A simple question that popped into my head last week (as I write this) that seems pertinent to mention is, “why aren’t we reviewing Picard instead of Lower Deck‘s second season?” Did you watch Picard‘s first two seasons without the rose-tinted specs? Though it seems the team finally feels like they’ve watched not only TNG but also Picard itself, we’re just running the same Wrath of Khan story with Amanda Plummer. While I am reviewing a series that’s running back all the old stuff again, I’ve been burned by Picard before and I’m not letting it happen again. Also, that “Neo-Constitution refit” thing can get in the bin!

Anyway, time to abuse Harry Kim’s mate like he was Harry Kim. It is M Willis’ second episode “We’ll Always have Tom Paris,” and of course, the first thing we’re hearing outside of Tom is the mention of “Threshold.” This is where I put my angry hat on because “Threshold” is just the worst. In short: Voyager needed to get home, and once they did, it was mission accomplished. When Paris becomes the first person to travel a speed over Warp 10, there is a way home. The catch is that he (and anyone that travels this fast) turn into a lizard. This is unsurprisingly something very curable but let’s not use that because we’re stupid.

There are two things Brannon Braga (and Rick Berman for the latter) will always be on my “you did me wrong” list for. “Threshold” is the first of his offenses, and the choice of “Faith of the Heart” as Enterprise‘s theme is his second. I love the man for writing The Orville‘s “Midnight Blue,” but I’ll always hold his involvement in “Threshold” against him and anyone else involved. Especially anyone that reminds me of such an awful episode of television.

Back to “We’ll Always Have Tom Paris:” it is a fine episode but also isn’t anything worth writing home about. I’ve made allusions to it, but so far this season has felt like a slump as we find our footing again. To pull the curtain back on how these episodes are reviewed, I watch the episodes and write down some notes, write a few more when the episode is done, then take all of that to write several paragraphs in quick succession. This week I have the one-line notes on each plot line, “QUARK’S” with half a million exclamation marks, and a note about the green paint.

The A story focuses on Mariner once again, but after what seems like an obvious thing I’ve stated already, it is Mariner and Tendi in a story together. The two are tasked with getting a mysterious package for Doctor T’ana. It is a sex toy. Well, it is a box with an old Caitian sex toy in it that is seen as a great sex ritual within the Caitian culture, so of course Mariner has to be involved when the head snaps off the statue-like sex doll. Cue 20 minutes of the two trying to fix the statue to lesser effects with each attempt. In the end, T’ana doesn’t care, a classic trope of American comedy writing.

The B and C stories are a bit more left-field and generally don’t do much. Actually, C feels like it could have been the central plot, A could have moved to B, and Brad’s desire to get Tom Paris’ signature could have been placed in the bin, where it belongs. The C plot focuses on Baby Bear following the leader of the Bear Pack after he came back to life. Bridge Crew is always coming back to life in unexplained ways. All of this happens as Bradward is locked out of the ship’s systems because security was heightened due to the Pakled attack and he has yet to be implemented back into the system.

Where I think “We’ll Always Have Tom Paris” fails to capture me and produce copious amounts of notes, is the simple fact we’re not really moving anywhere. A good story always feels like it has forward motion, it has reveals that are relevant and we don’t stagnate focusing on ancillary nonsense. As much as we’re getting the pairing of Tendi and Beckett to explore some interesting ground on how Beckett isn’t a great friend, we’ve covered that ground before. This is why I think Shaxs’ story is far more interesting.

That said, the only two notes outside of the plot that I have are from the Tendi-Beckett story, as we see Tendi play into her Orion-base instincts. First off a franchise of Quark’s? I want to go and be hustled out of all my gold-pressed latinum at the Dabo tables. The second was “Honestly, this feels wrong. I mean, just please don’t take any pictures of me,” a line in reference to Mariner being painted green, which in itself is a poke at the number of people inexplicably pictured when “blacked up.”

In the second and last of M Willis’ episodes, I can see why Willis decided to move on to HBO’s My Adventures with Superman (which also stars Jack Quaid) releasing later this year. If I had to pick one of her episodes to watch again it would absolutely be “Much Ado About Boimler” because it is a far more memorable episode. It is also much more enjoyable to watch in the first place. Watching “We’ll Always Have Tom Paris” felt like a slog, which isn’t what you want to be said about a 20-minute episode of something.

“We’ll Always Have Tom Paris” has a moment or two that wakes you up from your lazy slump on the couch, but not for long enough to retain your attention the whole way through. It tried desperately to evoke nostalgia or any kind of love for Voyager as a series, but the second “Threshold” was mentioned I was lost to a bed of anger and hatred over the worst episode. Right up there with Bev’s granny playing with her 30-year-old sex toy that looks like a right clown.

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Star Trek: Lower Decks "We'll Always Have Tom Paris"

5

Score

5.0/10

Pros

• Shaxs is back, just don't how.
• Tendi playing into her instincts she doesn't like
• Quark's!!!!!!!!

Cons

• Don't mention "Threshold!"