode of Doctor Who, nor is it the worst of Peter’s Christmas episodes. That would quite easily be “The Return of Doctor Mysterio,” while at the top end of the spectrum is “The Husbands of River Song” followed closely behind by Mark Gattis’ performance in “Twice Upon a Time.” As a horror episode, it wasn’t scary. As a Christmas episode it wasn’t fun, which doesn’t make for a great episode overall, but what is worse is the ability to remember any of it. Outside of Nick Frost playing annoying/weird dream Santa, there isn’t much to think of or quote. At the very least, I can still remember midshipman Alonso and Bannakaffalatta.

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Doctor Who "Last Christmas"

4

Score

4.0/10

Pros

• Samuel Anderson is always great on screen.
• Acting overall is spot-on.
• Frosty-Clause.

Cons

• Such a dull episode.
• Dreadful direction.