Keiran McEwen
Keiran McEwenA little bit of family drama here, and a bit of cribbing from Doctor Who there. Directed by Colin Bucksey, I’m beyond surprised that I get to say the next few things in order. Bucksey is probably best known for four episodes of Breaking Bad, three episodes of Better Call Saul, and two episodes of Fargo, but the English director did an episode of Bergerac, Z Cars, and Holby City alongside NCIS and Miami Vice. While The Golden Girls and 8 Simple Rules producer Martin Weiss joined Johannah Stokes for her second writing credit – the two wrote the teleplay. The story was developed by Weiss and Z Nation showrunner Karl Schaefer.
I don’t think any of the four want that credit though, as “Primal” is somehow worse than the standard ITV Primeval plots. So Fargo (not the one in North Dakota) gives Stark digital cancer while Allison gives him the divorce papers, and Carter is still learning stuff about the town. That’s right kids, it’s time for that weekly segment: “Is Eureka still finding its feet in season One?” Yep. Honestly, that’s the plot in a nutshell, and the depressing thing about that when trying to review it is that “Primal” is about as deep as a puddle of sperm. Can’t complain, that’s the medical term!
With Panic/Big Russ Thompson back, Jo suggests taking the dog that he was chasing in “Pilot” after it was hit by a car to him. Being Eureka, Taggart decides to use nanobots to heal the poor little fella, which does that very thing I just mentioned in the first paragraph, but is less interesting. While “The Empty Child” & “The Doctor Dances” do something very interesting, horrifying, and wonderful with the idea of nanobots to heal people, Weiss, Stokes, and Schaefer do the blandest things.
Fargo’s latest bit of tech to annoy the rest of town is simply a computer interface device that I’m sure has drivers that need updating every two weeks. A small blob on Stark’s neck, the device (red when active) is supposed to connect with his subconscious and bring up anything he simply thinks of. Yes, I’m surprised at the complete lack of hardcore pornography, but it does make sense that the self-centered, ego-centric, and “aren’t I so much smarter than the former Marshal turned Sheriff” would bring up business/ego maniac porn: Things about money, success, leadership, fame, and so on.
It’s all a bit paint-by-numbers, all a bit bleh, and honestly, I want to strangle whoever thought that a Lorena Bobbitt “joke” was relevant in September of 2006. Not only was it more than a decade later, making the WWE (WWF back then) more relevant on the topic, we’re talking about something in such poor taste that the fact John Bobbitt’s experience being a pornstar is less damning than the other news you can find out about him. The supposed reason for the incident was his alleged abuse of his then-wife and reported abuse of others thereafter. Doesn’t that make the episode so fun and lighthearted?
You might think, “Why are you making a whole paragraph out of a single joke that passes most people by?” Elise Meitner, or as the show calls her Lise Meitner, is highlighted as the woman who discovered nuclear fission. A great woman who should be lauded for her achievements, won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry, fled the Nazis, and ultimately fought against the use of nuclear fission for destruction. This is exactly the sort of person Eureka is supposed to highlight. But no, let’s make a meaningless “joke” that is about as relevant as the shade of paint on the Popemobile by painting the woman who was allegedly abused as the crazy one.
When that whole thing is a more interesting and relevant point to show how poorly written the episode is, you can tell the plot of nanobots reprogramming themselves to kill and somehow make copies of people wasn’t half as interesting as it should sound. While prior episodes set up and forget about some things, for the most part, Stokes and Weiss wrap the plots up. However, it is difficult not to wrap up plots that hardly do anything interesting, unique, or difficult. I’ve honestly seen Betty White and Bea Arthur deal with more complex and interesting plotlines, right down to explaining the gays and having Alan Shore get you off for murder.
I think I need to use my favorite example of how a plot even like this can actually work, Fast and Furious. The people we focus on in the Fast and Furious universe are not smart. They are dumb people who do dumb-dumb things and we see the entertaining success that results. Eureka is a show about smart people who can do smart-dumb things, so why is the plot hingeing on someone doing dumb-dumb things like leaving a jar of medical bugs open? When Eureka works, it is not a plot where someone goes cross-eyed and slack-jawed before saying “Aren’t I such a dumb dumb?”
Ultimately, “Primal” has one thing going for it and it’s going to be a long-term thing we’ve already spoken about, Jack and Allison’s relationship. The rest is tired tropes, underserved plotlines, bland and endless drama, and so-called “jokes” about as relevant to the plot as caveman paintings. The only things memorable are Stark’s inability to stop being egotistical (a regression from “Right as Raynes’” ending) and maybe Allison and Jack dancing, then kissing. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out this was a last-minute “quick, we need to write another episode” type of deal.
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13 Eureka "Primal"
Pros
- Highlighting Elise Meitner.
Cons
- "Lorena Bobbitt virus."
- A dumb plot filled with "smart" people.
- Stark's regression.
