There are only two actions that are more suicidal than being a motorcyclist: Strapping planks of wood to your feet and flinging yourself down a cliff, or being a dentist at the zoo. I’ve already spoken of my disdain for those that think skiing is a sport, so I might as well tick the two-wheeled maniacs off the list too. I’ve never had an affinity for bikes, mostly because I’ve seen the other end of a particularly dangerous crash, and it is one filled with depression and self-loathing. You can’t convince me something on two wheels at 100+ miles per hour is safer than something with four wheels at 200+ miles per hour, it is impossible.

I’ve been playing a bit of RiMS Racing, a motorbike racing simulator with all the bells and whistles I think no one asked for. There are people in the sim-racing avenue of games that are so anal-retentive I don’t know how they function as human beings, and I think even they would say playing a QTE mini-game to change brake discs on a motorbike would be a bit much. The detail and endless faffery given to RiMS is something I’d argue was ill-spent. Especially when the tutorial to get you into the game as a beginner is about as helpful as an inflatable raft made of caramel wafers would be on the deck of the Titanic in mid-April 1912.

The attempt at more realistic weight transfer during turning is not something I believe a majority of newcomers will be accustomed to. In fact, it was something that was hardly explained in terms of easing yourself into it, taking about three months to shift your weight even slightly. You see, while a bicycle allows for a greater degree of turning, a motorbike can’t do that. At high speeds, you use your own mass to turn while maintaining speed. I’m not trying to patronize, but as I am sure most will attest, a majority of video games don’t make that a slow process because that would make the fun of riding bikes very monotonous. Who thought it was a great idea for a racing game where you go through tight chicanes?

“What is the racing like?” I am sure you are asking. It is another rather dull affair, as levels of AI and physics difficulty range on a three-grade step (in the career): Beginner, Intermediate, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That last one represents the yelling I am sure your rider makes as you are whirled up into a wheelie for the umpteenth time, careening into a metal barrier by the side of the track, and rag-dolling into the catch fencing. At least, I think it is what they’d be screaming. The audio mixing made me want to lodge two shovels in my ears and dig my brains out.

On Beginner, you might as well cut every corner and attack every rider with the force of Poseidon’s golden streams, as the penalties never rack up to what you make up doing so. Intermediate can provide a challenge if you want to play properly, though pretending you are an expert out-of-the-gate is a show of stupidity not seen since someone thought racing bikes against me was a good idea. See, I come from the school of Burnout, where killing someone else is encouraged. Whoever thought the slow prolonged shot of your vehicle’s corpse was tonally-perfect for a proto-serious motorbike sim racing game needs to go back and figure out why those shots were there for such a long period.

They were there to make you drive with anger. It was the uncertainty of risk and reward of trying to attack someone. Here, if you lose traction or get tapped by another rider, you are about to watch your lifeless corpse splayed across the track as your bike scrapes and tumbles along the tarmac shouting: “Kill me!” After the tenth time of this happening every race, I began shouting it atop my lung capacity too.

When it comes to these sport/racing-sim games of any kind, I’ve always contested that while it is under the pretense of replicating the actions of actually doing it, it is also a game. I am not getting up at 5 AM to run three miles, eat a high protein diet, go into a gym to do strength training, and then go to a circuit to get in 50 practice laps before meeting sponsors. I’m not actually a sportsperson. I am a bloke in his underpants, being harassed by a cat looking for attention, while drinking 10-times the coffee anyone should and eating pizza and hot dogs for lunch.

Part of being a game is that even on lower difficulties you can have a fun experience, and on higher difficulties you are testing your understanding. The only thing being tested regularly has been my patience to endure every needless little mechanic or overly stringent requirement the game puts on someone new to the concept. Sure, not everyone is going to be as inept as I am, but I’d like to think I am at the cross point of not only enjoying racing games, but sim-racing games. I’d also like to think I am partially competent enough, while being aware of what an outsider might think. As an outsider to the game to begin with, I was surprised I hated so much of the experience while still wanting to endure.

Despite feeling like I’ve been walking on hot coals, I can’t help but wonder why I wanted to come back time after time. The easy answer would be my enjoyment of Dark Souls and its ilk, and it would be time to knock off for hot dogs and pizza. However, I don’t think that is the reason. I think it is the fact I know people connected to NABD, I know the following the likes of moto-GP gets as well. I want to see that world for what it is, and (maybe partially) I want to conquer those off-putting design choices. At the core, there is something interesting in RiMS Racing, which is where it is best.

However, with so many ideas cluttering its career mode such as its lack of developing a love for it into a novice, AI that is as well trained in riding bikes around humans as politicians are at smiling without looking like serial killers, along with UI and UX that lack common sense, I don’t know who it is aimed at. Do hardcore racing sim fans want QTEs during pitstops and bike maintenance that is burgeoning on the edge of the Ship of Theseus (Trigger’s broom) paradox? Do more casual fans crave that? In a racing game that asks for precision and a calm mind, I don’t want to be playing Bully‘s bike assembling mini-game. I am also sure I don’t want to spend several minutes disassembling, buying, selling, and rebuilding the bike I have under the guise of maintenance between races. I want to race.

An Xbox One copy of RiMS Racing was provided by Nacon for the purposes of this review.

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RiMS Racing

$49.99

6

Score

6.0/10

Pros

• An interesting take on sim-racing.
• Though a poultry sum, an intriguing set of tracks.

Cons

• Excessive use of the bike managment, draging it down.
• A tutorial that assumes you'll know something it won't teach.
• Minor balancing issues.
• Occasional performance dips.