I Was Wrong - Star Trek: Discovery

Warning: The following article may contain spoilers for series such as Star Trek: Discovery, Picard, Short Trek, Lower Decks, TNG, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise, and The Orville.

I abhor Star Trek: Discovery. With that first episode and the entire first season being some of the worst TV I’ve watched, I gleefully state with all that hatred and bile. That series is not Star Trek. I’ve discussed this before, but a brief history of my Star Trek knowledge begins with my uncle, who’s home was adorned with posters and memorabilia. Oddly enough, he’s also one of the uncles that developed my love of first-person shooters with Serious Sam and Doom (1994). From then on, I knew of the franchise, and I’d go on to watch re-runs and scattered episodes of TNG, DS9, and on occasion, Voyager. I fell in love with the adventure and philosophy to be good that the series showcased.

I’ve never been one for Star Trek (the original series, that is), which never personally felt like the world I’d come to adore. It was a little too monster-of-the-week for me. The scarce amount I’ve been able to endure of Enterprise has been painful. The dreadful “interpretation” of a “Faith of the Heart” cover by Russel Watson, which Brannon Braga has defended, puts me off every time. It is a fine show with a messy premise and quite a few duds. Where do I stand with J.J. Trek? Force Awakens was a fine popcorn-flick, The Last Jedi was brilliant, and The Rise of Skywalker can curve its spin backward and jump up itself again. Ok, seriously: Chris Pine, his crew of dullards, the dreadful lighting effects, and godawful writing can all sit alongside Star Trek: Discovery‘s first season. That is, in the bin, where they both belong.

Though more recently, I watched Picard from this past year, and it was a mixed bag. The beginning was very good, beyond interesting, particularly Star Trek, filled with fan service, and grounded around everyone’s second favorite captain. Then that ending turned it into a complete mess, akin to those reasons for my Discovery contempt. It was poorly written, hastened closer, and ill-conceived in some respects.

It never really got going. Once it had started, it was too late and everything needed to be wrapped up. The serialization (to an extent) is one of the problems I have: It gave the writers too much room to tell that big sci-fi concept story that was drilled down to essentials with a 10-episode run. Instead, it did a pilot over eight and a half episodes, the plot finally kicked off, and suddenly it was time to wrap up in 15-20 minutes.

Now, years after first getting very angry at the entire crew eating magic mushrooms, getting stuck in high-school drama, and not a single one of them spending a day at Starfleet; I’d been persuaded to return with season two of Discovery. All of which was with the promise that season two and three were much better, a touch closer to Star Trek proper, but still annoying in many areas. I have to say, I was wrong… kind of. Burnham is still that character with nothing but protagonist syndrome, the crew continues to be the ill-tempered childish inmates running the asylum, and I want to kill a man named Spock just so we can all move on with our lives.

The timing never aided the first season, coming at the time when Star Trek would return to our screens with a slightly different voice. I am, of course, talking about the greatest Star Trek we’ve had since the late 90s, Seth Macfarlane’s The Orville. “Sacrilege,” as I am sure you just shouted at the words on a screen, but it is true. The Orville is the best Star Trek series we’ve had in a long, long while. Between ships not powered by magic, characters that understand to be professionals, and plots that simply show their measure as a woman. Not only this, but they feel like a crew who can and will joke, care, and compromise with each other. There are touches that falter for some, but overall it is brilliant Trek filled with love.

“I don’t like Seth MacFarlane,” you might be saying. Neither do several people I’ve gotten to watch the show, our Editor-in-Chief Alexx and my dad included. When I asked Alexx about a succinct opinion on the series he noted, “The Orville perfectly balances comedy, social commentary, and imaginative sci-fi in one neat package.” This was said of the show that was created by the guy who created Family Guy and voices half of that show’s cast. The thing is, I’d agree that it doesn’t go ham-fisted with comedy nor does it let drama overbear a human response. The Orville’s crew feels like just that, a crew.

Unfortunate timing was the only issue that betrayed Discovery‘s release, it was CBS and the creative team behind those early episodes. Issues ranged from the writing, decisions on those first few episodes causing cataclysmic divisions in the fanbase, and… Jésus Christopher Christ, that direction that flung the camera in a tumble drier and pointed that at some actors. I haven’t even spoken of CBS yelling, prior to release, “We’re holding it for ransom on our new streaming service that no one needs!” The only things on there worth watching is Star Trek, Colbert (half of which is on YouTube anyway), and Frasier. Unless you are a 70-year-old and will watch every NCIS again, The Stand (the “meh” remake), and other useless dramas like Blue Bloods, Madam Secretary, and Hawaii Five-O.

Let’s talk about the writing out the gate: It was dreadful. Michael Burnham is a woman without character, just someone with nothing but flaws. I hate her. The decision, a parallel with Picard in many respects, to have Star Trek have a lead character instead of an ensemble in a serialized drama doesn’t work well. It is too long-form of an entertainment sphere, hence why the films didn’t work (along with J.J. Trek being awful outright). With TV, which has been broken up by Netflix and the binge, there is a whole different set of rules to play with. Bite-sized chunks break up the story.

