Well, this is awkward. This is the second-to-last episode before I want to hoist the man named Chris Chibnall onto/into a medieval torture device, and I don’t hate it. I don’t love “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship”, but I don’t hate it. Of course, it is the usual trope of Chibnall’s stories: “42” was about having 42-minutes to survive, “The Hungry Earth” and “Cold Blood” were about another ticking clock. “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship” is about the clock striking zero and a missile hitting the spaceship, while “The Power of Three” will be about counting down to zero too.

I think it is fair to say that the man has a penchant, for lack of a French word, towards clocks and time being a major element in a show that isn’t really about time. I know, the shocking thing about this show with a mad man in a blue time-traveling box, is the fact it is never about the time. It is the travel, the people, and understanding that we should just be kind to one another. Nonetheless, he persists with this never-ending desire to put a ticking clock on the screen or in the dialogue. All for some stupid idea to remind us when the episode ends and ultimately, suck all the tension out of the room.

While we’re at my gripes, how do I feel about Mitchell and Webb? I don’t mind them individually, in fact, I think everyone can agree that David Mitchell is the better of the two. Then again, I am biased, I have for quite a while liked Victoria Coren Mitchell for being a little bit weird and a little bit wonderful. Anyway, that’s enough about his wife. The thing is, you have these two great big stompy robots, intimidating monsters by any normal means, and you have two rather middling to high-pitched nasally sounding English bloke’s voices coming out of them. I’ll probably repeat this during the review of “The Husbands of River Song,” but the voices don’t match.

Part of that is the attempted comedy of the two bumbling, bickering, idiots. I think that only works when you have something very serious to bounce off of. It is the straight-man in the comedy duo thing, there isn’t much serious to counter them with. Again about River’s husbands, you have the voice of Hydroflax being Nonso Anozie’s rather deep and magnificent voice, you have Greg Davies playing a rather angry and childish king, and (spoiler) you have Matt Lucas playing the beheaded and impish Nardole. To paraphrase and bastardize The Three Little Bears, this one is too serious, this one is too stupid, and this one is just right; Anozie, Lucas, and Davies, in that order.

Ok, yes, I concede, the threat of death and David Bradley in one of his many Doctor Who appearances (not always as the same character) are the serious peril elements in this arrangement. However, I don’t think the episode’s tone fits that grim reality that our heroes, the Doctor, Amy, Rory, Brian, Queen Nefertiti, and… Ok, sure, that sexist horrible git Riddell too, are in any real immediate danger. Again, I think it is a problem with the episode of Countdown that is playing in the background of every Chibnall episode. We know how long is left, so we can spot any slight change in pacing to know this is really the end now.

Anyway, Brian, Rory’s dad, comes along for an adventure on a spaceship filled with dinosaurs. No, I am not going to do the easy joke and say we’ve returned to the alien planet called “Flor-ida.” In fact, he was kind of kidnapped, as much as you can kidnap a bloke in his late 40s to early 50s. Mark Williams’ has a wonderful way of just being that dad. You know the one, the type that has everything in a pocket somewhere and is a bit slow on the uptake, but loveable. Arguably, he is the heart of the episode, with his innuendo-ladened dialogue and straight man set-up for silly lines from Rory and the Doctor to react to.

Now, I don’t say this often in public because it gets you funny looks outside specific places, but I like Brian’s balls. I like his little pocket trowel, I like his balls, and I like that he still has a Christmas list. I like Brian and I like when Chibnall is writing old white men, he might know how to write them. Mark Williams pulls off Brian brilliantly, just as Bradley Walsh pulls off Graham perfectly later on. I don’t need Chibnall and his gay Doctor Who erotica, which is so poorly written and ill-conceived that a sentient oleaginous slurry sex monster could write something better. Now here is hoping John Bishop can actually act, or it is going to be a long series 13.

Joking about Brian’s balls aside, is there really much the episode is doing? For the most part, these episodes are just here to fill the gap and show that the Doctor is disappearing for long periods of time and then picks up our companions as he sees fit, randomly. As much as it might be a criticism any other time, I somewhat like it this time around. I’ve been a long defender of this show about an alien taking a human/humans (or aliens) on timey-wimey spacey-wasey(?) adventures is the point. I don’t need the alien’s (the first alien’s) backstory explained to the nth degree. Get that Chibnall? We do not need to find out that the regenerating alien comes from some other planet than the one we’ve been told already.

There is a plot, one that ties back into what we’ve already seen in a previous series, with the Silurians coming back once more. However, most of it is just playing host to bringing in Brian for Chibnall’s second episode of the series. It is also there to set up David Bradley’s Solomon as a complete villain of Masters of the Universe variety, and have a few funny moments. Otherwise, it is using the VFX team the BBC was paying for in part 1 of this series. Which is more than I can say about the other five: Daleks, a proto-Terminator, some cubes, some blokes with odd mouths, a young woman with blue eyes sometimes, and some angels. A majority of those are practical effects.

Ultimately, out of all the episodes Chibnall had written up to this and “The Power of Three,” I can actually say I enjoy “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship.” Is it his best episode up to these two? No, but second best in his realm is still notably worth something, and it took years to knock it to third. However, “Rosa” was co-written with Malorie Blackman and I assume she did the bits that made that episode worth something. I have my gripes (of course) with my temper for Rupert Graves and his character Riddell being quite short. I think Amy’s sudden action twinge is to shut up Tumblr, Mitchell and Webb aren’t worth their time all episode, and the time thing is Chibnall doing what Chibnall does.

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Doctor Who "Dinosaurs On A Spaceship" - Review

7

Score

7.0/10

Pros

• Brian's balls!
• Brian is just a sweetheart.
• It is just a fun episode between serious ones.

Cons

• Another episode about clocks ticking down.
• I don't like Riddell or Rupert Graves.
• Mitchell and Webb are just their as voices to recognize.