E3 2021 - Ubisoft Forward Rundown

Remember when Aisha Tyler would walk out and swear? Those were good times when E3 was enjoyable. Now I think I know what Vince Zampella was on about back in 2018 at EA: These are the dark times, just the dark times. Anyway, let’s get to the show that made me want to go bungee jumping with dental floss strapped to one of my chest hairs.

First up was Rainbow Six Extraction, which if you’ve not been keeping up with the news, isn’t a new game or new announcement. In fact, we’ve seen it for two years already. What once was Rainbow Six Quarantine, I wonder why that name might be taboo now, is a very dull take on a special event from Rainbow Six Siege. Extraction puts you and some friends in a small team on a map filled with very boring-looking humanoid aliens in what could have just been a mod for Left 4 Dead 2, or rightfully, an expansion to Rainbow Six Siege. This is where the tone for the whole show was set, as this went on far too long.

Watching the Wholesome Games Direct before, which showed 60+ games in an hour, this slow and boring pace an hour later didn’t work. A full 15-minutes of Extraction would be fine if it were new and interesting. I was sitting (virtually) with people who enjoy Siege and they were bored of it after 5-minutes. The entire presentation of developers just droning on isn’t why anyone is here. Unless you are going to show the mechanics quickly, which they didn’t, you are wasting both our time setting up a world that I don’t care about. Show something interesting, then I and everyone else might care for your September 16th release date.

Moving on to what I got an email for a day before; E3 leaks abound after all. Rocksmith+ is the new version of the newly dead Rocksmith franchise, with all the modern-day amenities of gaming taking its place. First off, it is now a live service subscription, which will be fun when new songs are microtransactions. Though that’s not all, one of the biggest issues with the previous Rocksmith games was the little peripheral guitar jack you’d get with the game. Now you can just use your mobile or laptop microphone. I shouldn’t have to explain why that is stupid, but I’ll do it for those in the back.

Speaking as a guitarist, as someone surrounded by several guitars in his office, and as someone who taught music, this is stupid. The microphone in your phone or laptop isn’t going to pick up the intricacies of your lack of technique. AI and poor quality microphones can’t fix that. Not only that but even if you use a quality microphone, you’ll still poorly “mic up” a guitar because you’ve never done it and don’t know how to. This is putting aside that you’re not actually learning how to play music, but learning to play a single song at a time. You aren’t learning the scales, you aren’t learning music theory, you aren’t learning chord theory, none of that.

I could (and would) go on for days about this. In short, all you’ll learn is that most popular songs have four chords, number 1 hits are in the scale of E (but you won’t know that fully), and that this is an awful way to properly learn. You need human feedback. This is why karaoke singers on The Voice, America’s Got Talent, and X-Factor aren’t good when they get feedback. After all, they usually get drunks/idiots reinforcing that they are great. AI listening through poor-quality microphones are just drunks in bars reinforcing bad habits and awful technique. Don’t bother signing up to Rocksmith+‘s Beta on PC.

Moving on from one stupid idea to another, does anyone remember Steep? Riders Republic, as revealed last year, is what would happen if Borderlands was just a mediocre extreme sports game. It is colorful, stupid, and completely incoherent. It is a very bland-looking extreme sports game that is exclusively online, or will do the Steep thing, saying it is also single-player but have to connect to a server for no good reason. Everything that was shown just looked stiff and lacking in what makes SSX or Tony Hawk’s fun, a personality. Yet, it will be releasing this September 2nd, somehow.

Next up was a showcase of the new Operator of Rainbow Six Siege. Oh yeah, you thought we were out of the Rainbow Six zone? We never left it! Nonetheless, it was a very pretty anime for North Star, the native American medic that has a turret that heals players (including enemies). Meanwhile, in the actual showcase, we got a bit with the team patting themselves on the back for the community still being active. That said, starting June 30th, you can crossplay between PC, Luna, and Stadia, with console crossplay coming next year.

While fans of Ghost Recon (all 1 of you after Breakpoint), were told to stay tuned as it is the 20th anniversary. It never came back around and we didn’t get a date for any other reveal. This 30-second trailer was worth every single second it completely wasted, because that seems to be the modus operandi of this whole showcase.

For example, we got a recap of all the things from the pre-show in a few moments of sizzle reels. First off, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles if you are cool enough) are coming to Brawlhalla, a game I don’t think anyone has enjoyed. Trackmania, the crap new online one, is chasing that Fall Guys money with Trackmania Royal. The previously announced Watch Dogs: Legion Bloodlines DLC was given a trailer that’s labeled “Announce” for something we already knew about. It looks good, I want to kill Aiden by waterboarding him in the Thames.

We also got a note of more ancillary rubbish being added to The Crew 2 in year 4. Now, I really like The Crew 2, I think exploring the US and racing across it for a bit is fun. However, I want a Crew 3 instead of another year of this seasons nonsense. I want it where it is logical to put a third rendition: Europe. I’d give my left everything to have a bit of Top Gear-esque fun driving on roads that aren’t as straight and bland as a boardroom executive, i.e American roads. Though if you’re still playing The Crew 2, year 4 has been announced.

