I believe when most people think of simulators for mundane tasks, they think of the crap that slopped out during the Steam Greenlight period for YouTubers to point at and chuckle. Or they consider things like Euro and American Truck Simulator. Of course, the “Simulator” name has been attached to lots of games, including the 1988 April Fools game from British computer magazine Your Sinclair with Advanced Lawnmower Simulator. For the most part, simulator games have grown up since both April of 1988 and the Steam Greenlight phase, aiming for either a more stoic or fun experience.

Even big publishers have gotten in on “[job title] Simulator,” including Square Enix, or at least the Square Enix Collective: Where indie games are funded by Cloud and his terrorist mates. Yes, just over a week ago now, FuturLab and Square Enix’s PowerWash Simulator released after quite some time in the realm of Early Access. With the game coming to the land of Xbox, I spent the better part of the week evolving into my ultimate form, the boring dad. That’s what a power washer is, a dad tool because he doesn’t know how to clean up in any other way.

High-powered jet streams of water clear away the inches of dirt, limescale, and grime with only a few seconds of standing over it. It is an ultimate power fantasy for a bloke. Transitioning that into a game is strange to say the least, but no less satisfying. Starting out simple, Powerwash Simulator makes you clean off your van of all the grime. Then you proceed to wash whole backyards, a bungalow, a playground covered with more fecal matter than a lab creating the projectile turd machine, and several other stylized cartoon locations and vehicles.

That said, the “career mode” isn’t typical in terms of being a game. Generally, when we talk about games, it means there is a goal and a fail state. Technically, if you don’t bother to finish a job you have failed. However, currently, there is no way to go back and redo it. The “challenge mode,” however, does offer a limit of either time or amount of water consumed. Conserving water I understand in principle. In practice, I don’t want to go back nor do I want that pressure in the first place with some of those levels. Cleaning off roofs takes enough time and water as is.

There was a point that made me want to shut it down for the day and go shout at the kids, or whatever it is dads do when they get annoyed at their power tools. Conversely, it was also the point that I wanted to turn the game off and go ingest enough painkillers to down a horse. The game completely bugged out and wouldn’t let me complete a mission by opening the tablet. You see, once you’ve blasted every colorful playground, a boot-shaped house, or particularly a skatepark, you register your completion by opening up your tablet that very clearly isn’t water-soluble. In this case, the “Job Complete” prompt appeared and stayed up for a good 5 minutes before I quit the game and rebooted.

By this point, I’d had these sticky moments happen a few times, hence why I left it alone for so long. Nonetheless, I’d also encountered quite a few crash-to-desktop-style crashes of the entire game. All of these were minor setbacks thanks to some either auto or manual saving. However, this time after sitting for another hour doing 79% of this job and the job’s completion actually halting the progress in a manner I’m sure the internet would be quick to call ironic, I had to do it all again. No amount of boring dad-style fun is going to make me happy with that.

Calling PowerWash Simulator fun in the typical sense would have me concerned about anyone. It is turning something grimy and generally not pleasant to look at into something vibrant, colorful, and full of life very slowly. I won’t say there isn’t satisfaction in turning around and seeing all that I’ve done so far is now bright and colorful in this small square of Barry Scott’s nightmares. The best way I can explain that feeling is the boring dad analogy I keep making. All the same, turning back around to see another hour or two of work with very little reward ahead, can be demoralizing.

There is enjoyment to be had cleaning the many different locations or vehicles you’ll be tasked with washing off. However, there is very little in the way of incentives. You aren’t told to do it within set parameters other than making sure the job is done. Meanwhile, the reward of money for the in-game shop is rather meager for the goals you’ll set yourself of getting the next most powerful powerwasher or add-ons to said tool. Anyone that wastes their money on the cosmetics of getting a new suit or skin for the washer itself needs a psych evaluation.

Akin to the simulators I’ve spoken about recently, PowerWash Simulator is the type of game you are supposed to sit down at the end of a day and decompress to. While you play, listen to some music, an audiobook, and maybe even a podcast. That’s the goal, to sit and calm down from wanting to shout at people all day. Of course, being on this end of the keyboard and writing a review, attempting to do so in a timely manner isn’t conducive to that contemplative pacing. Hence some of my annoyances towards the crashes and bugs have taken precedence over enjoyment.

The truth is that no matter from what perspective you play the game, minor irritations repeatedly making an appearance will dampen one’s impression. Issues include minor frame rate drops while looking in specific directions, sound completely cutting out for the powerwasher alone on the forest cottage level, the aforementioned crashes, and even the default controller bindings not even registering. There are bugs and there are early onset issues with PowerWash Simulator, but when it does click into place it is such a relaxing game.

Ultimately, PowerWash Simulator is a relaxing power fantasy job simulator (typically dreamt of by older men) that is purposefully slow and endlessly charming with its colorful aesthetic. It is mildly buggy at its current state on Xbox One, with occasional frame rate issues possibly due to allowances for a wider field-of-view. However, I could understand caution towards a purchase for that precise reason. It is low energy in every way until you need to hunt for all the detailed rust and grime, yet PowerWash Simulator is that perfect decompression game when everything else is too much to deal with right now.

An Xbox One copy of PowerWash Simulator was provided by Square Enix for the purposes of this review.

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PowerWash Simulator

$24.99 USD

7.5

Score

7.5/10

Pros

• Simple gameplay that is relaxing.
• The colorful and cartoonish aesthetic under the grime.

Cons

• A little buggy and a few crashes.
• Campaign pacing that never really picks up.
• The same gameplay that is relaxing doesn't hold the campaign for its longevity.