How well do you think the BBC’s prop department/This Planet Earth build their TARDIS’? Can we stick a writer in there and fling it off a building to see how well the craftsmanship holds up? Preferably a really big building, something like the tallest building you could find, one where I could take a run and kick at the box. Well yes, I do believe manslaughter charges would be handed out, but at least if I did it before 2004 we wouldn’t have to talk about “42,” Torchwood, “The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood,” “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship,” and all the crap from Series 11 and 12.

I love Doctor Who to death, you might have noticed given I’ve excused the crap that is the end to “Love & Monsters.” Though with that love comes a bit of resentment when things are just irredeemably vomit-inducingly awful. For example, “Fear Her” and the tripe that was that entire mess. Give me Doctor Who almost any day of the week and I’ll be happy, but give me a Chris Chibnall episode and I’ll defecate in your cereal the next morning. Why? Well, this is where it all starts!

“42” is in reference to the time left before the big climatic horrible Doctor killing suspense will happen, or it would if The Doctor wasn’t a magic space wizard. What is the horrible event that will kill him, Martha and the boring people? Crashing into the sun. Now, I don’t know how comprehensive your science classes were but from those that I attended, including the ones I was thrown out of for saying “That’s what she said.” I know that is not how the sun works. It is also not how any yellow dwarf star of pure plasma falling through space held together by its own gravity firing out hydrogen and helium through thermonuclear fusion works. Also, they aren’t pointy or yellow.

With the number of big or scary science words there, even children can tell you might just melt before you hit it. Which is ignoring the fact that the plasma that forms what we can see of the sun just happens to be a gas that burns at the tips, at about one-million degrees Kelvin. That’s just a little bit hot. When the likes of Comet Lovejoy in 2011 passed through the sun’s Corona, an imaginary line we’ve drawn around the sun, it emerged mostly intact. Passing through the sun (hitting it directly), as some comets have, results in them exploding through drag after hitting some 600 meters per second. That’s what happens to ice and rock; We’re soft, squishy, and fleshy so we’re less durable and we don’t resist heat like a rock can.

Yes, I’m angry about this, and yes I’ve been angry about this since I was 10. Wouldn’t you be? This is ignoring the fact we’re set for several episodes focused around time by Chris Chibnall with only one of them being good. I’m just angry someone believes you can hit the sun. That is all putting aside the fact the episode is aesthetically similar to “The Impossible Planet” & “The Satan Pit,” which I didn’t like in the first place. It is all mid-2000s industrial spacecraft with one fill light on the background spilling a mood color of reddish-yellow. That’s not fun sci-fi, that’s depressing.

Speaking of depressing, the people are flat and lifeless. There is the usual boss woman that runs the ship, the young rugged bloke anyone in their 20’s would have ridden like a pony, and every other brand of typical character to keep things suspenseful. I’m not looking for The Doctor to go looking through their unmentionables, or for them to break out in song and dance before burning up before hitting the sun. I also don’t need them to have a My Little Pony collection or something. They all just lack something, and they all look a bit grubby which doesn’t help distinguish them.

It is a fine episode with a bit of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire between opening doors. Yet it is not an episode that jumps out at you for a good reason. It isn’t “Smith and Jones,” “Blink,” “Silence in the Library,” “Victory of the Daleks,” “Amy’s Choice,” or “Vincent and The Doctor.” It also isn’t “Let’s kill Hitler,” “The Rings of Akhaten,” “Heaven Sent” or “Hell Bent” whichever is the good one, “The Pilot,” “Rosa,” or “Fugitive of the Judoon,” to name a few. There is nothing big that happens, there is little advancement of the overarching plot for the series, and it is just a bit dull. Not to mention, again, you can’t crash into the sun!

Next week, I’ll be talking about racism, a pocket watch, middle England, my hatred of children, a “John Smith,” 1913s teachers, and one of the double-bills in Series 3. Don’t worry, from here on out it is a double-bill of something great then a standalone episode that is one of the greatest of all time. After that, we have a triple-bill that sent ripples through the rest of Who for decades to come. All that is followed by the best Christmas episode with a bit of Kylie. Oh series 3, I do love you sometimes.

Phenixx Gaming is everywhere you are. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram.

Also, if you’d like to join the Phenixx Gaming team, check out our recruitment article for details on working with us.

Phenixx Gaming is proud to be a Humble Partner! Purchases made through our affiliate links support our writers and charity!

Doctor Who "42"

0.00

3

Score

3.0/10

Pros

• Tennant is half decent at least.

Cons

• The first of many Chibnall episodes
• You can't crash into the sun!
• Why does it all have to be based on time counting down?