Next up I was ready to tap dance off a cliff knowing we’d get a few minutes of Just Dance 2022. I might be thinking ahead a little too much, but a game that’s aimed at the “casual” market might not be the best thing to show at a gaming conference for more than a minute. The 99.9% of people the game is aimed at aren’t watching E3, they don’t care, and neither does a majority of those watching E3. Nonetheless, Todrick Hall is nice, what a lovely young man.

Anyway, let’s spend 5-minutes being told Assassin’s Creed Valhalla was a thing, and Ubisoft will keep giving it DLC into 2022. Nope, give me back the gay man, he was far more interesting! Ok, Valhalla is getting that tourist mode the last one got as well, which is nice, but I know what a tree looks like. This is the problem with Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, it is 9th century England, which is as bare as a Ubisoft promise to reform their history of sexual assault. Also, you can now go to France, before there was anything built high enough to jump off of at speed.

Honestly, could we just talk about the gay guy with pink hair? Fine, Mythic Quest continues to be Mythic Quest, with reviews from people with no taste rating the second season highly. Meanwhile, someone should cut Hollywood out of the US and give it to someone more responsible, as there is now a tie-in movie to a 2016 PSVR multiplayer-only game called Werewolves Within. An awful-looking horror/comedy that appeared to be directed by someone who’s only ever worked on online skits shot with an iPhone. It looks like it has writing that was done in crayon.

Has anyone else realized that Giancarlo Esposito has become the only thing you know about Far Cry 6? We’ve not seen much of the game outside of what includes him, and I’ve got a feeling that’s because it is just another Far Cry game. Not one of the interesting ones, 2 or 3, but 4 and beyond which has just been copying 3‘s formula but getting all the wrong answers. So, Giancarlo is this game’s charismatic villain, and we know nothing else aside from the season pass content and pre-order bonus.

Leaked before the showcase on Saturday, the Become The Villain season pass content puts you in the head of Vass and his two cosplaying stalkers, letting you do what you did before with different hands. For once in a Far Cry game, you’ll have a character with a personality, and it doesn’t really matter because it will be something small. Meanwhile, without context, we were shown Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon‘s logo, which was meant to indicate you’ll get the Blood Dragon standalone if you were to pre-order. Though one might assume, much like Far Cry 3‘s remaster (Classic Edition) and pre-order/season-pass business, this will become available after release too.

Moving on to what should have closed the show, Rabbid Rosalina is my everything! Ok, I should probably explain: Before Ubisoft kicked off their show, they leaked Mario + Rabbid Sparks of Hope which is Mario Galaxy with Rabbids doing X-Com. This was the best thing about the whole show and the only thing that sustained me through all the previous dross. I love X-Com and I love how they made one that is colorful, fun, interesting, and good, which is now getting a sequel. Hook that up to my veins, I want to go like Elvis, but playing a Mario + Rabbids X-Com-lite.

I will say, there seems to be something different going on with it. They didn’t like showing combat, and when we did see it, it didn’t look as snappy/grid-based as before. From the tiny bit of pre-alpha footage we’ve seen in the combat sections, it looks more free-flowing instead of seeing that line of where you will go. It seems now you are able to move about freely in a bubble around you for an infinite amount of time, which I don’t like the sounds of. That seems like it is taking a step away from the X-Com-ness which I enjoyed it for in the first place.

Nonetheless, according to the trailer, you’ll be able to play Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope sometime in 2022 for the Nintendo Switch. Given we’ve seen it is in pre-alpha, I expect this to be delayed into 2023. I don’t care, I just want Rabbid Rosalina because she is just my energy after all of these conferences so far.

Following that Yves “Honestly, we’d prefer you didn’t talk about all the sexual assault cases we’ve got pilled up” Guillemot ignored anything he should be addressing to say this showcase has been: “great” and “diverse.” Yes, Yves, it was so diverse that the only new game announced (so far) was a Mario + Rabbids sequel, while everything else was an update, an awful live service thing, or tripe we’d already seen getting a release date. This was an awful showcase, yet to be capped off with one of the worst things possible.

Did anyone else catch when Geoff Keighley said “Avatar: The Last Bender,” (which was so funny) and then never corrected himself? I’d have preferred that weird slip of a homophobic slur to be the final reveal than James Cameron’s Pocahontas. Yes, Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora is the game for those who take tree-hugging to an extreme level, and for those who oddly want all four announced sequels to Avatar. However, as Yves noted in his preamble before the trailer, it is nowhere near ready, as it is just a first look. Though post-showcase reports suggest a 2022 release date, expect large amounts of crunch and a delay to early 2023.

That was Ubisoft’s dreadfully dull and not worth bothering with E3 showcase. It was all a big disappointment from what I’d been watching in my limited spare time, as I watched Aisha Tyler kill every showcase with personality. Even with the boring ones, she’d bring it to life, but this was dead on arrival and resuscitated for only a few moments, to be killed by boring blue people hugging trees. I hope they learn a lesson from this showcase and never do it again. Linked below is the entire showcase, pre-show and all.