Phenixx Gaming

Second Wind’s Yahtzee Croshaw once said, “Nazis are like Skittles in that you can rid the world of as many as you like and never get a bad taste in your mouth.” Yahtzee is absolutely right about that, which is why I’m disappointed in Wolfenstein: Youngblood. One significant item on the list of what puts a bad taste in my mouth within Wolfenstein: Youngblood is listening to the pair of protagonists talk to each other. As Youngblood is intended to be played in co-op, you and a partner each control one of the teenage daughters of the original Wolfenstein protagonist, B.J. Blazkowicz.

It is meant for co-op if you know any other people willing to join you for a playthrough of Wolfenstein: Youngblood’s campaign. Otherwise, you can play through the campaign solo with an AI-controlled partner. To Youngblood’s credit, its partner AI is pretty decent in my experience. That helps somewhat offset the fact that Youngblood also has a limited lives mechanic in which remaining lives are shared between both playable characters. If your AI partner could be why you have to restart missions multiple times, it helps if they’re slightly less likely to run headlong into danger and waste your finite lives.

Your main goal in Wolfenstein: Youngblood is to find out where the Blazkowicz patriarch has run off to, what he’s doing there, and why he went out of his way to make sure no one could find him once he disappeared. As you’d expect from a Wolfenstein title, there are legions of Nazis standing between you and your goal. I understand very little German, but I’ve realized while playing Youngblood that I would strongly prefer listening to the same dialogue lines being endlessly repeated in an unfamiliar language over listening to B.J.’s teenage daughters “banter” between each other.

I’ve often joked with people close to me that I’m actually quite a bit older than I appear. Some not-insignificant part of me strives to embody that classic “old man yells at cloud” joke from The Simpsons. I am not hip with the lingo of the youth, which amplifies how annoying the dialogue spoken by Jess and Sophia Blazkowicz is. I admit it was kind of funny watching the sisters vomit while in mid-celebration immediately after their first confirmed kill, but Youngblood’s writing only became increasingly grating to me from that point on.

Youngblood features a gameplay mechanic referred to as a “pep,” where the sisters can give each other temporary boosts to their health and armor simply by saying something encouraging. I’m sure I would find this adorable and heartwarming if it didn’t also require even more irritating, repetitive dialogue. To be clear, I don’t usually take issue with the protagonists of video games cracking one-liners at their enemies’ expense. I’ve even been known to provide those one-liners on the protagonist’s behalf in games like Sleeping Dogs. Let that emphasize how much I wish the Blazkowicz twins would shut up.

Honestly, I don’t see why Machine Games and Bethesda Softworks felt that a game like Wolfenstein: Youngblood needed to exist, other than so the latter could capitalize on the established Wolfenstein IP. I think this is the first instance where I haven’t enjoyed a video game about using really big guns to eliminate countless waves of Nazis.

I’m pretty easy to please because I’m ordinarily much more favorable towards such games. I’ll just let my profound disappointment with Wolfenstein: Youngblood serve as a testament to how much the decisions made during Youngblood’s development tarnished that entire idea for me.

A PC review key for Wolfenstein: Youngblood was provided by Bethesda Softworks for this review.

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Wolfenstein: Youngblood

$19.99

4.5

Score

4.5/10

Pros

• Combat generally feels enjoyable fluid and weighty.
• The idea of stealing silver coins from Nazis and using them to buy upgrades appeals to me.

Cons

• Grating spoken dialogue.
• Constant, tired, unnecessary co-op game mechanics.
• It’s hard to feel like the game doesn’t just use the established IP as a cash grab.