Oh yay, the episode with an empire finding its way across the stars, I wonder how I could be bored by this? Possibly by the fact I’d completely forgotten this and Rona Munro’s “The Eaters of Light” existed, or maybe it is the whole God saving the queen here. This is the last of Mark Gatiss’ stories in Doctor Who, as far as we know unless he comes back to Ncuti and Russell’s era, and once again I’m going to say it. Mark’s episodes and I don’t always gel as well as I want them to. Often they are the more dark and gothic episodes with an apparent love for the Victorian era: “The Unquiet Dead,” “The Crimson Horror,” and this, “Empress of Mars.”

Another apparent love by Steven and Mark is to put in classic monsters with new Doctors. In this case, the ice warriors return and so does Alpha Centauri. The less I say about my observations of Alpha Centauri the better, as it is a very phallic-natured design. Anyway, the TARDIS crew breaks into NASA and I’ll hold my comments on the American accents not mixing well with the melodrama of Doctor Who, but the point is NASA has a fancy (handwave the specifics) camera that returns an image. “God Save the Queen” carved into the ice.

I’ve said before that Steven’s run of Doctor Who does have a problem with using time a lot. In short, do we need the year to be 1881? Sure, for the reveal that it is Victorians that are under the Martian surface. The point is that the episode could have crashed to the titles on that reveal with the thing that pulled the TARDIS here being a signal. It would have done the same job. Also, why didn’t Nardolle have the same concern over Missy in the vault here as he did earlier in the series?

I know I am being nitpicky, and the whole Nardolle thing is because wibbly-wobbly something-something about using him to request Missy’s help. Believe it or not, it is kind of my job to poke holes and question things. One of those things would be the pacing trying to squeeze everything in as if the editor was told “remember, we need this under 45‘.” This is more of an issue early on, and it does level out a short while later, but there are a few pronounced and jarring cuts at least in comparison with what is going on at the time.

Peter’s Doctor finally gets a moment to stand between two opposing species and talk them both down from pointing guns at each other, which is rare. Sure, some of it doesn’t work and the fact he doesn’t shout at anyone for playing with guns is a little annoying. Regardless, there is a hint of Doctor in there. I’d go as far as to say that the best bits of the episode were the performances of Peter, Pearl, and Adele Lynch, who played Queen Iraxxa. I would say they were the only ones that didn’t annoy me beyond the point of wanting to throw bricks at their heads (of course Michelle Gomez is lovely), but they weren’t overacting which is easy with something so melodramatic.

Ferdinand Kingsley, who plays Catchlove and is apparently in that The Sandman thing with Jenna Coleman, really got the short end of the stick. Not only due to the melodrama but also the lines that I am supposed to hate him for. That makes it difficult to say that he didn’t do anything for me. Maybe it was his face being as punchable as it was, the lines about empire, or generally being a military man in an episode of Doctor Who, but nothing endeared him to me as an actor or the character of Catchlove. More importantly, it wasn’t pushing any more light onto Anthony Calf’s Godsarce especially.

As an episode, especially in this series, nothing stands out to grab my attention. As I said, Mark and Steven love pleasing the classic crowd that has hung around, but I don’t really care that much about the extra line in a wiki that says that Alpha Centauri helped save the last remaining Ice Warriors. In fact, I care more that Peter is out here talking about the martian poles existing in 1881, when in fact they disappeared 4-billion years ago when the magnetic field went. I know talking about scientific accuracy with a sci-fi-lite show is like trying to turn water into ice just by thinking about it.

Ultimately, “Empress of Mars” does its job as an episode of Doctor Who, but it didn’t excite me to keep watching or even care for anyone in the cast. The cinematography when Missy is revealed to have piloted the TARDIS back to Mars is wonderful, but I don’t think that’s enough to save the episode on its own. Possibly the highlight of the whole episode was after the Doctor has talked Iraxxa down, she seeks the opinion of Bill among the noise of men. It is dependable in practice, as far as episodes go, but it is hard to say I want more of this or anyone from the episode.

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Doctor Who "Empress of Mars"

6

Score

6.0/10

Pros

• Iraxxa seeking Bill's opinion.
• Peter, Pearl, and Adele Lynch's performances.
• The cinematography of the Missy reveal.

Cons

• Nothing particularly gripping about the episode's story.
• The early pacing feeling rushed.