Given the number of times I said “Epic” when reviewing God of War Ragnarök, my love towards Star Wars: Battlefront 2 (the good one), and my general liking towards Battlefield 2042, I like things with large scale. Cue to an obvious joke about phalluses. That aside, Diplomacy is Not an Option is a very manly, big-scale (stop it, we’ve moved on) war thing in a time when you have to Age of Empires 2 yourself to victory. Developed and published by Door 407, Diplomacy is Not an Option previously released into early access in 2022 with a full release in early October of 2024. Hedging my bets if I’m a month late.

Very much the They Are Billions style of tower defense, more RTS than the Kingdom series, you make like the Wamdue Project and act like the King of your castle. Directing the serfs that work for you to fight anything that breaks through the walls and constructing more. I say the ones that work for you because Diplomacy is Not an Option is one of those RTS-defense titles I like where you need to build up the fortifications, but it also has a simple story to stumble along to. After spending all the money on gold-trimmed curtains, the tax man returns penniless, chased off by the smelly people.

Turns out, the smelly people don’t like you anymore and you have to order the serfs to protect the most important thing in this godforsaken 13th-century hellhole, me. You do this by building up resources, making sure people are fed, and building up the armies to go out in search of things to tax and bandits to murder. I mean, lovingly reappropriate their lives in the name of their benevolent Bloody Baron. Though, again most importantly, keeping me and my castle from crumbling. We’re civilized in Madeupistan, it’s not France after all.

I will admit, I did have a small panic when (in the press-build) the tutorial went into an infinite loop while loading. On the surface, it might not seem too important given the simplicities of Diplomacy is Not an Option in terms of RTS-defense titles, though if you’ve been out of the loop for a while, it gets you up to speed. I will also say I quite appreciate that it is the basics, you are given free roam to complete the objectives however you like, and it is essentially five minutes well spent.

Quelling the rebellions from these tax-avoiding smelly people is not a 5 minute job. Instead, it is heavily about managing resources, keeping those already on your side from having a reason to rebel themselves and building that army you are going to need eventually. Not being a fan of the tower defense genre, bored by watching turrets as hordes come in by waves, there is a reason I’m calling Diplomacy is Not an Option an “RTS-defense.” It takes the very best of the tower defense genre and marrying that with engaging RTS gameplay, and with a hint of resource management on top.

Putting aside the fact I adore “active pause” in RTS, the story does what little it needs to do. Once you’ve settled the rebellion in your own back garden, family and friends start requesting your help with the King appointing you royal peacekeeper across the lands of the Great Kingdom of Inverland, the Gorgoth Empire, and the Terra Tenebrosa. Which I thought was a Swedish Black Metal band. It isn’t too groundbreaking and if I’m honest the little cutscenes of your Lord/Baron sitting in his room might go on a bit too long for comedic value. I’ll cut the joke that might get me firebombed by Dutch national anthem fans.

Under orders of King Ferdinand II the Fat of Samreignia, you drum up the resources around castles, build the fortifications, fend off impending waves, and sometimes dislodge the surrounding encampments to hold back the final attack. There are no two ways of going about the gameplay, you are the omnipotent god in the sky clicking on some buttons to order the placement of shacks, build the walls, and march the armies into place so the groundskeeper for the cemetery can collect the bodies. You might need to be conscious of where you place your buildings though, as despite some of them being fountains, people don’t walk through buildings.

If anything, that’s the thing that sticks with me when it comes to Diplomacy is not an Option. Expanding and building the surroundings of the castles is important, but land value skyrockets like we’re in late-century San Francisco. Each of your little men for your army costs people from the houses you build, each of which needs a great amount of food by the 30th day, each of which also needs workers from houses, and the cycle begins to spiral. Systems wonderfully feed into each other as they should, but also leads to that typical frustration with yourself over past-unknowable mistakes.

Again, Diplomacy is Not an Option aims to bring that epic size of battle, the hordes at the gates demanding blood or death. So eventually it can get a little overwhelming. As I say, the hordes don’t build to the billions within the first few moments, but if you’re ill-prepared, you can quickly get overrun by the hundreds of little dark figures storming the walls to lay siege to the battlements. In my case often manned by one or two archers, probably filling their boots with brown stuff.

Each level is based on a basic concept: You start new, you need to build up the forces and walls of the castle, making sure food is not an issue (for now), and on the final wave which comes intermittently throughout, you are set upon from every direction if you didn’t prepare. You see, as I glancingly mentioned, the final wave of each level is the most difficult not just because there are more in this wave. If you’ve left any or all encampments surrounding the castle to stand, these wannabe marauders will attack you from every side.

On some levels, this can get overwhelming. Not only are you building and clearing the surrounding areas, but between waves, while trying to manage resources, you have to scour the surrounding lands for encampments. The “active pause,” or whatever you want to call it, can help here or there but if you’re ill-prepared, you are going to have a difficult time no matter what. The final waves get pretty dicey rather quickly as every side can have issues if you haven’t cleared the forests properly. Again, you won’t know you’ve made mistakes until you are filling your boots.

Performance-wise, the early game levels are pretty solid. For the most part meeting or exceeding the requirements as stated on Steam, I found myself sticking to 60 frames per second easily. An occasional dip would happen here or there, but nothing too serious. However, for testing purposes, I did try out the largest map with all the resources turned up, with everything on max, and there were some performance hiccups there. In large skirmishes, there were occasional drops to the low 40s, though this was with hundreds or thousands of little figures running around and having a fight.

Truthfully, there isn’t much to say about Diplomacy is Not an Option other than it sets out to do something with the defense/RTS genre, it does it well and is appealingly quite stylized. There is very little to say is wrong or unnecessary, though I will bemoan the story-focused scenes attempting to be comedic but falling flat thanks to ill timing. Diplomacy is Not an Option is maybe not the best game you’ll play in the strategy genre, despite being very good, but certainly fun in shorter bursts from time to time. Ultimately enjoyable but not everyone’s cup of castle defense tea.

A PC review copy of Diplomacy is Not an Option was provided by Door 407 for this review.

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Diplomacy is Not an Option

$29.99

7.5

Score

7.5/10

Pros

• Solid systems feeding into each other.
• Great stylization.

Cons

• In busy sections, the performance can get a little dicey.
• Some of the "comedic" elements of cutscenes are painfully long.