Well, I’m so glad Jeffrey and his underpaid minions didn’t stamp all over my Wednesday with these options for Prime Gaming for the month of May. As usual, you can pick up the in-game stuff from Madden 24, New World, Lost (T)Ark, no seriously I hate that logo so much, Battlefield 2042, F1 23, Apex Legends, and not very much beyond that. If you’re common to Waffle, Framed, Nerdle, and a couple of others, there are Prime exclusive daily challenges for you. Then of course, where available, included with Prime are Amazon Luna options such as Fallout: New Vegas, The Adventure Pals, and a couple more, two of which we’ll cover.

We’ll start off with what’s available as of yesterday and what would have ruined my day if I got this early enough, Tomb Raider: Game of the Year Edition. I have a lot of issues with 2013’s Tomb Raider reboot, mostly from the writing that I get to lay at the feet of Susan O’Connor, John Stafford, and of all people Rhianna Pratchett. The latter of the three is most notable for, yes being the daughter of Terry, but also writing Mirrors Edge and Thief (2014).

What annoys me about this 2013 reboot is that it is all big emotions and murder porn without the titular tomb-raiding you’ll find in the classic remasters. I know I am taking up two paragraphs when I commonly sanction one as enough, but I abhor this particular installment so much because I hold the original character so dear. What amazes me is that Pratchett went on to write Rise of the Tomb Raider which I do like, and O’Connor co-wrote the excellent Far Cry 2. You can pick up Tomb Raider: Game of the Year Edition via Prime for GOG.

Also available now is Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars, which is available via Luna alongside The Complete Saga version. Sadly this was where we started adding actual voices of the characters instead of Tom Kane making odd noises with different effects for pitch and such. They still made grunts or other non-dialog ways of expression, but the character of Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy is lost somewhat. This one is also available through GOG.

Moving on from what was available from the 2nd of May, I have to quote the description I have for this next one as it is too funny. “Prepare yourself for a heart-pounding tale of intrigue in this sensational […],” you couldn’t have libated me enough to where I wouldn’t find “hidden object puzzle adventure” obscenely hilarious. Available from the 9th via the Amazon Games App, Dark City: International Intrigue is a Big Fish Games game released on Steam in 2022. “Heart-pounding […] hidden-object” game, there is nothing funnier.

The 9th is particularly loaded by my understanding. Next up is something also available through Luna, Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition. What more is there to say about Bethesda’s first attempt at the third-person action-adventure version of Fallout with a dingy-green filter? A 2008 classic that is marred by the simple fact this is where we get the hellish “The Pitt” DLC and lore from. Available via a code for GOG, you can join the millions basking in the glow of a show starring Walton Goggins then play one of the games.

Occult, Germany, World War 2, supernatural, and alt-history, are all the keywords for “my first adventure plot in the 90s.” Dressed up in semi-crunchy pixel art – there is definition but not the most – you’ll indeed point and click your way through more than several attempts at humor in Nine Witches: Family Disruption. Playing as a young lad and what I can only assume to be his invalid uncle in a wheelchair, the two seek a supernatural solution to the supernatural problems facing them in Norway. Available from the 9th, you can pick this one up through the Amazon Games App.

Next, you get to play as a sparky played by Timothy Spall; in fact, I was shouted at the last time I referenced Auf Wiedersehen, Pet too much. Available through the Epic Games Store from the 9th, you can pick up Electrician Simulator which I think is sadly set in America or Europe, so you have to deal with horribly designed plugs, terrible circuits, and wiring that isn’t done properly. Yes, I am one of those who bang the drum of the British plug, it has so many safety features, there is even a wire that is brown. Why brown? The color of your underpants if you touch it.

Ah yes, what I need next after talking about crapping yourself for touching a wire is a free-to-play mobile game that is also available through Legacy Games from the 16th of May. 100 Doors Games: Escape from School is a game that I don’t know how to describe. It wants to be called a puzzle game but if that’s a puzzle game then Uncharted is the Dark Souls of puzzle games. Much like how Kotaku thinks the latest Taylor Swift album is the Dark Souls of Taylor Swift albums.

Also available from the 16th, this time through the Amazon Games App, and is a game with proper design, the eldest scrolls. Ok, being serious, The Forgotten City started its life in 2015 as a Skyrim mod, only later in 2021 becoming a full game developed by Modern Storyteller and published by Dear Villagers. Set around the early Roman Empire, you explore and uncover the plot of god and the existentialism of what laws mean. At only 6-ish hours long, you could probably complete it in 2 enjoyable sittings.

For some reason, we’re ending on the 23rd, despite the 30th being a perfectly reasonable Thursday by any measure of a Thursday to my understanding. The month’s offerings end not with a bang but the muffled fart of a Big Fish Games game, which even on the webpage for the game on Big Fish Games’ website is a 3 out of 5 as noted by 19 reviews. Do you know how bad you have to be to get that from fans of hidden object games? You just have to be Spirits of Mystery: Whisper of the Past, which says it all.

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