Sometimes I just sit and wonder why I do these articles at all. I hate doing every-single-one of them. Every week it is more crap that is valueless or irrelevant, only sometimes capped off with games that are mildly interesting. The irrelevant crap I’ll be talking about next week is: Big Farm: Mobile Harvest, Mobile Legends: Bang Bang, Warframe, Destiny 2, Last Day on Earth: Survival, Apex Legends, Epic Seven, and whatever replaces Impulsion from earlier in the month. Though that’s Prime Gaming next week. Let’s talk about the loot we’ll be delving into this week, shall we?

We’ll start with League of Legends as it is the last ten-day promotion of the current run. If you’re quick enough to snag them before the 28th (next Monday), you can pick up three mystery skin shards. Whatever these skin shards are, you can instead “re-roll” three of them into one “random” (i.e fixed percentage) skin permanent. It never will be, but I can only hope this is the end of the League of Legends guff.

World of Tanks, or as it would be called if I could get away with the joke “WOW.” It has been about a year since we spoke about the King Tiger tank being available constantly, and it has finally moved on to make way for the “Starlight kit.” As a promotion with Amazon’s own web series The Boys, it features a Starlight commander and “2D style,” which I’d assume is just a badge. It also comes along with all the usual contrite consumables, discounts, and a limited number of days premium. If you’re taken in by a blonde that killed her parents in an elevator in another series, you can pick up this bundle before the 22nd of October.

Speaking of a useless MMO flogging its wares featuring women so (typically) straight men can look at them, next is World of Warships. I don’t care that its name renders my last joke a little odd, I like it (the joke not the game). This month it isn’t a woman, though the Ashley Violet tripe is still available. What is available is three-days rental of His Majesty’s Ship Cossack and some loot boxes. It’s quite a boring ship as well, if you want a good WWII prisoners-of-war being freed story you should look up Jack Churchill (not related), single-handedly freeing folks with a claymore (sword) and bagpipes. Anyway, the loot boxes and crap ship require players to be level 8 and will leave Prime on the 15th of October.

Valorant, I had to wait a few moments so I could remember which bland cross of Overwatch and Apex Legends this one was. It is that really indistinguishable one made by Riot, the one with the same muted color palette so lacking that a Piet Mondrian would throw the world into chaos. Now you can pick up a tiny “netter treter” charm to bangle off your gun, a bit like what is available for Apex Legends. This offer ends on the 15th, when I’ll be talking about something else just as bland and lacking in character.

Valorant isn’t the only thing added to Prime this week. You can pick up a RuneScape and Old School RuneScape seven-day membership with Prime. For once I can’t give any ifs, ands, or buts about this one, it is as straight forward as it gets. Though I will say, I’m sick of talking about RuneScape ever since doing that article on the guy that tried to sue Jagex, especially after getting an email (presumably) about another attempt he’s having against them. Expect many more RuneScape drops, as Jagex and Amazon have another several planned following the 13th of October.

Let’s get this next mess out the way, as I have a special hatred for what Yahtzee with Buddies is doing. Big Farm: Mobile Harvest did it and I was miffed off then too, but an “amazon exclusive frame” giveaway, really? A frame for a profile picture, a bloody frame, a-profile-picture-frame! Oh yeah, value for money that is. Don’t worry, this useless piece of watery cat excrement disappears for good on the 1st of October.

The best is saved for last, though the best isn’t all that great, as Last Day on Earth: Survival offers up a dog. A rank one albino German shepherd, which as far as I know is just a decorative item to sit and bark every now and then. You could paint strippers every color of the rainbow and offer me a taste, I still wouldn’t touch a mobile phone game with $99.99 microtransactions. If you want the dog you’ll have to be quick and pick it up before the 24th of September.

Now on to this week’s free game, and it is… Bridge Constructor. It is a bit underwhelming and not just because it is in the title, but I’m honestly more likely to jump over to Epic and play Football Manager 2020 this week. I’m not joking, I had that thought this weekend of playing the game I said is about spreadsheets, over the game about sending trucks across a bridge with less quality engineering behind them than a politician’s tweets. It is a good game, but it isn’t the type of thing I’d drop playing anything else for.

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