Ahh, Marty it’s been two months since I wrote about Picard, it feels weird to be back in this authoritarian future. I hope they have Jaws 20 by now. Written by season 2 staff writers, Christopher B Derrick and Kiley Rossetter, “Assimilation” slings us around the moon and back to the future of 2024. Directed by a woman called Lea Thompson, she’s not really known for much; she directed Schooled, Young Sheldon, The Goldbergs, Stargirl, and some other gubbins. She’s probably best known for some midwifery in the show Switched at Birth.

Picking up where we left off with “Penance,” the group has stolen a Borg Queen and plans to Kirk it around the sun and the moon. However, they were caught by the xenophobic, isolationist, authoritarian psychopaths in this future Q created. In the attempted escape Elnor was shot – which I had to go back to check sadly. The point I’m getting to is that we’re once again watching our heroes of Canton shoot the villains away. You know, the most Star Trek and Jean-Luc Picard thing to do?

In the attempted escape Queenie is knocked out of her Sims-like unit she’s been constrained to effectively keep her “under arrest.” I said it last time and I’ll keep saying it until I’m blue in the face, Annie Wersching is perfect for this role. By Jove she understood the role and mannerisms down to a T: That crawl towards Pill’s Agnes with only her torso, but keeping her stomach area up like she has massive amounts of strength, that’s horror movie stuff. She’s not just fantastic, she’s perfection.

So two and a third of an episode in we’re in this far flung future, a time of great importance and in the case of Ireland great unity, 2024. Now we get to the “and so it begins” as we descend into the bowels of the series of which we won’t really get back from, let’s be honest. We might be in 2024, we might have Raffi and Annika getting their lesbian on, and we might have Annie beautifully playing the Queen, but it is still depressing introspective nonsense that feels limited by its characters and world.

Landing like a banker on the pavement, Rios ends up in a “no documents” hospital, starting another romance subplot that is about as welcome as a banker in 2009. I don’t hate Sol Rodriguez or Santiago Cabrera’s chemistry. I don’t hate their acting together either, I just don’t care for romance subplots. That is something you might have noticed if you’ve read just about any of my 245 TV/film reviews. It almost never feels natural. It is either too slow or too quick, and if not, it feels like an unwelcome interruption to a fine story.

I’m thinking similarly to the interjection of JL and Larris suddenly having a thing from “The Star Gazer.” At the end of the day, a romance subplot often feels like something to give a reason for two characters to be together beyond impending danger or wanting to be a good person by helping someone. Same with the sudden familial connections, why should I care about Elnor dying or Agnes suddenly viewing JL as a parent? I’ve not seen that, I don’t have that same connection and understanding, it makes no sense to me to care.

I care about the characters individually, for the most part: Picard and Annika most, followed by Rios as he had something interesting and philosophical going on. The rest of them just swear, get angry, and suddenly have queer relationships following a stolen glance in the season finale. However, we’re delving deeper into the “aren’t X and Y tortured souls.”

It will come to be in the next couple of episodes that Agnes finally does something interesting, “Assimilation” only being the beginning. Yet if I remember correctly the rest of it falls somewhat flat. It would be difficult to forget, it was only 2 years ago. The obvious direction we’re going with Rios as he helps Dr Ramirez and eventually gets picked up by ICE. That would work in any other show, but not here. Annika and Raffi’s snipping at each other and their bubbling queer relationship isn’t hard to spot either.

The problem I think I have with Picard, especially at this point is Jean-Luc himself or rather Patrick. Again, I’ll get into it with later episodes, but for a show with the man’s name attached, he’s about as central to the plot as Ramirez’s nurse, Gabi. Sure, here he is left in the crashed ship to help Agnes get into the mind of the Borg Queen and steal information, which is reasonably important. Though it goes back to the point I made with season 1, he’s a frail old man (Picard, not Patrick) recapturing glory. That’s how it comes across at least.

Picard, Agnes, and the Borg Queen’s plot is supposed to be part of the A plot, the thing driving us forward, but the focus feels more on Rios’ B plot. Meanwhile, the C plot is of Annika and Raffi searching for this Watcher, this McGuffin who does a thing. I’m just going to say it right now because I’ll say it a lot next week and beyond, it is mystery box tripe. Yes, we’re back to that old trick that makes Picard a lot less enjoyable to watch overall, never mind a second or third time.

Ultimately, I could do without the excessive swearing, murder, and nihilism in Star Trek, especially given that “Assimilation” was filmed during the pandemic. Where Star Trek typically holds up a reflective surface to whatever problems are faced at the time of the episode’s airing, “Assimilation” doesn’t say “things eventually get better,” it says, “No wonder this leads to the Confederation.” For lack of a better term, it is confrontational to those who just haven’t understood climate change and social injustices, and is depressing to those who do. I can’t wait for another 7 episodes of it.

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Star Trek: Picard "Assimilation"

6.5

Score

6.5/10

Pros

• Hook me up to this Agnes and Borg Queen story.
• Rios is one of the most Star Trek characters in the show right now.

Cons

• Excessive swearing, murder, and nihilism in Star Trek.
• Do we really need another romance subplot going on?