The Lion’s Song Free On Epic Games

Monday, I spoke of several partners for E3‘s June showcase and 6 former Stadia staff went to Haven, a perfect name for the contrasting Hell that is Stadia. Tuesday, I spoke about when PS5s will be in stock regularly, Alexx spoke about House Flipper-like Castle Flipper, and Taylor spoke of additions to Demon Slayer. Wednesday, I returned to talk on EA’s slip from this year’s E3, David spoke of Humble’s spring sale, Mike went on about Nintendo’s latest announcements, and Alexx is happy about an isometric RPG because he falls for anything with magic. Finally, on Thursday I spoke about Galactic Civilizations IV, Alexx is excited for an Animal Crossing-like and he’d continue speaking on Manifold Garden‘s PS5 release.

Thanks Epic, after what was a fantastic, wonderful, magical, brilliant, period, you puncture it with one of the biggest dips. Don’t you want to give a man a bit of hope? The last article of the week, the last thing I’ll be doing, and all I ask is for a definitive bit of hope or disappointment. What do I get instead? “Mystery game unlocking in 6:??:??:???” as if some sort of curiosity was going to lift us from the depressing nature of the Epic Vs Apple/Apple Vs Epic case.

A case built on #FreeFortnite being about fighting for the little guy, yet an Epic lawyer asked Tim Sweeney (the boss of Epic) “if Apple gave Epic a special deal, would he take it?” His answer was “Yes, I would have.” This comes after Sweeney stating this isn’t a case of a billion-dollar company fighting a trillion-dollar company, and to quote Sweeney directly, “But the fight isn’t over Epic wanting a special deal, it’s about the basic freedoms of all consumers and developers.” Well done Tim, you’ve effectively defecated in the coy pond of what little of good-will anyone was willing to give you. You’ve said nothing changes and you’ve taught kids what propaganda aimed at them looks like.

Anyway, after 300 words, I think I’d better get onto what is available this week on the Epic Games Store. The latest free game is The Lion’s Song. It is a visual novel style point-and-click game with dithering pixel-art as its most striking feature. Along with the almost monochromatic shading to everything that is. As usual, I don’t have much time with it, so this isn’t to be taken as a full-blown review. Rather, it is a summary of one idiot’s feelings towards it in his editorialized style. I don’t like it. I knew I wouldn’t because it simply isn’t my type of game in any way, shape, or form.

Take this as what children will call a “humblebrag” if you must, but I’ve played enough games to know what something is going to be just from looking at it. “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” well, how else are you meant to impulse purchase on a book? Nonetheless, the point is that from screenshots I knew there would be zero voice acting. I do not care for the story, and the options are as useful as an igloo in the Sahara or sunscreen in the Antarctic. It turns out I’m better than Meat Loaf because I got three out of three, and yet still I’d do anything for love.

Jokes aside, if you are the type of person who enjoys artsy-fartsy period dramas like that Netflix thing Bridgerton, you’ll probably enjoy The Lion’s Song. However, if you’ve heard any human speak, you’ll hate how fluffy and trite the writing might feel. Though that is only made worse by personal grudges one might have with a game that is pixel-art based, and sticks to this ideal with annoying rigidity.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I am dyslexic so when I’m reading something it can be difficult when it is stylized. Especially when it is stylized in this pixel-art style making “The guests could not believe their ears!” only a few moments into the game look like “The quests…” Something as simple as a font change and the color of the text can create mistakes like this. It is unintentional, but nevertheless, it can put people such as myself off these types of games. As I’ll say in an article later today, the fact you enjoy a game should be enough if it is relaxing to you. The anger that builds up from dyslexic-based mistakes isn’t relaxing, thus I avoid this kind of game.

That said, I won’t be as light on the other options that could have been included. Only a volume slider for music and sound effects, and the language? What is this, the mid-2000s? No, so why don’t we have resolution options and the ability to make The Lion’s Song windowed? I don’t think it is too much to ask for the ability to change the resolution or to play in fullscreen or windowed. I shouldn’t feel bad for asking for font changes to be added for accessibility, but I do nonetheless, though resolution should be standard by now.

If you enjoy visual novel style point-and-click games, you’ll possibly enjoy The Lion’s Song. All this week you can pick up The Lion’s Song on the Epic Games Store, available until the 20th of May. From there on I’m left in the dark (hence the little angry bit before) so we’ll be learning what I’ll be disappointed by next week. That is unless Epic has paid $2-million to remake Burnout 3: Takedown and make it an Epic Games Store exclusive. At this point, if Android Wilson asked me to stab kittens, drown puppies, and switch the heating off for a pensioner, just to get a remake of Burnout 3 without microtransactions, I’d probably do it.