Yes, you are reading the title correctly; I’m including the supplemental episode “Time Crash,” but why? Well, it is two Doctors (5 and 10), it is as Moffat-esque as Moffat can get with only a few moments, and it is the lead in to “Voyage of the Damned.” Oh, and it is fantastic! It is 7-minutes of sci-fi that should be complex and unbelievable with Black Holes, time streams converging, and a whole lot of Doctor Who happening for a Children in Need special. That also means, that because it was a one-off special for charity fundraising and licenses were being wavered for a good cause, “Time Crash” isn’t online for Americans (and I assume others).

If you are in the UK, the BBC has it free on YouTube. To sum it up in a manner that won’t be pleasing to Who-fans: The TARDIS has a bit of a wibble, 10 tries to spin around the console fixing it, and literally crashes into his soon to be father-in-law and his 5th incarnation. Ok, only one of those is to do with Tennant’s personal life. In short, two Doctors and two TARDIS’ (TARDIS-i?) have collided into one time-stream, and are in the process of making a paradox that will blow a hole in the universe the size of… Belgium. It is a bit anti-climactic really. Though, they will be dead due to the Black Hole that is about to suck them in.

So, how do you fix that? 5 thinks the solution is asking 10 about that mad L.I.N.D.A. lot that sings ELO and gets consumed by a green monster, thinking he’s just one of them. 10 thinks the solution is blowing up the TARDIS to create a Supernova. Bish, bash, and bosh, a Supernova is an explosion, and a Black Hole is an implosion. One cancels out the other, meaning matter stays constant throughout time, and it means the crisis is averted. How did 10 work it out? He didn’t, he watched 10 do it when he was 5. Again, how I easily understood things like this first time, but the better subtext of “Family of Blood” passed me by as a child amazes me.

It is a stupid little adventure on one set, done with love and adulation for what Who was, and then later what it would be in 2007, creating the now. It was this plucky and skinny little Who-fan called David Tennant that got to work on a show he loved, and with his favorite Doctor. Not to mention, it was written by easily one of the best writers for New Who, who wrote something silly, funny, and a little heart-warming. Anyway, when that’s all said and done, 5 tells 10 to put up the shields this time… I mean, what are you going to crash into in space? A Titanic?

So, “Voyage of the Damned” anyone? It is easily my favorite Christmas special in Who, possibly just passing “A Christmas Carol.” I’m also partial to “Twice Upon A Time,” as I made clear with its fun little multi-Doctor story having special moments in an Epic Games Store article the other week. There is nothing wrong with “The Next Doctor,” “The Christmas Invasion,” or some others; Though I’m sure we can all agree, “The Runaway Bride” is just a bit crap. Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush here: I’m going to spend the rest of this year moaning about Donna. So strap in for that.

Anyway, “Voyage of the Damned” is all about 10 crashing into the bow of a ship with period-appropriate life rafts with the name “Titanic” emblazoned on them. Sure, ice is blue, but I’m pretty sure a little blue box didn’t sink the titanic… unless U.N.I.T. covered it up. Ever-curious, 10 uses his time and space machine to stow-away on the ship to find out what is the deal with a stonking big ship crashing into his admittedly larger one? It is a ship, but not in the way you’re supposed to think. This one has little red men, Australians in sanitized French maids outfits, killer robots dressed as angels, and– What was the last one?

Oh yes! It wouldn’t be Doctor Who if it wasn’t for a bit of peril and danger in an exotic location. The starship Titanic flys over Sol 3, otherwise known as Earth. After Tennant’s antics of the last episode, it seems it is only right they arrive on the day some humans celebrate the birth of the baby Jésus/consumerism. Well, I say the birth of the baby Jésus, there is a dispute over that, and it is that. It is said he would have been born in October, but we’ll leave that alone. It’s Christmas everybody, or rather just two months from the day as we publish, but I can’t shift my entire schedule for that; plus, you’ve probably already heard about “Fairytale of New York.”

Why do I like the episode so much? Well, it is everything New Who is best at: Devilishly camp villains, explosions, a Doctor with energy bouncing around the place, a companion with a dream of adventure, social commentary, and more. All of that aside, I can’t get the companion out of my head, boy, your loving is all I think about. Oh, wait no, that’s what she was singing roundabout 2001. Joking aside I do love a bit of Kylie. I know, Americans are asking, “Wait, one of the Cardassians (Kardashians)?” No, a true queen, you cretins!

Am I done now with the jokes of Star Trek‘s Cardassians, the Kardashians, and Kylie Minogue? Probably not, but I’ll try and calm myself a bit. In all honestly, I do cherish the time we have with Astrid Peth. She’s just so full of life, happiness, wonder, and Minogue’s portrayal is fun. She’s one of the few companions that I don’t mind kissing The Doctor in the library/swimming pool. I think the reason for that is, we know she’s not getting a series-arc based around her and her fantasy wedding to The Doctor. It may also be that she’s not shy about wanting to get off with him either.

