There are just some games you don’t pass up on reviewing, especially when that game is a PS3/360-era action game written by Suda51, produced by Shinji Mikami, and Akira Yamaoka throws a couple of instruments across the room. Suda51 most notably helmed the madness/brilliance that was Killer7, and Shinji Mikami directed Resident Evil and Dino Crisis, but also Resident Evil 4 and God Hand if you are partial to good games. Akira Yamaoka did the music for the Silent Hill series, Silent Hill 2 being his masterpiece alongside Rumble Roses. These were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect game. Did it work?

Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered isn’t a mix of sugar, spice, and everything nice, missing Chemical X. You play as Garcia G Hotspur, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the G didn’t stand for Goddamn, a demon hunter with a penchant for the lack of subtlety. After hunting down and killing “Puta Claus,” he runs home to find his partner hung herself (Desperate Housewives must have been a heavy inspiration) and a demon breaks free from her body, looking to take her to the underworld. One destroyed apartment later and a short interaction with Fleming Whatshisfaces, you get the line, “Your bullets have no bite. No… Penetration. You need more THRUST!!”

Armed with Garcia’s trusty gun/demon/motorbike/torch/friend, Johnson, you head to the underworld to find Fleming and save the blonde woman who’s already been objectified to high heavens. I guess by the quote and Johnson’s name, the other option was “Penis McCumFace.” Much like Killer7, Lollipop Chainsaw, No More Heroes, and other Suda51 written titles, the concept and ideas are already a bit off-kilter. No luchadors headbutting bullets out of the air this time, Shadows of the Damned might be his, Mikami’s, and Yamaoka’s least “balls to the wall” madness.

As a remaster, I don’t think there is much to say that hasn’t already been said of its original release. At least as memory serves. There are new costumes and a new game plus option, but if we’re honest, that’s standard by new releases for some reason. I understand that it is the Hella Remastered edition (not remake), but I’d go as far as to say the style is still the same with minor improvements to texture quality, probably to conserve the style of that PS3/360 era. Though on a more important aspect, there isn’t much done to the options menu either.

Aim Speed, X and Y inversion, an aim assist, subtitles, and a single volume slider, that’s your whack. Thankfully the graphical and system requirements aren’t intensive, and as far as I’ve experienced the frame rate sticks to 60 with ease. Modern PCs should find Shadow of the Damned: Hella Remastered easy to run since the system requirements are 10 years old at least. Even then, the improvements and refinements are slim, much more so than those found in Sony’s Until Dawn remake.

Shadows of the Damned is a very Suda51 game with some direction from Mikami and the idle thoughts that Yamaoka didn’t care about. Hardly the peak of either of the three men’s careers, the raunchy tale is left untouched, the gory style and innuendo-laden dialog are still front and center, and once again the blonde woman is still the object of Garcia’s obsession. The supposed “woke mind virus” that is reportedly censoring such a game where your gun (Johnson) is called in the upgrade tree “Boner,” is left untouched.

Shadows of the Damned, no matter what, is still a product of its time with crass and unapologetic humor, that to some has aged poorly. It is a fun, yet not-so-out-there 10-hour adventure through hell with innuendo thicker than a 1991 album. Shadows of the Damned is still a great game, but ultimately, I keep using the word “Still,” “Same,” and repeating what was said before. With a lack of more defined controller options I think I prefer aiming and playing with a keyboard and mouse, and without the ability to tone down the musical accompaniment I want to ram Yamaoka’s banjo up him.

I’d be hard-pressed to call Shadows of the Damned a perfect game because it isn’t for either of the three major names. Moreover, the remaster does so little to actually master what was already there with improvements. You can certainly tell Suda’s randiness is still there, Mikami’s horror themes are still there, and Yamaoka’s mildly interested soundtrack is also noticeable. However, with only a 10-hour run time, the incredibly fun and juvenile title is only worth it if you want to play it again and don’t have a PS3 or Xbox 360 on hand. Or the very slim possibility of having never played it at all.

A PC review copy of Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered was provided by GRASSHOPPER MANUFACTURE INC. for this review.

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Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered

$24.99

7.5

Score

7.5/10

Pros

• Still the great juvenile fun it was more than 10 years ago.
• Well-written, rock-solid penis jokes aplenty.
• New Game+, for those that need it.

Cons

• Very little is re-mastered to call it a remaster.
• Garcia is still as stiff as a Johnson.
• Scant options for 2024.