Corpse Husband and Public Discussion of Chronic Illness

Today is a departure from the normal sort of content I usually make for Phenixx Gaming. Most things I make are reviews, news, or editorial pieces that comment on a social issue or aspect of entertainment. To some degree, this article applies to the last idea, but it is a little more serious. Normally I like to keep things at least somewhat lighthearted, though educational in tone with these articles.

I also don’t tend to discuss personalities that pop up on YouTube or Twitch all that often, other than spotlighting LGBT creators or creators from other marginalized communities. However, with the conversation surrounding Corpse Husband and his meteoric rise to fame in recent months, something caught my attention.

Now before we get too deep into the topic at hand, I’m going to give some details for the few people that live under a rock, who have not at least heard of Corpse Husband in passing. Corpse Husband (henceforth referred to as Corpse) is a content creator and musician. He has broken Spotify records despite not being affiliated with a major label or showcased on any Spotify official playlists.

Additionally, he has also gained fame in the gaming space from playing things like Among Us, Minecraft, and other multiplayer games with people such as Valkyrae (The Game Awards’ Content Creator of the Year for 2020) among others. Aside from what might be considered a shockingly deep voice, Corpse catches people’s attention for another reason as well. No one knows what he looks like.

I finally made another lobby
Among Us tomorrow, Friday 1PM PST

Dream
Sykkuno
Valkyrae
Natsumiii
TinaKitten
Ash_on_LoL
PeterParkTV
JackSepticEye
Disguised Toast

— Corpse Husband (@Corpse_Husband) February 18, 2021

This is by design. Corpse is one of many “faceless creators” who prefer to keep their physical appearance out of the public eye for their own comfort and safety. People have tried to scour the internet to find what he looks like, or forcibly out him without his consent, all to just satisfy their curiosity.

However, that’s not the main focus of our conversation today. Corpse also happens to be one of many people suffering from Chronic Illness and has been vocal about the idea that he truthfully does not know how long he will be able to keep up his chosen career, due to his health and physical state. Of course, being someone (even “faceless”) with a following on the internet, he has people who are simply eager to see him fail, or tear him down on every video he posts or any public forum you can imagine.

Before I carry on, I decided to write this article due to a video titled “Spending a day with Corpse Husband” by a YouTube personality known as Anthony Padilla. Padilla is known for co-creating the popular channel Smosh, though he is no longer affiliated with the channel and now does interviews and deep dives into various communities among other things.

I have been following Corpse’s rise to fame and his content for a while. I find him entertaining, but even more so I find his genuine, soft-spoken nature fascinating, especially juxtaposed with the struggles he deals with. Like so many people he struggles with depression and anxiety, along with physical struggles that doctors currently have no explanation for.

I am no stranger to chronic pain, and I am lucky enough (as strange as it sounds) to have a disorder that actually has a name and is diagnosed. It also happens to be genetic and something I was born with, so it isn’t like it was a mystery at any point in my life. In Corpse’s case, his condition is degenerative and thus he is seemingly on borrowed time.

Yet for every negative comment that can be seen on social media, there are fans and people who rally behind him. There is even a running theme amongst his fans that if they ever somehow accidentally came across his real appearance, either in person or otherwise, they would simply pretend not to know, all in order to ensure his comfort and prevent any further anxiety on his part.

What people don’t understand, is that when you talk about Chronic Illness in any capacity, many able-bodied people don’t have a frame of reference for the amount of effort and energy just managing to function takes. If you have chronic pain, and that pain kept you up all night, work still has to get done that day. That means you’re running on very little sleep, and you’re doing what someone else might do in ten minutes, but it takes you longer.

Your body doesn’t get to recuperate with sleep, because the pain kept you up all night. Alternately, maybe it affects you by making you extra-fatigued because simple actions that get you through the day are more taxing. You may require more sleep than the average person, which means you have to cram as much work into the amount of time you’re awake and active, as you can.

Now imagine either of those scenarios and think about the toll that takes on your mental health, even if you don’t already have anxiety or depression. Society shoves this ideal in our faces that we have to be functioning members of society, and that only people who contribute are worth anything. When your body acts against you, when it fights you tooth and nail to push you away from that ideal, it takes a toll mentally.

In a degenerative case, watching your body deteriorate, being unable to do the things you once loved, or the things that make you feel “normal” or “adequate” as a person, is hard. To circle back to Corpse’s case, take what I just explained, and then imagine putting yourself out there (even faceless) for the world to see, and pick apart. At the same time, do so while trying to bring other people into a more positive headspace.

