The Kingdom Hearts Series Is Coming To PC

Have you ever looked at the character design of the lead for Kingdom Hearts? He looks like a teenage woman that hasn’t grown out of My Chemical Romance or Disney. I believe that is the exact sound of the Square Enix contact that Alexx has leaving with a disgruntled moan as to while I am the most horrible person, and texting the hit squid they have tracking me to take the shot. I’ve never actually given the Kingdom Hearts series a proper shake, as I am short on time and I want to beat a duck to death with a dog.

Well, now I might be able to, as yesterday in a surprising announcement that oddly wasn’t telegraphed by major leaks or teasers, the Kingdom Hearts series is finally coming to PC. Starting out in 2002 with the reasonably named Kingdom Hearts, and the less reasonably named Sora, you travel the world of many different classic Disney properties with a cross-section of Final Fantasy sprinkled in. I say “Classic,” but the third world is the Olympus Coliseum, though sadly I don’t remember there being “The Gospel Truth.” Over the run of three console generations kicking off, the game has been remastered and bundled with more complicated names. Dream Drop Distance is a particular example where non-fans question the number of drugs consumed.

Providing you are not of the persuasion that the Epic Games Store is the evilest thing to happen in the universe since Xehanort ate Brussel Sprouts that one time, you’ll be in luck. Just over a month away, on March the 30th, you’ll be able to pick up all the Kingdom Hearts games with the strange named ones included. I’m looking at you, Birth by Sleep Final Mix via the Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 + 2.5 ReMIX. No, I don’t believe I fully understand a word I’ve just said other than it means I’ll get to watch a pantless duck get beaten up by heartless ghosts, again.

The four games available via the Epic Games Store are the HD remasters/collection of the aforementioned 1.5 and 2.5 ReMIX (for $49.99) including both the first and second games, Re:Chain of Memories, 358/2 Days, and Birth by Sleep. Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter (for $59.99), the bridge between the first two games and the third (I believe), includes Dream Drop Distance HD, Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep – a fragmentary passage – (exclusive to this collection), and Kingdom Hearts x Back Cover, the last of which is a film. Then you have the final game (so far) in the main series, Kingdom Hearts III (also for $59.99) and its Re Mind DLC. Then there is a most recent game, only releasing last year, Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory which is a rhythm action game.

I’m sure if my colleagues were to be believed on the Mass Effect trilogy remasters, they would tell you that you already have a majority of the games, you don’t need them. I’d argue that while a majority of them might be over several platforms, PC allows you to up the graphics and possibly mod some things. However, I don’t have to tell you this, you are a Kingdom Hearts fan, you’ve already bought several copies of the game and will do so again and again. I’ll be joining you on a romp around Disney worlds, as I shout at a duck to shut up.