Gather ’round children, and I’ll tell you a tale. The tale of a man that once was, and still is in the mythical land of “other TV shows that might not be as good.” A man from a land that time has forgotten. That land is, Scotland, a land where last I’d heard, the drugs grow everywhere and you could do just about anything, from painting houses on magic mushrooms to playing in punk bands with famous actors who end up in your favorite TV show, Doctor Who. Now kids, don’t do drugs.

Anyway, back to that man. He hosted a low rent late-night show after the very popular one hosted by an American that is older than time itself. If you asked anyone in the late-night game of the time, he’d be at the bottom. This is mostly because his show was filmed in a basement that leaked that one time. He may have been in the basement and very few people (mostly stoners) watched him, but he outranked them all because… Who actually likes Jay Leno? Conan is alright, Dave Letterman worked well, I’d rather shoot myself than watch Kimmel, and John Stewart is (and always will be) brilliant.

However, there is one person I’ve missed out on from the mid to late-00s late-night parade: (WARNING: Strong language) Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson, his T.A.R.D.I.S. knick-nack jar-thing, snake mug, gay skeleton robot called Geoff Peterson, a pantomime horse on crack called Secretariat, the talking Rhino called Sandra, Paul McCartney, Angela Lansbury, and that racist producer, Michael. By far, it is the best late-night show host of all-time, and there is no debating that!

How do I know? Well, his “successor” is an unfunny plod that couldn’t organize a decent comedy night at Caroline’s (just up Broadway from Time Square). I still don’t like Kimmel, and Fallon is just as bad. I don’t know what a Seth Meyers is, but so far I don’t like him. There are only three decent late-night hosts that i know of (in normal times) Conan, Colbert, and Trevor Noah, maybe Sam Bee from time to time. Before I even get letters, John Oliver doesn’t count. He’s separate, there is a special little bubble for him. Just as there is a special place for Bill Maher: Where ever yelling about the youth is happening this week.

Right, why did I got on that big long rant about American late-night show hosts and their quality? To quote the great Patrick Troughton, “You had this place redecorated in here, haven’t you? Hmm. I don’t like it.” Before you nerds start sending a second email, “that’s from “Closing Time” in series 6 with Matt Smith,” it is a reference to “The Five Doctors,” aired November 23rd, 1983 for the 20th anniversary. Don’t come in here and try to out nerd me, I also know that’s the episode that Richard Mathews debuts (in his only appearance) as Rassilon, which Timothy Dalton would later take up.

All that is to say, you can redecorate your late-night shows with characterless vessels for your target personality-less teenage demographic that you dare not offend with any notion of being humorous so you get on the front page of YouTube. I still don’t like it. This is one of those episodes where I need to try and desperately not swear anytime I say the name, James Corden. I’ve never found him funny, and the reason America has this plague (and thus your YouTube home page) is the BBC’s Gavin and Stacey. A very inoffensive and not very funny sitcom that was so dull it was pulled from BBC Three and put on BBC One.

To give a sense of how unfunny it is for those who haven’t seen it, American networks tried to redo it for their audiences. First NBC tried but that was tripe, ABC hired some people but never picked up the series, and later Fox ordered the series of 7 episodes for the 2013-14 mid-season run. However, you never saw that on Fox as they opted out after only 6 episodes were made. The series was called Us & Them and would later release as 7 episodes on Crackle; Yes, even I had to look up what was a Sony streaming service from 2007-2019. Anyway, the point is: it’s a crap program that even America didn’t find funny, not even the people behind Friends.

See, I can say all this and point out how little I care about James Corden all day long, but he’s just one tiny part of the episode, “The Lodger.” It isn’t a bad episode either, in fact, watching it back I thought it was fine: well-shot, well-directed and a little heavy on horror in places. It was very energetic when Smith is given his usual school-boyish moments, though heavy-handed on the writing at times, and overall, it was alright. I just can’t stand one actor because he is doing nothing to better the role.

Last episode in “Vincent and the Doctor” I made a comment about how wonderful Tony Curran made Van Gogh, and that’s because he made that character come to life. Part of what possibly made his job a little easier was what we know of Van Gogh, the writing from Richard Curtis, and the emotional indie nonsense playing over the section with Dr. Black. Nonetheless, Curran adds that tiny bit of spice into what is already a good dish to serve, just making every flavor pop beautifully as you cry knowing how desperately the man you are watching is struggling to find the joy in life.

Craig Owens (played by James Corden) is a slightly large bloke that shares a flat with Sophie, played by the fantastic Daisy Haggard. A woman whom Craig is desperately in love with. Now this is partly a writing issue, partly an actor issue, and overall an episode issue, but I was sometimes forgetting he’s meant to love her. Even when they are in the same scene, I found myself asking, “why exactly should I be caring about this interaction?” I’ll put it bluntly, I don’t think James Corden is that great of an actor to even pull off one of the most basic elements in storytelling without being over-the-top. It is only when he’s telling the Doctor he loves him, thinking it is Sophie at the door, that really rings the “oh yeah, that’s why,” when it is carelessly on the nose with it.

That brings me to the writer, and yes it is that time of Doctor Who once again, where I get to pull out this little gem. Did you know Gareth Roberts made some transphobic comments back in 2017 and 2019, which lead to him coming out publicly as gay? I don’t think I am going to get much backlash from saying this, but bringing up that you are part of a group of people harassed, doesn’t make it ok to dehumanize or demoralize others of another group often attacked (verbally or physically).

“What’s your point?” Of course, yes I do have a bit of an issue (morally mostly) with Gareth Roberts for all of that, but I also think he’s not that good of a writer. I didn’t like “The Shakespeare Code,” I’m not a big fan of “The Unicorn and the Wasp.” “Planet of the Dead” is the only good one of his episodes and that’s because Lee Evans is fantastic and it is co-written with Russel T Davies. The rest I am left bored by. This episode isn’t great, its sequel “Closing Time” isn’t one I am looking forward to, and “The Caretaker” (co-written with Steven Moffat) features Clara. So two James Corden heavy episodes and an episode with Clara in that bloody school? I think I want to shoot myself.

After all that was the last episode’s sword of Damocles, the “monster” for this episode isn’t much better but far more prevalent to what is going on. A shapeshifter living above Craig and Sophie has created a T.A.R.D.I.S. and has been kidnapping tens to hundreds of people and killing them. The entire idea of the monster is that it has been killing people to make the T.A.R.D.I.S. work, but every time someone new is tested, the Doctor’s T.A.R.D.I.S. is flung around the place. On the surface, it sounds like a great little idea, but it is never given the proper amount of time to fully form and lead to an interesting or fun clash.

Overall, it is a meh episode that has a few high points. All the same, I just don’t care for it as much as I do the next episode or the last one. The best example of why I don’t care for either James Corden episodes is this: For every little compilation video on YouTube of fun or interesting moments in Who, there are maybe four between this and “Closing Time.” Of course, the door key bit and the bit about redecorating, are the only clips with Corden in them. Otherwise, it is Smith and Gillian moments, the latter with her “BIG YES!” moment in the T.A.R.D.I.S. Even those clips aren’t bothered by these episodes.

Phenixx Gaming is everywhere you are. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram.

Also, if you’d like to join the Phenixx Gaming team, check out our recruitment article for details on working with us.

Phenixx Gaming is proud to be a Humble Partner! Purchases made through our affiliate links support our writers and charity!

Doctor Who "The Lodger"

5

Score

5.0/10

Pros

• "Now, footballs the one with the sticks, isn't it?"
• Matt Smith being that boy-ish fun Doctor.

Cons

• Interesting monster that isn't given proper time.
• I can't stand James Corden.