“Vampires,” slightly crap looking CGI monsters, tall and pretty 20-something White women with pointy teeth and no reflection, along with a time-traveling old man popping out of a cake like a stripper? I am only excited about one of those, and it’s not the one you are thinking of. It’s only the second episode not to be written by Moffat this series, and it is one of about four episodes I really don’t like. Out of 13, that’s not bad. Though one of them does include James Corden, so I will be looking for a high bridge, length of rope, and/or a shotgun that week. That isn’t even the two-parter written by Chibnall either.

See, the odd thing is, I know Toby Whithouse can write good supernatural/sci-fi comedy-drama. He created Being Human. Though I am just simply bored by the 16th-century Venetian horror tale. One which is trying desperately to set-up our third T.A.R.D.I.S crew member. Oh yeah, Rory is back, which I’d be saying a lot more about if it wasn’t for the next episode. The fantastic Arthur Darvill playing the lovable and sometimes stupid Rory is the show understanding that while Tumblr was making fan-fiction of the Doctor, young men needed something of themselves to put in there too.

See, I really like Rory. Not for the fact he’s also a bit crap at realizing the obvious when it comes to love, but he saves us from Davies’ trope of companions. Yes, Donna shirked the idea of getting off with the 10th, but there was one moment at the end of the last episode where Amy tries snogging the Doctor, who pushes her away. I cherish the “Heel boy!” nature of River and the Doctor from the last story, but otherwise, I don’t want to have any idea of the Doctor and their (all version’s) sexual excursions. I’m not saying you can’t have it, I’m simply saying I don’t care for it and often roll my eyes (I’m looking at you, Martha!).

Rory, on the other hand, he’s kind of the best of both worlds, in that sense. He’s a bit rough around the edges (sorry, Arthur), he has an undying love for Amy, and he’ll wait for her for 2,000 years, literally. Once Doctor Who had shaken off that anorak-wearing bifocaled weirdo stereotype projected by the detractors of the late 80s, he’s kind of what male fans look like. Average looking, with nothing too offensive or anything standing out. Once all the idealistic thinking of: “I want to date a male model, a footballer, or actor” falls away, it’s a bit like women turning to their male partners and saying, “Ya know, you aren’t too bad actually.”

So, Venice and the fishy vampire-thing that we’ve got going on, I think it is just one of those episodes where you can see the budget. Now, don’t get me wrong, it could just be a bit of the writing, some color correction, and personal tastes feeding into that train of thought. However, compare it to the look and feel of “Victory of The Daleks,” and the locations feel a bit ‘meh,’ as it were. Maybe it is the unsaturated palette, which is often a creamy-beige of buildings or the darkened crypts of the vampire house and one or two other interiors. There is also that climatic stormy/night shot which is clearly a day-for-night shot.

Call me a purist, call me a sycophant if you must, but I don’t like the prevalent day-for-night shot used just about anywhere. Though, there is one example when I do think it works because it was later stylized, as Mad Max: Fury Road made everything garishly blue. Do I love the scenes? No. Do I think that added to the scenes? No. Do I still think Fury Road is one of the best films ever shot, aside from those scenes? Yes. Could I say the same of “The Vampires of Venice?” Not really.

See, this is the problem I have and I know it is a bias that is saying all of this. If you gave Alexx the same episode with the same knowledge of Who, he’d love it because he likes similar shows, like Merlin, for example. Don’t get me wrong, Hellen McCrory and Alex Price are great in their roles, I’ve just never cared for these types of flat period-driven diabolical villains. They feel less like complex cartoon beings and more like a thinly-veiled and under-written criminal from a musical. Preferably something a bit more Blon Fel-Fotch Passameer-Day Slitheen, not the dark and gritty reboot of Oliver Twist.

I think the biggest way to measure exactly what I think of this episode, is that I don’t want to watch it again for at least a year, maybe two. Give me “Blink,” give me “Smith and Jones,” or give me “Rose,” I’ll watch them again right now. If you gave me “Victory of the Daleks” in a month, I’ll sit there with a smile on my face. I’d do that because I think they are fun, enjoyable, exciting episodes of Doctor Who, but if I have to watch this one again that quickly, I’ll start headbutting my office wall instead of my desk. Out of everything so far this season, this is the one I’d be least happy to sit down and watch again anytime soon.

As for the overarching story at this point of the crack in the universe, it is teased. Now, I could be wrong here, but I also believe that the silence referenced in this episode isn’t THE Silence. I don’t know, I’ve forgotten if they are. I also think I am saying this for the second time, but I could also be wrong here: The crack references are a little more on the nose than, say, Bad Wolf. The only bits pulling me through the episode seem to be humor, something I’d put down to Whithouse’s background, and a little fleck of editing from Moffat.

All the library card bits, “yours is bigger than mine,” the woman outside in a bikini, and so on, provide a good bit of light to an otherwise ‘meh’ episode. While I could go on about how wonderful Darvill, and by extension Rory is, I don’t think this is where he comes into his own. In fact, the next episode doesn’t really have him playing a superhero for Amy, it is the other way about actually. However, I think that’s a better episode to showcase the relationship. Here he is mostly hung up (rightfully so) on the fact the Doctor and Amy kissed, so he’s a bit too mopey for me to care.

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Doctor Who "The Vampires of Venice"

6

Score

6.0/10

Pros

• "I like the bit when someone says, 'it's bigger on the inside?'"
• "Got my spaceship, got my boys!"

Cons

• The day-for-night shot pulls you right out.
• A lack of nice saturation of the pallet.