Prime Gaming – October 2022

I don’t know about you, but I certainly want to throw myself into a duck pond and hopefully drown, preferably from a great height too. Yes, it is that time of the month again, when the malady that plagues me is the despair of having to think of something reasonably nice to say about this month’s Prime Gaming offerings. As usual, the despicable free-to-play and season-pass-focused tripe that is being played still has “in-game content” available. From Red Dead Online to Deathloop, League of Legends to Roblox, PUBG to Fall Guys, and more, there is cosmetic tripe for everyone aged 11-12.

If the mood wasn’t the giveaway, the title of the first game will surely explain the rhythmic banging of my head against my desk, Fallout 76. In an act that I am sure the Geneva convention prohibits, Bethesda launched an MMO-focused title in the established single-player RPG series that should have stayed that way. Though trend chasing would invade the house of Todd, the phrase “build it and they shall come” never came to pass, and in fact, the entry is little more than a bad joke that has gone on for too long. Worse still, this is just in time to experience The Pitt: a horrible brown filtered hellscape of slavery, oh the fun!

We’ll get to what I assume to be the Legacy Games offering, i.e the hidden object/”game that interests the fewest number of people” bid for your attention. It is Glass Masquerade: Origins. Released in 2016, this beautiful but “casual” puzzle game has you putting the pieces of 20th-century stained glass windows back together in the background of a pocket watch. I say all of this as if I’m looking down on it, which I am in a way because it is hardly the go-to option among the hundreds of games that have been available through Prime Gaming or its predecessor.

Loom! Not just what is shouted at the children in sweatshops all across the world, but also the three people that hang on to memories of the 1990 LucasArts game by that very name. There isn’t really much else here to say, Loom is a 90s LucasArts adventure game pre Monkey Island that tried to Ocarina (I believe it is that one) before Ocarina of Time. Most notably praised by Sci-Fi and fantasy writer Orson Scott Card for its writing, which probably means someone gay gets beaten to death given his history of dated views.

Released in 2019, Horace is possibly one of the strangest experiences I’ve had. Take that as the backhanded compliment it happens to be for any 2D pixel-art platformer that happens to be a double-digit download, as Horace goes on and on. The idea of a game that is aimed specifically toward someone like me, who will reference Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, or other shows that don’t travel as well as some brickies, chippies, sparkies, and plasters, Horace should be right up my alley and it is to a point. Usually, that point is about the time when I said, “I’m how many hours in, and I’ve still got 6 more to go?”

A turn-based high fantasy pixel-art RPG with RTS battles? Yeah, Hero’s Hour puts me off with a simple glance, as proven by the storied history of being abrasive with fantasy. Fans of the older Heros of Might and Magic might be more at home than the Messiah of Moaning when it comes to fantasy, as it seems to be updating that style while retaining the older top-down visual. Released only this March, Hero’s Hour is the newest of the additions to your Prime Library.

I assume this will be the Steam or Epic key you’ll be provided, and will complete your collection (providing you already own the third) of Total War: Warhammer with this second release from 2017. Creative Assembly’s high fantasy take on the Total War franchise, you’ll command the overly designed monsters of the Warhammer universe. I can’t say too much for this one and I think it is evident why, given the only time I’ve cared for dragons and pointy sticks has been from FromSoft’s hands. Nonetheless, red wine for the blood gods and all that.

After last month and The Rings of Power, this one is obvious and annoyingly the one I’ve yet to even install despite owning it, Middle-Earth: Shadow of War. Released in 2017 it was courted by controversy as YouTubers were offered money to ignore the microtransactions and anyone connected to networks like Machinima contractually couldn’t say anything bad about it. It also caught copious amounts of fecal matter for that whole Shelob thing, where you can’t have a giant raging spider with a penchant for little hairy-toed men without her being conventionally attractive too. Despite Monolith’s efforts to write a monolithically dull story, the point is the orcs that made the first game interesting continue to be the star of Shadow of War.