Several billion, two-hundred and sixty-nine million, eight-thousand, and forty-three times. That’s the number of times I’ve heard: “GTA 6 Leak!” with the spelling and grammar of a high-school dropout bank robber that does exotic dancing on the side. As a kid, (don’t tell Fox News) I loved ramping off a pensioner’s corpse while getting adult favors from a woman obtained by questionable means and paid by equally mysterious blood-soaked means. My point is, I grew up loving this mad little series about gangs and violence, but if I hear one more instance of: “GTA 6 Leak confirmed by my friend’s uncle who works at Nintendo,” I’m probably going to kill someone’s grandmother.

It is now several years since the release of Grand Theft Auto V, the fifteenth game in the series. Its age definitely shows. Before your Cyberpunk 2077s and the word fortnight being misspelled, it was the most sought after game of 2013. It is, in fact, the best selling piece of entertainment in history. Not bad for a series that came from Scotland. That is all of Hollywood and Bollywood taken down by the people who eat haggis and sound unintelligible to humans, my people!

If I were stupid enough, I’d talk about the online portion, but I won’t. It is a hellhole filled with cheats, scum, and villainy, and none of them are EA executives. It is a dreadful pile of microtransactions, elevating itself bit-by-bit on every player’s dime, with the latest updates requiring more and more simply to play and enjoy it. The metaphorical den of thieves is home to one of the worst experiences you can have in gaming. That is, the multiplayer/online is terrible if you are playing alone. However, with a couple of friends (eww, what’s that?) and some substances to loosen you up, it can be a great experience of a sandbox filled with tools and fun games. What a shame it is a nightmare of microtransactions to get there.

The game itself, (the single-player) is the literal peak of the mountain. It balanced every misstep of the previous games, refining those mechanics that felt perfect in prior releases, and turned everything up to eleven. The map is a return to the magnificent state of San Andreas, the in-universe take on beautiful California. Said map is flawlessly sculpted like the chest the Venus De-Milo. I remember that September evening, the game had just released and I was handed my copy. I waited for the eight or so GB to install, waited for it to load, and was awestruck by those first moments.

As my by now aging PS3 whirred its interminable fans and console magic, this game I had been waiting for with bated breath since April-May was there in front of me. It was console magic, how a PS3 could make this world come to life with colorful characters from every corner. It was (and is) nothing less than wizardry. Yet, a couple of years later, the game would release on the PS4 with improved graphics and a more stable 30 (ish) FPS. Additionally, you could now play the entire game for the first time in the series, in first-person. My tiny human brain had exploded.

In this world of fiction that Michael, Franklin, and Trevor would terrorize, I was now in control. However, I think that is the beauty of Grand Theft Auto V over all the rest. Each one of the main characters is truly their own character. Each of which convincingly and subconsciously feel different. Whether it is through Michael’s tired and cliched movie quotes, Trevor’s id-like quality to be as manic as the player’s thoughts could be, and Franklin… Well, that’s the problem.

For all that I’ll happily spill glee over the series I grew up playing and the digital people I’d threaten with an armada of weaponry, the stories and characters never were and still aren’t perfect. The series itself a hodge-podge of on-the-nose satire of American life. There are attempts at heavy storytelling, and manic destruction of American cities with every game. To say it is politically messy would be a massive understatement. Women, in this release in particular, are often treated like toys. Minorities are sometimes questionably subversive for the sake of a joke at their expense.

For years I’ve held it up as nothing more than that, a satire of American life. An all-proof shield against criticisms of drug use, prostitution, minorities, and so on, which I’d still agree with but with a lot more nuance mixed in as seasoning. On the one hand, you have the European yogi Fabien who is such a caricature he’s hard to pin down. On the other, you have Solomon Richards and Tonya Wiggins who are both bland in comparison because they are cliches of their respective backgrounds. Much like Hideo Kojima’s writing, Grand Theft Auto doesn’t use the subtly and finesse of a pen to get characters across. Instead, it uses an elephant trampling over a one-man-band while crashing through a cymbal shop.

