I’ve been playing the FIFA games since Moses was a young lad. Back when I was first playing, there wasn’t such a thing as female players, and Sepp Blatter was only settling into his job of corruption. I’m joking, of course, though it is nonetheless true that I started playing on this monolithic beast known only as a PlayStation. I still have the slightly coffee-stained disc with the name “FIFA 2001” on it, which means I’ve been playing these games for longer than most of you have been alive. If you give me a moment, I’m going to go and cry over that depressing fact while eating ice cream and watching Ugly Betty.

I’ve never been one for football, and I’ll hit you with a trowel if you call it “Soccer;” there is a reason it is FIFA, not FISA. Maybe it is the sectarian hatred between teams in Scotland, maybe it was learning new swear words listening to John Hughes behind the dugout in Falkirk. Or perhaps it was 2003 invading the pitch in celebration of the team being promoted and thus the ceremonial “let’s destroy the stadium that’s been here since 1885.” Ahh Scotland, you really are the violent caricature you are portrayed as, and that’s not a compliment. In short, if you didn’t like football or rugby, you were (as was common to call someone in the mid-2000s) “Gay” or other harsher slurs to that affect.

Jokes on you, me and my drag queen lover Javier will never leave each other. Ok, jokes aside about calling out stupidity, violent natures, and my general displeasure toward the world of sports. I’d always love a bit of FIFA now and then back on the old PlayStation 2, the last of which I played was the 2009 release of FIFA ’10. By that point, EA had all the money they were getting, and I was more than happy with what I’d already had. The best of these was FIFA Street 2. Nine years on from my last venture into the world of lots of balls, what’s changed?

Well, first, I think it is better asking: why aren’t I reviewing the newest one? It wasn’t $3 for a physical copy with Killzone: Shadowfall for an extra $1. So the biggest change is, I’m not willing to give EA more money for something I’ve got plenty of in one game already. That and I’d like to call myself a bit savvier, at least when it comes to what EA has pushed into the series with the advent of online play and online streaming. Yes, I’m talking about the one section I’m not touching even in my most desperate moments of needing to feel good. That’s what Javier is for.

The downright gambling and predatory nonsense that EA’s name has been tarnished with in-recent years is all thanks to “Ultimate Team.” The cesspool that is filled with nonsensical microtransactions for “player packs” that are the pre-loot box of loot boxes. My only interaction with this section of the FIFA games happens to be adverts of young white men getting over-excited on the YouTubes and the Twitches, all because they got a Black or Brown man that kicks balls all day. Back in my day, we’d go out and buy proper trading cards, play Yu-gi-Oh!, Pokémon, and the thematically on-point collection card/sticker “game,” Panini sticker albums.

Yes, that’s just the crusty old man in me yelling about how it used to be, but I don’t understand the point of it. I’m one of those people who was bored to death a few years ago at E3 when EA got some bloke called “Pelé” out to commit torture upon the gaming community. The Ultimate Team feature is aimed at people who know who Didier Drogba is, not someone that could name Lady Gaga’s number 1 hits in order. The common phrase around the FIFA games is that they are “casual,” but there is more subtly to it than that. I am casual to the games, but the target fanbase of them are engrossed by the world of their team and their game.

As for other additions, there was never a full story mode akin to an RPG, with “The Journey.” One where you take control of some players as they get signed or want to be signed, with the third and final chapter for the series’ lead in Alex Hunter. However, you also take control of another dolt (Danny) getting his first season (to my understanding) and Alex’s sister Kim getting in the women’s USA national team. Oh yeah, the only interesting bit of football for me between 2009 and now was the 2019 Women’s World Cup, and I was pleasantly surprised to know I could go play as Alex Morgan and Megan Rapinoe.

While Pelé was yammering on for the 2015 release of FIFA 16 which introduced women’s football to the series, EA forgot to promote that properly. Not that it is a big change two years on for FIFA 19 either, as you can only play as the women’s national teams. If you want to take control of them in say a “career mode,” you are going to wait a while. As to my understanding even the newer games don’t allow that. At least, off the bat. I still get to play the Women’s World Cup, so I can’t complain too much about that.

Nonetheless, The Journey mode is as you’d expect, a hyper dramatized puff piece on Danny, Alex, and Kim, with Mass Effect-style dialogue/decision systems. I might seem like I’m digging its ditch already, but the truth is, I know it isn’t all that special when WWE was doing this with full player-created characters in 2015. Not to mention, The Journey has been replaced with VOLTA Football as of last year’s release, so it is not as if there is much to talk about that would link back to more recent releases either.

As for the Hunters and Williams’ “Journey,” it isn’t bad. Again, if I cared about the sport, if I’d played the previous two chapters. If I’d cared at all, I may have higher praise. However, it is just another collection of menus, challenges, and expectations made of you. They are only contextualized by cutscenes and dialogue that is aimed at empathizing you towards cardboard cutouts of characters. Of course, with my aforementioned enjoyment of the Women’s World Cup last year, and especially the US Women’s team, I’d found myself enjoying time with Kim. That doesn’t stop any of them from being bland and unoriginal in many respects.

They are most notably characterized by shouting “FOOTBALL!” when asked, “What do you like?” They have little depth other than stereotypes such as Danny, who’s English, getting sponsored by a fish-and-chip shop chain he used to go to as a youngster. Which isn’t to say the blithe attempt at humor isn’t at least smirk worthy, though it lacks any proper kick to it. It is blind indifference towards trying to tell a story or rock-the-boat in any way. Instead it is playing it safe and saccharine.

I feel like I’m about to say the same for the gameplay, as it’s also played safe overall. It doesn’t feel like it has changed in what was nearly 10-years. There is no need to reinvent the wheel when the shape you are already using works though. It is still nice, fun, and a bit arcadey, but overall it is working and doesn’t break. The biggest difference to it must be the accessibility, which was either nonexistent or I was blind to it when I last played. For some, it is as simple as adding a bigger marker above players’ heads; for others, it is adding to the reaction times, subtitles, color blindness, and a collection of other options.

The accessibility is a welcome surprise, even if I may have missed some of it before. It opens up the availability of play to anyone, and while that does add fuel to the “it’s a game for casuals” crowd, they can go lick the dirt off of some manky old footballs. Much akin to F1 2020‘s concerted effort to provide accessibility to players struggling with the finesse of controlling an F1 car, there is nothing but good that can come from this. The more people that can play the game, the better; it is about the inclusion of those who want to play, and letting them play how they want to.

Overall, if your last experience of FIFA was in the late 2000s, the core hasn’t changed all that much. Yes, there is the inclusion of gambling in Ultimate Team, along with women now being at least represented, but you can still play that same game you were playing 10-15 years ago. Now it is just a bit shinier with all the players looking like the nurse has hardly put them down yet. If you haven’t picked up one in a while, find a second-hand copy in a charity shop or somewhere and you’ll have all the fun you had before. Just avoid the gambling mechanic Mecca that is Ultimate Team.

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FIFA 2019

$49.99

7

Score

7.0/10

Pros

• The Journey mode is at least interesting.
• The addition of Women's football in some respects.
• Added accessibility over the years.

Cons

• I won't touch Ultimate Team, ever!
• A few less teams than previous years seemed to feature.