The Textorcist Free On Epic

You know what would be strange? Me writing about football this week. Monday, I spoke about my lack of a medieval engineering degree for Prime Gaming, while Zoë went on about the strange horror game about skin canvased walls being delayed. Tuesday, Zoë would speak of a charming looking French developed Zelda-like game about a skeleton, all the while Alexx fell over himself for some blokes called Sam and Max. Wednesday, I held back the urge to say Take-Two will ruin Codemasters, and Thursday, David spoke about his love too, as Civ 6‘s next DLC was revealed.

I won’t mince words today: I’ve not played this week’s free game on the Epic Games Store. I’ll happily play just about anything put in front of me. I like games, and as long as I can play alone and at an acceptable enough frame rate, I don’t mind playing something I might dislike. A typing tutor? Ahh hell, no! That is a sick joke, you horrible little creature of 63-chan, as I believe that’s we’re at with where the horrible people run off too now. As much as I’d love to say, “I’ll play anything,” The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia combined with my history of dyslexia simply does not mix, believe it or not.

It might seem strange given I’ve written this by typing things out. I’ve written 574 other articles on this site alone, and I have spent the week reading Doctor Who novels. “Haven’t you overcome your dyslexia?” No, that’s not how it works. This article has been edited greatly by the ever-patient Alexx and Lisa. Reading a section sometimes takes two or three passes sometimes, and the volume of which I’ve written just shows I have a lot of tangents to talk about. I would love it if things were that simple. However, a typing tutor-style game requires quick reading, understanding of that word, knowing every key in the keyboard, and quickly reacting to everything to type it out. Though, my biggest concern is the fail states; a literal roadblock that I’ll spend the rest of time tormenting myself over.

Though I do enjoy Dark Souls smashing me about the penis with a ball-peen hammer, The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia would be to me what Souls-likes are to those with lower mobility. If you are unlike me, I’d suggest at least giving The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia a try this week. It is free on the Epic Games Store until the 19th of November. It is a nice idea between the demonic occult in gameplay mixed on a bullet-hell and typing tutor, and I honestly wish I wouldn’t think of it as an exercise in frustration.

Next week, I’ll get that trucker suntan, as I fling my arms out the cockpit of my little starship, listen to lots and lots of Doctor Who Big Finish audio dramas, and get arrested for transporting some illegal space weed and Raxacoricofallapatorians. Yes, we’ll be talking space trucking with Elite Dangerous; the space sim for very boring men who enjoy nothing happening for hours until you tab out to switch your podcast while smashing into Sol 3. Though, that’s not all! There is also anime if it were produced by the CW with The World Next Door. It is the answer to the question: “What if a teen drama was set during a masked swingers party full of pretty and thin 20-something, the game?” Oddly enough it is a match 3 puzzle game, behind all the pretty characters.