It’s been a somewhat light week on news, so let’s get to Monday, where the sun saw fit to rise so another Rogue-like was announced to be released in September, and The Violinist is Violin Hero. I want to see Joseph Joachim out there like Slash. Tuesday, the new gay magic dating sim, also known as Dragon Age: The Veilguard, got an October release. Wednesday, Final Fantasy XVI brings the series’ most fearsome hero to strike fear into the hearts of foes… Clive, to PC next month. Thursday, Xbox has new accessibility controllers, some of which are far too expensive, and Geoff did a Geoff thing which Alexx rounded up.

Moving on to the Epic Games Store, we’ll start with Gigantic: Rampage Edition. The series started as a third-person shooter released in 2017 that was about as well received as a turd in the post, when after several months, development ceased and servers went offline a year after launch. In 2023 the servers would return and the game would relaunch earlier this year, dropping the free-to-play model, to about as much fanfare as a fart in a crowded lift. At its core, Gigantic: Rampage Edition is a MOBA with a hero shooter jammed in, trying to be the best of both mid-2010s worlds.

From colorful MOBAs to Dead Space: The Frustrating and Consistently Smug. For the people who like The Callisto Protocol, good for you, I stop at Dark Souls and the ilk when I want to be beaten around the head with sticks. The Callisto Protocol is a survival horror in the vein of Dead Space yet it forgot what made people like that one, which I can’t understand in the first place. Both have a propensity to strike up the band anytime a monster jumps out into the only light, which also happens to be two inches from your face and goes no further.

The Callisto Protocol is to horror what Eli Roth is to popular nerd culture, a waste of perfectly good talent on things they just don’t care about. There is a want to be survival horror but quite frankly it is more frustrating than building tension and popping that at the perfect time, you know like good horror, the kind you can take home sometimes and have muted carnal relations. Instead, it bangs the saucepans, shouts a lot, throws the cutlery at you, and then tells you it spent a lot on getting photo-realistic models and famous actors, so please be nice.

All this week you can pick up The Callisto Protocol and Gigantic: Rampage Edition on the Epic Games Store until the morning of the 29th of August. Oh joy, I’ll have to talk about Prime again soon. Onto next week and it is some stuff you already have repackaged and a game you probably don’t care about: Fallout Classic Collection (1, 2, and Tactics, again), as well as Wild Card Football which is that NFL-style of “football” where you have a designated person to foot the ball. I can’t wait to not care.

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