Monday, I was like in Ted Lasso where Roy described beating someone at 4 AM with a heavy rope, dipped in red paint, and laughing at 4 AM. Let that be a warning Jeffrey. I’ll need to re-write Prime Gaming for October now. Tuesday, 343 Industries is now Halo Studios, or as most people call that, Bungie. Wednesday, Red Dead Revolver 2 is coming to PC after 14 years, Destiny 2 is sadly still a thing, and KillHouse Games have finally broken a year-long silence. Thursday, Nintendo will be sending the heavies around to Levi Hutchins’ house after the announcement of a Mario clock, and a not-very MMO wannabe-MMO has a demo soon.

From my psychotic ramblings and thinly veiled references to what is available on the Epic Games Store this week, a double bill of things you probably don’t care about. We’ll start with Empyrion – Galactic Survival, which is clearly a pinball machine with naked men bent over. No, it is another space-based survival crafting title that was released into the realm of early access in 2015, but unlike so many it actually saw release, in 2020 of all years.

If you’re one of those weirdos like my dad who cares about the actual survival aspect of survival crafting, then you’ve got a fun weekend ahead. You need to manage your oxygen, food, health, and all that boring stuff before you build a ship, get off the rock you landed on, and do a very No Man’s Sky thing. I don’t want to take a massive dump on Eleon Games Studios’ title, but Empyrion is very much everything I hate about survival crafting games and does so in a graphic style comparable to the PS1.

From one game that is another “Everything-Game,” to an “I can’t see anything” game. Outliver: Tribulation, is another one of those games that jump on the bandwagon of “we need a colon, but let’s not use an R-word.” With a title that means about as much as a politician’s promise, the description isn’t going to light much hope in you either: “A dark history comes calling in this ‘African Mythology meets Survival-Horror and Souls-like’ experience!” Great, I want more African mythologies in my games, but can I have one game that doesn’t have Souls-like attached please, especially as you use guns?

Part of the whole Souls-like subgenre is all about the weight of the weapon, and how powerful it makes you feel, but either a gun feels too powerful for these situations or it doesn’t feel like a gun. Moreover, from looks alone (because I’m clearly a Pierre-Auguste Renoir painting) it feels very much like a My First Unreal Engine game, with minimal assets, samey-spongey enemies, and a lack of cohesion between the gameplay and the actual story. There’s a reason only 35 people bothered to review it on Steam.

All this week you can pick up Empyrion – Galactic Survival and Outliver: Tribulation on the Epic Games Store until the morning of the 17th of October. Moving on it is a repeat of Invincible Presents: Atom Eve, the visual novel tie-in game to the show Invincible, which I’ve yet to see or care about. Kardboard Kings also joins Eve, as you run a trading card shop like your name was Jeff Albertson, but build your own deck and beat customers. Who needs that Japanese trading card company and their racist plumber?

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