Epistory Is Free On Epic

Monday, the answer to the question “what would one of those 2010 action shooters look like if it had breasts in it instead of sausage?” Wanted: Dead got a combat breakdown. Tuesday, Rumbleverse got an update amid Warner-Discovery’s attempts to get the world record on defecating the bed. Wednesday, Warhammer 40K finally got the memo that Hearthstone was a thing a decade ago, and the Forspoken PC specs were unveiled to the excitement of three people. Thursday, Returnal‘s PC release date was unveiled, and welcome back to my humble abode. Don’t feel free to look around, now clean it in PowerWash Simulator or I’ll hang you next to the T-rex.

Right, now my fun is over with, let’s get to talking about something that is as fun as playing 52-card pick-up with a pallet of bricks. This week on the Epic Games Store, it is misery and boredom in the form of Epistory – Typing Chronicles. Clearly, it is a methamphetamine addict simulator. No, it is typing tutor in that happy-clappy fantasy style that is about as inviting to those of you that might need a tutor as a pallet of 52 bricks to the face would be. It is cutesy in that papercraft style that is most notably in Tearaway. It seems both reductive and right to say Epistory is aimed at younger kids or the average Twitter user/owner.

The trouble I have with something like this is what I’ve said far too many times already. Dyslexia meant I could never connect with fantasy or typing tutors. From experience, I think if you want a kid to learn to type, you give them a Word document (or similar tool for writing), a spell checker, and tell them to write whatever story they want (no short-hand!). That’s far more likely to foster an ability to spell, write, and be creative than forcing them to stupendously persevere in the act of enervating me.

All this week, you can pick up Epistory on the Epic Games Store for free until the morning of the 26th of January. Moving on to the next week, it is something that is far from being the most exciting, Adios. You play as a pig farmer that wants out of the body-disposal work for the mob. This is an interesting premise that could provide a good amount of gameplay and story. To kill any excitement, it is a strictly cinematic tale that is hardly longer than it took to put today’s schedule together.