Twelve Days of Horror: Stay Home, Get Spooked

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why would I want to watch horror movies at Christmas? Okay, I kid, but if that is what you’re thinking, this might not be the article for you.

Now that we’ve gotten past that part, I am likely to be watching horror movies every chance I get in my time off work and I thought, why not share my primer with all of you? Better yet, one a day, so without further ado:

1. Us

Maybe, like me, you’re likely going to be spending Christmas alone this year. Or maybe you are visiting family, but the strains and stresses of the year that’s led us to this point have worn you thin on the concept. Either way, that makes Jordan Peele’s Us a shoo-in, unsettling the familiar and bringing into question those taken-for-granted things that we think make a home, a family, and even a self. If you’ve watched it before, join me in watching it again. If you haven’t, not to be blunt, but what are you doing?

2. Vampires vs. the Bronx

My next entry on this list has, perhaps, more of a comedy flavoring than the first. Though, okay, nothing quite makes me laugh as hard as “Ophelia, play f*** the police.” Still, the combination of humor and pointed social commentary makes it the perfect match if you feel you’ve gotten too comfortable on Boxing Day. With a stellar cast including Jaden Michael, Coco Jones, and Gerald W. Jones III and a clever, bracing script that finally brings something actually new to the vampiric canon, you can’t really go wrong.

3. Cadaver

Pivoting to a Norwegian film for my third recommendation probably seems like a pretty abrupt about-face, I can admit. Still, without spoiling too much, by the day after Boxing Day I’m starting to feel just the slightest bit overstuffed. If like me, you might be looking for an excuse to skip a second serving, Cadaver might put you off your appetite for a little while.

4. CAM

Everyone loves a doppelganger, right? Well, maybe not, but I do love Isa Mazzei’s film debut with a passion. Its sensual visuals, jarring character conflicts, and surprisingly uplifting conclusion provide a good answer to Cadaver‘s twists and turns.

5. The Wolfman

Look… I know. This isn’t a film even I can consider good by any kind of conventional benchmark, even with the perpetually delightful Benicio del Toro and Emily Blunt bouncing off each other. It’s a cheesy period horror-romance film, so let’s call it what it is. That said, it’s getting awfully cold where I am, and getting cozy with a werewolf sounds pretty ideal if they can be persuaded not to kill me.

Guilty as charged: I’m the “would kiss monsters” kind of gremlin. If you’re really surprised by that information by now, I’m afraid I don’t know what to tell you.

6. Hush

Recommending a home invasion movie to literally anyone, right now, feels risky at best and a little cruel at worst. Frankly, I don’t know why I’ve been watching so many lately. We can question my self-care another time though because Hush is so enjoyably well-made that it’s more than worth the trouble. If though, you are watching this one on your own, I will not judge in the slightest if you keep your lights on and your phone closeby.

7. I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House

This is a bit of a weird one to describe. I know saying, “just watch it,” is a cop-out, so here are a few selling points. If you, like me, love Ruth Wilson, movie sets that feel so closed-in the film could have been a play, and fresh twists on ghost stories, I feel pretty confident you’ll love this film, too.

8. The Strangers

I know, I know. I just said home invasion movies were a bad plan, but this one’s such a great template for the genre, it’s hard to turn it away. Sure, it’s a little dated, but it’s still delightfully effective and genuinely scary. It’s worth a watch if you’re new and worth a rewatch if you’re not.

9. Mama

Guillermo del Toro. Javier Botet. Unconventional family stories and horror movies that reward compassion and don’t punish women for not being “natural mothers.” A take on the “creepy child” that doesn’t make me want to roll my eyes into oblivion. Need I say more?

10. Blood Quantum

Much like with vampires, zombies have been in dire need of a fresh take or three, and Blood Quantum has finally scratched the proverbial itch. It’s clever, full of heart, and puts Indigenous heroes front and center of a striking plot supported by a fantastic cast.

11. Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018)

Is a double feature cheating? Maybe, but I watched these two back to back a while ago, and in my opinion, so should you. That said, I won’t tell if you prefer one over the other and stick with what you love, it’s just a good time for witches, lesbians (okay, heavily coded lesbians…), bright blood splashes, and heady dance sequences. Pull up a chair.

12. Hellraiser

This may seem like a weird one to close off this list with. Thing is, it falls on the day I have to go back to work. If you ask me, I think we can all do with a little excessive self-indulgence and an enjoyable, surprisingly progressive take on the final girl, when it’s time to get back to real life.