Some of it has improved, though Michael continues to be almost nothing but flaws and asking self-indulgent questions; “Why is everything in the universe tied to me?” Because you are trying to tie it to yourself. The larger crew, Burnham’s supporting cast of high school dramatics, I hated from the get-go. Voyager had a similar problem, though it turned out to be one of the only good things of that series. Doug Jones’ Saru is clearly based on Robert Picardo’s The Doctor, who himself is based similarly on Brent Spiner’s Data. It is not a bad thing, though Doug Jones has become the default “we need to cast a tall, thin, and alien,” as evident by Hellboy and Pan’s Labyrinth. The appeal has worn off.

Out of the box, he’s the most appealing of “main cast,” as we’ll call it. That, of course, being Michael, Saru, Stamets, Tilly, and whoever the Captain is in each season. Jason Isaacs’ Lorca is not that fun to be around. I hated Tilly in season one. In season two, she’s grown on me a lot because she was given time and characters to bring her across. The JahSepp “May” gave her a chance to take center stage in “Saints of Imperfection” with the beautiful world of the JahSepp. That’s the point where I started to enjoy Tilly because she had a role other than being that annoying American comedy character that talks a bit too much.

It is also the episode where we get the gays back! Ok, one of them never left, but the point is the only notable LGBTQ+ characters front and center are both there again. Alexx spoke about the trope of “gays for graves” being broken a while back, and it is nice to have Stamets not mill about in depression. However, as soon as Hugh is back we’re in high school, awkwardly stopping for 5-minute conversations as we have the world-threatening villain 10-minutes away. I’m not saying we can’t have the gays show emotion, either walk and talk or do it later. I also prefer Tig Notaro’s character approach to revealing she’s gay, say it once and move on.

That just leaves the Captains, or rather the Time Lords. They swap out actors at a regular enough pace that being promoted to Captain of the Discovery is like wearing a red shirt. Season 1’s captains were… No, just no. Season 2 finally got someone from Starfleet with Captain Pike, and I love him. “You’re a Starfleet Captain. You believe in service, sacrifice, [and] compassion…” spoken like a true Federation Captain. That is better than Jason Isaacs’ quote on Lorca: “He’s probably more f**ked up than any previous Star Trek Captain.” Great (read with sarcasm), that’s what I want in my show about love for exploration and humanity, sacrifice, and knowing to do the right thing. Love it (not really!).

To say that broke Roddenberry’s rule of “No interpersonal conflicts” (within reason, of course) would be an understatement. Burnham, in the opening two-parter of Discovery, knocks out Captain Georgiou so Burnham can have her space racism moment. Which is something she later has by killing a Klingon and starting a war. The point that I am trying to make is, while it is in name, Discovery‘s first season is not Star Trek proper. Season two isn’t much better, still focused around a character that’s almost entirely flaws and nothing more. It has a lot of needless nonsense.

A good mystery is one you can look back on and plot out where you came from to get here. Season two of Discovery can be plotted, but there is a good chance you’ll break what I consider the golden rule of writing, “And then.” Matt and Trey of South Park (I know) went to a university and did this talk about if your story beats have “and then” you are screwed. They need to have, “therefore,” “because,” or “but” between them, and then you can have your nice story and conflicts. Not everything in Discovery is that way, but in retrospect, clearly defining some points becomes muddy because you have a character pushing her way into a story as if she’s the center of the universe.

Shall we swap over to the design? Budget Abrams, what a disaster that is. STD (itches like one too) is ten years before James T Kirk takes over from Captain Pike. Why do we have non-canonical rubbish like holograms that make no sense? Several times we’ll see holograms in a room, they will move, and lean up against a table. Do you also have a table in that spot? Speaking of tables, DS9 just created tables that fart out holograms, a hundred and eleven years from Discovery‘s first appearance. To say I want to throttle producers and studio heads would be an understatement, just let the series show a bit of history. While we’re on it, does everything have to metallic black? TNG and DS9 spilled color everywhere it went.

Let’s not pontificate on it for too long, because I am sure message board admins set themselves on fire in protest of having to deal with it, but the Klingon redesign. What would happen if you take these really nice complex characters from an evolved race and turned them into cheap Daleks? Ok, I’ll admit, the Daleks are far-more dense as characters, but what had been created through decades of work of fleshing the race out is shot from a grassy knoll square in the head. Now they are awful Unas knock-offs.

I think the biggest issue of the design is the tone it sets, along with the dreadful writing of that first season. It is re-enforcing the idea that everything must be grimdark now. Between an overuse of swearing, that time the Klingon envoy held up her own infant child’s severed head, the almost monotone backdrops most of the time, and a constant desire to get into action-heavy combat, that’s not Star Trek. Even in the second season it feels more like Battlestar Galactica or Star Wars than Star Trek.

