Prime Gaming – March 2024

I sat and worked it out. If every Prime subscription was paid in full in US dollars, that would generate Amazon around $32 billion a year, which doesn’t account for Prime Music subscriptions, sales on Amazon, or anything else; it also doesn’t account for costs, but the reported net income company-wide was $30.4 billion for 2023. Moving on, you can still pick up the tripe for Warcraft, World of Tanks, F1 23, and everything else. The point I am getting to is that despite that profit margin, Amazon isn’t paying lower-end staff well enough to live a proper life and that $30 billion isn’t stopping these repeats in Prime Gaming.

Starting on Thursday, the 7th of March, you can once again pick up Fallout 2. Or you can go ahead and buy the new anthology that was just announced for April, which includes all the Fallout games you already own because obviously you do. Still highly beloved and of course was one of the reasons many people still complain about Bethesda running the franchise, it was lampooned at the time for its lack of improvements over the first in the series which was released a year prior.

Also available from the 7th, and sadly is one of the few actual games with some effort beyond, Scarf is a 3D platformer in that generic indie attempt to be the mascot platformer we knew when we were young. It has a few puzzles here, a whole lot of jumping there, and a bit of color mixed with its generic brown/beige environments. Scarf might keep the sprogs entertained for a hot minute. I’m not trying to beat Uprising Studios around the head, but what follows has put me in such a cantankerous mood.

For the 14th you’ll want to break out the crackpipe because “oh yes!” it is a Mystery Case Files game. Ah yes, the high standard of Big Fish Games and its many hidden object games, we’re graced with the presence of Mystery Case Files: Moths to a Flame, the 19th Mystery Case Files game. The only franchise to give Final Fantasy 7 off-shoots a run for its money. If I have to talk about another Big Fish Games game again in my life, I’ll be making an early call to Dignitas.

Luckily you can pick up something else on the 14th of March. Too bad it is Invincible Presents: Atom Eve, which if you were quick around the time of its release back in November, you’ll already have. Free once again due to the release of Invincible Season 2 Part 2, it is another one of those overly cynical superhero shows. See The Boys, Watchmen, Suicide Squad (preferably the second one), Jessica Jones, Peacemaker, The Tick, and The Umbrella Academy. A visual novel-based title, you’ve already played it if you were interested, I don’t need to resell it.

Hear me out here, if I’m a Prime subscriber and my subscription is $139 a year, why in all that is the holy body of Jesus Henry Christ would I want to pick up a free-to-play game on Steam from Legacy Games? This is what has tipped me over the edge today (among other things), why is Pearls of Atlantis: The Cove here? I stopped covering the in-game nonsense for free-to-play tripe because I was losing the will to live. However, I don’t hate Alder Games’ free-to-play Little Mermaid-themed Puyo Pop knock-off infecting the good bit of Prime Gaming on the 21st.

It is ok, much like RocketPoweredMohawk I’m calm, I get to talk about Bus Simulator 21: Next Stop. Available from the 28th, this updated version of the Bus Simulator 21 release I reviewed back in 2021, you get to run a bus company and scream at passengers who decide to hand you $20 for a $1.50 fare. I am still not over that! As an F1 fan, it is rather obvious I’d say that driving in circles would be rather meditative, but it is true.

It is a sad day when I’m saying a middling simulator is possibly one of the better games for the month.

Oh yeah, I’m sure this one will fly well in Germany on the 28th, Through the Darkest of Times. Only a few hours long and mainly focused on the story rather than its strategy and overall gameplay, Through the Darkest of Times has you “lead an underground resistance group” against the Third Reich. I’ll admit, on the surface, Through the Darkest of Times looks to be heavily inspired by Papers, Please. Unlike the comparison, I’d argue it might lack the gameplay punches that would make the comparison fully deserved.

That’s it, I am booking a one-way trip to Switzerland for this crime against gaming. The third game in the series, Bridge to Another World: Secrets of the Nutcracker is the second Big Fish Games game on this month’s offerings from the 28th, through Legacy Games. Another hidden object, point-and-click adventure I’d rather not play. I don’t know how to talk about any of this excitedly.

“Something is terribly wrong in the toy world, and only you can help!” What if I don’t want to, Steam description? What if I want to set fire to the toy world and kick over the garden gnomes outside Santa’s house? $30 billion of income and this is the tripe we’re putting up with.