Prime Gaming - November 2024

I’m not even going to entertain the idea of running down the in-game and mobile tripe, because if Jeffrey doesn’t care, why should I? There is nothing but MMO stuff for the in-game nonsense, some of which is Halloween-themed despite it now being November. Meanwhile, no one cares about wannabe Wordle games, so let’s actually get to this month’s Prime Gaming games.

Already available because someone hates me, we have Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy, the only acceptable Guardians of the Galaxy because it doesn’t have some Pratt being a Pratt. You can claim this one via the Epic Games Store and if you already have it thanks to Epic, I guess you’ve got to suck eggs. I’ve heard Eidos-Montréal’s Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy is quite good once you get past the fact a Reverend’s clergyman isn’t there. That’s the sound of a wrestling joke flying over your head.

Also available currently is Mafia: Definitive Edition, via GOG. Released in 2020 the remake of 2002’s PC action-adventure (later ported to consoles) is generally favored. It is difficult to say too much about a game dramatically superseded by its sequel that practically everyone played, enjoyed, and played again. Some of us still wish some of those open-world ideas were in other open worlds, looking at you GTA, lacking refueling. It is a prettier-looking version of the original game, but I think most would call the second the superior title.

Now on to what is available throughout the month and we’ll start with this Thursday, the 7th of November. Another GOG code for you to get an email that you’ve “unlocked a new level,” Dishonored – Definitive Edition is a semi-sexy version of the first Dishonored game that reminded you Arkane can make good games after Arx Fatalis. If you play Dishonored – Definitive Edition at the same quality the PS4 version ran at, you’ll think the stylization could have been done better, looking a touch less defined.

If a great stealth/action title isn’t your thing, I think a Rogue-like precision platformer might be. Also available through GOG (there are quite a few), you will be able to pick up Duck Paradox. Released – hold on, I’m checking my watch – last month, Magic Games and Midwest Games’ platformer released into early access 2 years prior and made about as much of a splash as an Olympic diver. If you’re a fan of retro 2D platformers with precision shooting and jumping, you’ll be at home. The rest of us can move on.

Sadly we’re moving on to Bioshock‘s ex, Close to the Sun. A game that feels like: “Do you get it? The people of Rapture were getting too close to the sun, like the fable of Icarus ignoring Daedalus.” Jesus, it is like an SNL sketch of a pretty great game distilled into mediocre puzzles and playing at 0.3 speed. Storm in a Teacup did fine with this 2019 title, but if I have to hear another “Isn’t Tesla great and Edison was horrible?” I’m going to strap a Tesla coil to someone’s genitals and light them up like a Christmas tree. It is a fine game, but you’ve played better.

Unless you are criminally insane, Cars is the only decent film you can think of from 2006. This isn’t a significant statement given the film is near perfect, but the game? It is a 2006 PS2 movie tie-in game with the PC version ported by a Call of Duty support studio before it made the Bee Movie Game, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, and The Amazing Spider-Man games which weren’t amazing. It is also worth noting that this was also the time when tie-ins or ports could be dramatically different between platforms. As far as I know, the PC port is fine.

Both Cars and Bang Bang Racing are available through the Amazon Games App, with the latter being “A game with no purpose,” according to PlayStation Official Magazine – UK in September of 2012. I think I still have that issue somewhere. The trouble here is, if you’ve been around for long enough, you may already have Digital Reality Software & Playbox’s manic Micro Machines. Trying to fill that gap we had without Micro Machines games, it isn’t going to last in your mind too long.

In the final game of the batch on the 7th of November, you’ll be looking to Epic for this one as you’ll get Snakebird Complete. If I’m honest, I’ve not really played the highly praised 2015 puzzler from Noumenon Games, but maybe I should have. You control one or multiple titular Snakebirds as they try to get the fruit on a level before escaping through a rainbow portal (the gay agenda is at it again). Much like the old Nokia game though, eating the fruit makes your Snakebird a bit longer and each move is effectively a turn. So don’t throw your Snakebird into danger and get to the gay portals.

I’m not happy, I’m not happy at all. From the 14th you can hate yourself too via the Amazon Games App by picking up Ms. Holmes: The Case of the Dancing Men Collector’s Edition. Anyone with half a brain cell can figure out which company publishes that, and those who can’t are the target audience of Big Fish Games. Stop getting my hopes up with a Holmes game and then take it away from me with this midwifery. Released in 2023, I bet the gameplay is the same as every Big Fish Games game from 2006 onward.

Let’s go to happier times when Ukrainian developer Action Forms was making games and the country wasn’t under attack from a psycho. Very much a Doom-clone, Chasm: The Rift (sometimes subtitled The Shadow Zone) is a 1997 piece of “Eurojank” that was always looked down upon when it comes to its much more Western influences. Looking back, it isn’t terrible but don’t expect to see too much that’s refreshing or revolutionary. Unsurprisingly, this is one you’ll be looking to GOG to claim.

An odd choice up next, especially as it has only 2 reviews at the time of writing and was released 3 months ago. You’ll be looking to Epic this time as you claim House of Golf 2, a bedroom mini-golf game that is just that. There isn’t much else to say about it, it is irreverent, fun, and offers split-screen PvP. Exactly what you want.