Of course, she’s not the only other character in a 70-minute long episode, that would be stupid. Well, I say stupid; There is an episode in series 5, where there are four-distinct looking characters with only three actors and some robots. In true-Who fashion, this isn’t the case; instead, it plays host to the gambit of characters you tend to have. The working class sympathetic type, the space aristocracy you are supposed to hate, Bannakaffalatta who you’re meant to suspect, and the ever so fun Astrid with nothing but a dream of seeing the stars from another planet.

I haven’t even gotten to midshipman Alonzo Frame or Mr. Copper, two stand out characters in a sea of companions and villains. However, I’ve saved the best for last: Bernard Cribbings, you sexy beast! Did I just call 90-year-old O.B.E a “sexy beast?” Yes, I did, and I don’t regret a bit of it. Bernard Cribbins is a wonderful man that has done just about everything possible there is to do in entertainment. He is a proper gentleman of the 60s through the years. An older and more adult audience might know him for his novelty songs or appearances in the now-dated comedy series Carry On. Younger audiences would know his voice from the ever so sparingly talked about Wombles along with the more fabled reading stimulant, Jackanory.

Who fans will know him best for his role in the Peter Cushing film of “Dr. Who,” not to be confused with Doctor Who. Ahh yes, the films that skirted the boundary of copyright law, yet are still accepted by many Who fans for being moderately OK. It was better than what Fox produced in 1996, I’ll tell you that for free! Nonetheless, the character of Tom Campbell would die with Daleks’ Invasion Earth 2150 A.D., though 40-years later, Cribbins would be back with a new character. I do love Wilfred Mott, he’s just a scruffy old man that likes sitting on his allotment and mumbling to himself about those aliens that are definitely coming.

He’s one of the few (if not only) times I’m happy that Doctor Who in the modern era has gone a bit more domestic in places. I’ll go a step further, he’s the best thing that comes from the Donna Noble companionship. He’s just a much better companion in every way. Again, he’s another one that’s excited to be with The Doctor on an adventure, and that’s what I love about him; his desire to see what is out there.

I don’t need a large-breasted blonde, a Wendy Darling-like ginger from Inverness, or whatever reptilian nightmare Clara was. I just want an old-man that likes his vegetables and aliens. He’s also got that old-man quality of being a bit unfiltered, so you get a bit of comedy in his “non-politically correct” observations of aliens. Though that’s getting ahead of myself, he’s only briefly in “Voyage of the Damned.”

That’s “Voyage of the Damned” in a nutshell. It is exploring that Christmas threat that has been posed on old-London-town for the past two years, but from a different perspective. Literally in a sinking ship, oddly named the Titanic. It is only named as such because Max Capricorn wanted to use a fitting name for the ship that he’s using to commit insurance fraud. Though that’s where I think it all goes a bit wrong for my liking, I’m not too fond of the rather grand speech during Max’s reveal as the villain behind it all and his inevitable demise. I like the campness of his villainy, but there is just something I can’t quite put my finger on.

As a whole, “Time Crash” and “Voyage of the Damned” are a great stand-alone story. Together they are a simple fun adventure with some referential rewards for those that have been watching and continue to. Minogue’s performance as Astrid is one that I’ll always cherish. Given the fact that we’re about to spend the next several weeks in depression, her fun and energetic portrayal is the last we’ll enjoy from the main companion for a while. That is not to put aside the wonderful Russell Tovey as Alonzo (Allons-y, Alonzo!), Mr. Copper’s Earthanomics, or Cribbins Wilfred, all of which are great in their own way.

There is just one thing I want to highlight before I end it, joke about next week’s “meh” episode, and tell you once again to watch “Voyage of the Damned.” Mr. Copper’s understanding of Earth gets me every time: “…in the country of UK, ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner like savages.” I love it every single time, and Clive Swift will be missed. It is yet another colorful and wonderful character Davies brought to life with a fantastic Christmas special.

Next week, I’ll be talking about the diet industry being genuinely awful both in fiction and real-life. We’ll also get into Donna gawking, and the rather crap “comedy” that is about as flat as Mike Hughes’ idea of how gravity works.

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Doctor Who "Time Crash" & "Voyage of the Damned"

8.5

Score

8.5/10

Pros

• Astrid Peth, she's perfect.
• A wealth of colorful and great characters.
• Fun Christmas Who.

Cons

• There is something lost with Max Capricorn.
• The sequence batting the halos away doesn't do much.