Not to sound cliché here, but it takes a special kind of person to push through that kind of pain and try to bring other people up. To hear him say (as he said in the video) “I f***ing hate myself deeply” is heartbreaking, because it isn’t hard to imagine where that comes from. He does a job that makes him happy and fulfilled, or at least I would hope it is a job that makes him feel that way.

However, his body pushes back every step of the way, and there is a ticking clock reminding him that he can’t do this forever. All while people on the internet are just happy to tear him down, not realizing that this man is earning money for himself because there may come a day where he can’t work anymore. It hits differently for me than it does for other people because I get it.

I understand trying to put yourself out there for the world, trying to follow your passion, all while you know that so much in life is fleeting, and there may come a day where it all ends. Even worse, (I imagine) is knowing that the period where it all ends, will come long before you want it to. People want to tear him down, and they want to tear other people like him down because they just want someone to jab at.

They feel like crap within themselves, and they bully or abuse others to distract themselves from it. It takes a real warrior’s spirit to withstand that, push past the pain, and drag yourself out of bed to bring light to the people that want to see you succeed. A lot of us here at Phenixx Gaming have mentioned and talked about how we need to change how we talk to and about each other on the internet.

This isn’t a new conversation and it isn’t one that is going to go away anytime soon. Yet I think we really need to stop and think about how we treat people with Chronic Illness, especially when they create things for the world to enjoy. You should be supporting your favorite creators anyway, and many people do, but a lot of us take a lot of things for granted.

We think “oh, that person will be around tomorrow, I’ll donate to them then” or “eh, I’ll buy that album later” or “I’ll support this creator later, they’re doing okay.” We don’t stop to think that things could change drastically from one day to the next or one year to the next. After surviving 2020, can you really sit there and tell me that you know for a fact what tomorrow brings? Your favorite creator could leave social media for medical reasons, mental health reasons, or something worse could happen.

I AM CORPSE!https://t.co/ntUI4C0inl pic.twitter.com/r1yHSiCFGt

— rae ☀️ (@Valkyrae) March 18, 2021

In our own lives, people often look at folks with Chronic Illness and say “You should try harder” or try to use other disabled people as “inspiration porn”. I’ve heard people say “Well Michael J. Fox works” or “Marlee Matlin is deaf and she’s won awards!” to inspire disabled folks to “do more.” Somehow if you can’t live up to Marlee Matlin’s immense talent, or Michael J Fox’s career, you’re not doing enough.

Here’s the thing. Not every disabled person has the same limitations. Not only that, but disabilities such as being deaf, are far different from Fibromyalgia and other Chronic Illnesses. Without exorbitant amounts of money, some people just can’t function and succeed at that same level without an uphill battle and a crap ton of effort.

The road to success is different for everyone and differing amounts of effort are involved. Some of us may not even make it all the way with the cards we have been dealt. That doesn’t mean we have to stop trying. If anything, we should take a page out of Corpse’s book and fight to do as much as we can while we are able. Even if we never make it to the peak of success, fame, or whatever goal we set, at least at the end we can say we tried.

In fact, to pull this around to a more relatable idea, even people without Chronic Illness have struggles that most people don’t know about. We all have our struggles and overcoming them to push forward toward our goals and dreams is important. Mental Illness is a common struggle, depression, anxiety, and other things like that manifest even in people without chronic pain or chronic illness.

People are going to read this article, and inevitably there are going to be trolls that have two things to complain about. They’re either going to say that as a fan of Corpse Husband I’m trying to get his attention or that I’m trying to garner sympathy for his illnesses or my own. Neither of these things is true, and in truth, those people are proving part of my point.

We need to listen and try to understand that people with Chronic Illness are people too. They have struggles and talking about them is great for building awareness. However, talking about them does not give you the right to compare them to others or invalidate other people’s experiences because “it could be worse, stop complaining.”

#comfycorpse Is about making sure people with chronic illnesses and disabilities can play games with as little pain as possible. We cannot erase @Corpse_Husband’s pain but we can try and help ease it if he is ok with it. Lets see if we get any feedback.

https://t.co/UQE0CpHNL4

— Noxie~ (@EireneNoxie) March 18, 2021

Just because someone has it worse than you do, doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck for you too. Talking about these things is how we help one another to not feel so alone. I don’t expect Corpse to ever see this article, but if he did I would just hope that he understands one thing. He isn’t alone and there are people who haven’t even met him, but they see the person behind his public image.

If it wasn’t already clear, we here at Phenixx Gaming wish him and anyone else out there suffering from Chronic Illness, nothing but the best. We see you and we understand. Mental Health and these sorts of intersectional conversations have always been a part of Phenixx Gaming’s foundation, and these types of discussions are important.