Amanda and Tracey (Michael’s wife and daughter respectively) are the closest thing we have to a stable connection with women in the plot. Sadly, both of them are hyper-dramatized sex robots who need saving or do nothing at all. They aren’t characters; they do nothing, say nothing, and provide very little other than being breasts on the screen. By far they are not the only ones, as Lamar is a comedic caricature to Franklin’s straight man. Simeon is a nuisance, and Floyd, Ron, and Wade are… a sorehead to delve into themselves.

Nevertheless, for all the broad strokes in the additional cast and the fantastically voiced cast in this blockbuster release, it is the point in which Rockstar finally found out how to pace a story. That’s not to say anything of the quality of the story itself, but the pacing finally knew how to keep the manic world and story alive while you bomb it from high above. GTA V splits it up with three leads that not only pull each other in different directions, but each also has their own pacing because of that feeling I spoke about. The downside is Franklin is the only one not doing anything about his problems.

Franklin, for all his desire to escape the world of crime never attempts to cut loose. Conversely, Michael did so several years ago by cutting a deal with the FIB. All the while, Trevor is smoking meth, eating dogs, sticking his fingers up his bum and sniffing, murdering hillbillies, giving cannibalistic nudist cults dinner, robbing banks, and sleeping with a rival’s meth-head girlfriend. Surprisingly, that’s just a Tuesday afternoon. None of them are protagonists, we aren’t cheering them on because they are right. We do it because it is stupid fun being chased down route 68 in a floral dress in first-person. It is fun to flip off the cops with helicopters everywhere, and all the while listening to Lady Gaga on Non-stop Pop.

The closest we have to a protagonist is Franklin, the only one that actually wants out of the game, as it were. He simply doesn’t take action towards it, always indifferently shrugging as he goes off once again to save Lamar, pull off a massive heist, or simply check up on a friend stuck out in the boonies. Michael (on the other hand) is a reflection of this, with a constant desire to have a quiet peaceful life. That is, before he goes and pulls a mansion off the side of a hill, robs a jewelry store, causes a former best-friend to return from the grave, begins working for the FIB again, robs more banks for millions, and slowly drags himself back into the life of crime. All with Franklin shrugging and going along for the ride.

No less, the fun and chaotic crescendo of violence and crime laying behind you like the literal bodies of everyone you’ve killed, the endgame is pathetic. At least, it is unless you do a catalog of very specific things in the right order, providing you with the right amount of money to do all that is suggested with your winning from the final climax of crime. It is all a bit underwhelming if you don’t have that preordained knowledge to specifically do each small thing.

I would be remiss if I didn’t bring it up, but once again the licensed music for the radio stations are pitch-perfect. Nostalgia steeped rock, pop, hip hop, and country, blending with contemporary follow-ups that you’d have heard over the last several years. It is a strong point of the series and the genre created by the series. All the same, it is by far one of the weakest examples of licensed soundtracks. Both Vice City and San Andreas were games that formed my musical tastes and there is just a lack of identity which both games swelled with.

In conclusion, I’ve just spent the last several minutes talking about a game you probably already own on several systems, much like I do. The simple reason why, is that I wanted to. I have played countless hours of the series, and this one comes in a close second to San Andreas on overall total. All because it is one of the reasons I fell in love with games. That anarchic joy of chaos surrounding your actions is always an inviting one, especially in games. Grand Theft Auto V, for all the minor flaws, is just that.

The PS4 version wonderfully enhanced the previous generation’s port with an all-new perspective for the series. The biggest drawback from it is that the field-of-view is so restive that even those without any other motion sickness may not find the experience inviting. On top of that, the in-game slider is as effective as one-star cops against a firework-rocket launcher.

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Grand Theft Auto V

$29.99

8.5

Score

8.5/10

Pros

• The perfect balance of mechanics.
• Finally learning how to pace a story.
• Chaotic fun, period.
• PS4 and PC's Director Mode is perfect for creating small movies in the sandbox.

Cons

• Such a restricted field of view.
• Outright poor character work.
• The Online is a cesspit of scum.