Often the plot re-instills that Battlestar Galactica development more than it does Star Trek. The entire second season is essentially a slight wave of the hand and the phrase “alright.” Very few times did the question of ethics come to mind, even when it came to the first contact with a non-space faring colony of humans. Instead, they gave them tech to advance the colony a touch. Let’s not even talk about season three’s ethics of finding out Cleveland comes from a family of killers, hence his desire to protect endangered species. However, ten minutes ago he was blasting humans and aliens alike to tiny little pieces. Ethics!

The first double-bill had a chance to do ethics with the computer. The first season could have possibly done something by pulling the rug from under you, painting Burnham as the villain. Nope, no one cares about ethics anymore, they just want to shoot a Klingon because they are space racist. How many times has a bit of sci-fi used the ethics of a computer? Yet that pilot missed every bit of it because it was trying to pull you into buying CBS All Access. How about portraying the desecration of bodies played as a hero moment by strapping mines to them?

The only time ethics was broached in season two was when Ariam’s anti-virus failed (it must have been Norton). The problem I have with that is the fact that Burnham a full minute before had a nonsensical emotional debrief of how she can’t punt Ariam into space. Then the two of them punch, kick, shoot, and hurl each other across the room. Even then, Ariam is the one saying “Boot me out into space, I am going to kill you and end all of the sentient life in the universe in a minute.” I honestly can’t get behind the emotional side for a few reasons, most notably because the memories Ariam stores on Discovery are mostly of Tilly, and Michael is one smile by a turbo lift.

Shall we move on to the lack of inertia dampeners? I’ve never climbed inside a tumble drier or a washing machine, but I don’t want to after seeing Discovery. It is a show that uses butch angles and lateral movement at the same time, as if that’s adding something other than half masticated carrots (that you never ate) all piling up on the floor. I honestly don’t see how anyone could excuse this, even as it continues into season three. Between a camera that’s been put on a spin cycle and editing that’s sometimes gone through a blender, some scenes can and will be all over the place. Fight scenes are some of their worst, which is problem Holywood enjoys having; An inability to string a fight-piece together unless it is a John Wick film.

So, what was I wrong about? I was entirely right, that first season is not Star Trek at all: Why the Federation didn’t fire Burnham out into space for being a nuisance and starting a war is beyond human understanding. However, to write off the second and third season with the same brush would be irresponsible. I’ll repeat, not as irresponsible as being space racist, shooting the first Klingon you see, and starting a war. Though, nevertheless, as reckless as a human can be.

They should not have started the series with Burnham not as the Captain’s number 1, and not had her be just a bucket of flaws. For the love of all that is Klingon, don’t pretend she’s the ray of sunshine beaming out of everyone’s anus and then have her never show any of those wonderful characteristics. Though it isn’t perfect, season two is a good jumping-on point if you know a few things about the first season. Burnham is irredeemable, plainly; The crew is full of idiot teenagers who want to have a natter midway through a very important and time-sensitive mission; and lastly, Spock can jump in a river with stones strapped to his feet for all the good he makes to the show.

All that said, though I don’t entirely enjoy the Section 31 business in season two. It is a great big adventure that I feel we’re at least on the right side of. At this point, and I believe this is what the kids say, I am ‘thirsty‘ for any Star Trek I can get at this point. While Picard also did a lot of fan service, it is ruined by similarly messy hands that didn’t wash themselves before touching. I’ve yet to touch Short Treks, but that series does have one of my favorite characters I’ll talk about in a minute. I could shoot up on Lower Decks all day long, but we only have one small season of that so far. I guess I need to break out the DS9 DVDs again, if I want nothing but good Trek.

For all that I am bemoaning Discovery‘s shortfalls, that second season gave me two of my favorite things of all that is Star Trek. The JahSepp taking Tilly to the land of the spores which Stammets plunges the ship into all the time. It is the best world. It is like dropping acid inside a disco ball shaped like a Rubik’s Cube, colorful and wonderful. Watching that episode on a 4K TV with all this HDR gubbins was worth it. I want to go back and I want to bring back JahSepp May with us on adventures, I love the ghost.

That said, May isn’t the alien I love the most. That would be Me Hani Ika Hali Ka Po; a 17-year-old woman that looks bohemian. She’s the queen of her own planet, she doesn’t take any crap, and did I say she’s wonderful? Yeah, she’s a bit like Tilly’s head in clouds demeanor when she’s excited, but being excitable and not annoying. Not to mention, I love her eyes! They are so big and the fact they shut sideways like Saurian makes her and her Xahean people something I want to see more of. I’ll just take Po’s adventures if I’m quite honest.

In short, for all that I’ve prattled on about Discovery having a start that was as rocky as the cliff face it was jumping from head-first, season two and three are much better than the hellscape that is season one. Still, the best Star Trek from CBS is one of the classics or Lower Decks, but if you want something a bit fresher, you’ll want to hop aboard the starship Orville. Either way, I’ll be heading into the final frontier. I was recently handed far too many Star Trek books and I think I need to brush up on this Section 31. Here is hoping that’s more about Star Trek and not “let’s have a punch-up every two minutes because we don’t have plot.”