Coal Hill, you’ve been about a while, haven’t you? I remember when Susan used to go there, taught by the equally unrealistic couple of Ian and Barbara; how times haven’t changed. There are still kids (sadly) and a god-awful relationship shoehorned into whatever it is we’re doing here. I’ve never liked “The Caretaker” before, it isn’t that interesting of an episode on paper. Some Scottish bloke called John Smith rocks up with a broom and some eyebrows, fighting a cheap, spider-legged, alien killer robot that is neither too sci-fi nor horror in either direction. This is all so we can repeat what the Doctor is and always has been running away from, his past.

However, with time away and time to grow as a person, alongside finally sitting down to watch it without so much Clara hate, I actually like it. I still hate Clara, and I think the relationship between her and Danny, along with her and the Doctor are some of the most toxic and worst relationships I’ve ever seen. Right up there with Chibnall and his pen/keyboard, whichever one of the Ramis or Alvin Sargent that wrote that dance scene in Spider-Man 3 that never happened (it can’t hurt you that way), and the British press with their obsession of objectifying young women with the use of telephonic lenses and social media. 

It is the simple story that gets me on its good side, which I find off because it is another co-written episode by two people I’m not on the best of terms with. It is Joanne‘s friend and not mine, because of his comments on Trans people in the past, Gareth Roberts (and Steven Moffat), back at it again with an alright episode. As I made clear last time, this era of Doctor Who isn’t standing on the firmest ground with its best episodes, and this is a testament to that entire premise. I love the show and think it is at its best when I can describe something as fun or impactful, and this was neither, it was a bit stupid if anything.

Nonetheless, it does what “Time Heist” never had. “The Caretaker” actually has a Peter Capaldi that is lifting the script alongside Samuel Anderson, the two of them bringing out some of their best performances. The goats (animals, not the other thing) butting heads, the two actors knowing and understanding the script well, and allowing them as characters to actually attack each other either through actions or verbally. That is the bit of this otherwise “Father’s Day,” “Love & Monsters,” “The Girl Who waited” level episode of the series, it doesn’t shine but glints among everything else.

I’m also partial to Ellis George’s Courtney Woods/Disruptive Influence, she might not pay attention in class too often, but she’s a good kid. She’s a kid and unapologetically so, which makes her reactions and lines with Peter’s Doctor not receive that same anger I have with Clara. She can still have that smart-ass thing about her and get the same back without it seeming too childish and out of place. It is a relationship between an old-angry man and a young nosy child. The moments with the two of them stand out as fun, and it gave us the line “never lose your temper in the middle of a door sign.” That is Doctor Who, the hanky-panky between teachers isn’t.

Skovax Blitzer itself is meant to be seen as a preditor, set up to be something creeping in the shadows, but ultimately feels about as realistic as the Abzorbaloff. Yes, it is a threat, I got that through lines, but either direction or writing made its impact fall flat on its little round face that isn’t scary for any reason. Between this nothing of a “monster of the week” and the relationship on life-support, I know why I don’t want to like the episode. However, it is the performance in that tiny gym-hall between Peter and Samuel that just clinches something back.

The ex-soldier turned P.E teacher that thinks he teaches math vs the ultimate soldier, the man who ran away from being a soldier because he didn’t want to see so many die anymore. Maybe I am looking at proper tension with a refined appreciation after Chibnall’s Flux-up with his final series, but the build to that scene and in itself is brilliantly Doctor Who. Peter’s begging Skovax Blitzer to help him without killing, without harm befalling the school after Danny breaks the sci-fi seal of magic sticky teleporter things is fantastic. You know they aren’t going to kill Peter 6 episodes into his run, but it is a well-maintained scene.

Is it as camp as “If I touch these two wires covered in bubble wrap, the whole world is dead” followed by “to hell with it!” from Tom Baker’s era? No, but it is quite laughably camp when Peter is holding on to the Sonic-screwdriver for dear life as Skovax is sucked off into the portal of “And that’s not fixed the problem” plot devices. That’s what this episode understood, sometimes you need the unbelievable, unconceivable nonsense to get to the very serious point of two men thinking they are trying to protect Clara from the other.

I love in all the confusion for Danny, his whole world crumbling around him as he just averts death by space robot, he conceived: “you said you were from Blackpool,” and “He’s your dad!” I like that because it doesn’t make him Clara, he doesn’t know as soon as he sees it, he’s still human. He can’t put everything in order because he doesn’t have the pieces of the puzzle. The bits under the couch are left there until he opens the torch and finds three cat toys and the missing puzzle pieces. It is scary what you find under there.

That is entirely the point, he is new to this, he will stumble at the notions of otherworldly concepts like the TARDIS, and his response is fear and brute force. He is a soldier, he is what the Doctor has rebelled against. His gut reaction isn’t to trust the alien. He isn’t Rose being taken by the hand, he’s Jackie after a year of her daughter being missing. It is an impactful hit, but not to our core cast of the Doctor or Clara, but to the bloke that Clara is boinking in the stationery cupboard when there isn’t a police telephone box stuffed in there.

Ultimately, it is a fine episode elevated by two wonderful performances by two actors understanding their craft to the absolute nth degree. It is nothing special but not another quarry in Wales. It is the exact episode Peter should have had much sooner, cementing him as the Doctor. The old man in the box just trying to save the world, someone just trying to do their work while hanky and panky fight over who’s the more disruptive influence. Let down by domesticism and a monster that is about as threatening as Cat-Kind in a “sexy” Halloween costume. Either way, nice to see Ollie getting work after Malcolm abused him so much.

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Doctor Who "The Caretaker"

7

Score

7.0/10

Pros

• Peter and Samuel lifting the story with their performances.
• Disruptive Influence.
• "Never lose your temper in the middle of a door sign."

Cons

• Gareth Roberts.
• Skovax Blitzer isn't that horrific or sci-fi.