If next month is Underworld, I’m throwing hands. A bit useless now, Tomb Raider: Anniversary is the original game of known tiger killer Lara Croft on her first adventure. Minus the whole pointy breasts. Available through GOG (of course) I’ll be surprised if this 2007 release even still runs on Windows 10/11. As we established earlier in the year, it is still a great game that many of us love, but you do have the much better (and definitely running) Tomb Raider I-III Remastered Starring Lara Croft for your Tomb Raiding adventures.

So we’re getting good games followed by poorly received Eurojank from the 90s and 2000s? Got it! Released in 2001 (open up GOG), Spanish developer Rebel Act Studios developed Severance: Blade of Darkness (just Blade of Darkness now) with all of its hopes and dreams of a high fantasy action RPG. Some are quick to now call it ahead of its time for being similar to the Souls series, forgetting to mention that old games are “difficult” for their unintuitive design through lack of thought/experience rather than well-thought-out design that hates you.

Moving on to the 21st, my idea that we get Eurojank followed by something decent is thrown out of the window. Available through the Amazon Games App, you can pick up Max: The Curse of Brotherhood, again. Another repeat of something we’ve seen throughout the years of Prime Gaming/Twitch Prime and so on, the 2014 puzzle platformer with a twist. Much like the Scribblenauts series, you too can attempt to draw phalluses with Max’s magic marker in his attempt to save his brother. However, it is clunky and you’d rather play anything else.

Onto GOG with Overcooked: Gourmet Edition, you too can walk to the kitchen, get a couple of slices of bread from the breadbin, cover the ears of a child, and call your significant other many different things. It is a couch co-op classic at this point, something we’re rather slim on if I’m honest. There is something about the act of plating up and shouting “Where’s the soup!” only to be told that’s what is on fire. There is nothing quite like Overcooked, especially if you want to find a missing family member under the patio several years from now.

There is also nothing quite like knock-off Big Fish Games games. Yep, it is time for the Legacy Games Code, the one thing you never bother picking up because pool cleaners aren’t going to… I’ll stop before my editor shouts at me. Released last October, Gloomy Tales: One-Way Ticket Collector’s Edition is a “spooky” game about solving puzzles you need to have dropped a tab of acid to solve.

Meanwhile, you need to smoke several spliffs (my editor will tell you not to do drugs kids) before the rage of Super Meat Boy abates. A precision platformer that is about so much precision that the only bit of the platform you’ll land on is when you pick up your monitor and stamp on it. A 2010 classic, I don’t need to sell a game that’s this old and classic to you because you either like it or you’ve destroyed a couple of controllers over it. Or chances are you already have it on Epic, which is where you’ll be picking it up here.

Odd that this one is through GOG though, especially given the fact it was released in 2022. Developed by Black Mermaid and published by Humble Games, Moonscars is a monochromatic 2D platformer with pixel art and a grim-dark setting, with the only color for miles being the red of a cape and lots of blood. Cue the 2D Soulslike comparison and how there are hundreds of these damn things. Can I go home now? As soon as you knew Moonscars was Souls-inspired, you either got turned off or heavily turned on.

The final game of the 21st, you’ll be going back to GOG to pick up 2019’s RIOT: Civil Unrest. Jokes I was about to make aside, Leonard Menchaiari wanted to highlight the real-world civil unrest we saw with the Arab Spring uprising, the No TAV, and other civil disputes prior to 2019. For the most part, the idea is great but the execution lands like a flaming bag with a turd in it down a riot shield. Without much definition to pixel characters, you see that humanity looks the same when it turns violent, while most objectives can be done fairly well without setting fire to someone.

On to the 27th of November, you’ll be heading to Epic to claim Elite Dangerous. Argued to be the best space-sim game, you can be a pirate, trucker, or gun for hire in the inky-black. Brilliant for VR, you can spend the entire time playing solo and enjoy playing space-trucking, or you can go online and start singing “The Parting Glass.” However, you need a degree in running a ship because it isn’t easy just trying plug-and-play.

From pretty good game to why I hate the internet with a passion, Sir Whoopass – Immortal Death. About as consistent as the average season of whatever skins are available in Fortnite, Sir Whoopass is one of those “meme” games that thinks it is funny because it is “so random.” Even the description wastes its first impression by telling you how kooky and fun it is by saying, “This game contains puns, dad jokes, [F]lappy [B]ird-like arcade mini-games, breaking of the 4th wall and jabs directed at tryhard-overly-serious-RPGS.” If Sir Whoopass was released in 2005 I’m sure its collector’s edition would come with a severed head of a baby with a Hitler moustache.

From what was available through GOG to what is available through Epic, again. Jurassic World Evolution is the 2018 management game about having no problems whatsoever as long as you don’t do anything stupid. That’s the problem with management games, they need something to make them a bit more exciting even if you follow the rules, otherwise, they get rather boring rather quickly. This is the case with Jurassic World Evolution.

Of course, the penultimate game had to be something terrible because I was lulled into a false sense of security. Let’s see if you can get this one, Mystery Case Files: The Dalimar Legacy Collector’s Edition. Available through the Amazon Games App, you’ll hope like me the entire Mystery Case Files dries up and forces Big Fish Games to finally sit up and make something that isn’t a reskin of that one game from 2005.

The final game of the month is a return to GOG and a release from this past September, Roboatino’s Shogun Showdown. A turn-based Rogue-like with Deck-building, there is plenty to say about it being just another one. However, Shogun Showdown is currently overwhelmingly positive on Steam and I have to admit I quite like the look of the art style. Maybe I’ll finally get into a Rogue-like Deck-builder, for once.