WARNING: The following article contains links and embedded videos that may contain language that some readers may find distressing. Reader’s discretion is advised. 

Right, let’s talk about Ubisoft before we get to the pre-show with more announcements than the actual show. You might have noticed that the company has been run through the wringer, to say the very least, and some of that is well deserved. The reason I’m bringing this up is something similar to Rocksteady’s responses to claims against them, which were disastrous to say the least. Well, hours before the showcase, Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot, finally admitted and apologized for the toxic behavior within his company under his watch. The problem with that, though it was tagged “#UbiForward,” it was not part of the actual show and according to Ubi’s social accounts will be added to a VOD.

Ahead of #UbiForward, a message from our CEO Yves Guillemot: pic.twitter.com/NDfOj4tFk7

— Ubisoft (@Ubisoft) September 10, 2020

Onto the pre-show which was a bit of a mess. It started out with a bit of Brawlhalla, which was released on mobile last month, and was played by people I (and others) just don’t care about. Sure, promote the games you make and publish. That’s what these shows are about, but I’m here for the announcements, not a let’s play by dullards. We’ll get to that in a minute. Skipping this doesn’t mean you’ve missed anything, in fact, if you did/do watch it in the VOD you’ve lost a good 25-minutes of time doing anything else.

Going on to something else you need people, alcohol, or drugs to enjoy, Just Dance 2021 is coming soon, isn’t it? Yes, and with that the next release is another one to bite the dust and feature music I’ll never understand. What is an Eminem anyway? I don’t know, but you can dance to it starting November 12th this year.

Far Cry VR: Dive Into Insanity seems like the most poorly-timed timed mistake since Microsoft and Sony announced their consoles will be releasing this November. A VR experience, it is a thing you’ll have to go to one of these special VR locations to have someone push a box in front of you as you walk around with thousands of dollars of tech on your face. Yes, it is a location-based VR “game” set in the Far Cry 3 universe, but isn’t a Far Cry game. If it doesn’t have a surprise tiger attack, it isn’t a Far Cry game because that’s just another shooter. You can’t have surprise tiger attacks because that will kill people. This experience is starting next year in select locations.

Also in VR, is an experience you can do from home called Notre-dame de Paris: Journey Back in Time. Since a fire destroyed the staple of Paris happened last year, the cathedral is closed for renovations. Ubisoft, through thousands of hours of work has put the cathedral in VR for you to visit for free. So, that’s church simulator made, and it isn’t even part of a tax avoidance scheme. If you don’t have a VR headset, you can still view the 3D work via YouTube’s 360-degree video set up.

Next is another VR game, though this one you actually have to play though I have yet to find a reason to do so. AGOS: A Game of Space is a physics VR game about being the last ship to leave planet Earth, so we can ruin space as well with mining, drilling, and other pollution. I don’t want to say it looks bad, but the glimpses of gameplay you can see in the trailer make it look rudimentary at best. AGOS: A Game of Space is coming October 28th, 2020 to your VR headset.

Pastagames is a small indie studio that has worked with Ubisoft for a while now and was featured with their token indie game. Karma is an online game with a collection of random players that will all expect you to be the one to die or get stuck so they can progress. The developer’s CEO (self-described “final boss”) and programmer, Fabien Delpiano likens it to holding the door open for others in the Paris metro. The problem is, the English will walk past and might say “thanks” for holding the door; the Scottish will headbutt you for being kind, Americans will ask how your day is going, and the Germans will tell you how to hold the door open in the most efficient way.

Karma might work for those of you who will talk to someone online and possibly be civilized. However, you are thrown in with randoms to solve a puzzle. Have you ever tried to solve a puzzle with your family? I’d rather be stuck underground in France than go through that hell, again.

Following that, The Crew 2 made an appearance to mention it has been out since 2018 and wants more money. I love The Crew 2, but there is a bit too much of the MMO/live service nonsense, and there is more coming for year 3. Starting this November there will be a new season and episode system, with episode 1 of season 1 (The Chase) coming November 25th. Also the Los Angeles Riders update comes to the game on September 23rd, bringing the joy of a Low Rider to the game.

Staying with the live service and season systems, Tom Clancy isn’t alive but his corpse is waved around like a flag every now and then by Ubisoft for their latest dreck. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Breakpoint is releasing its third episode on September 15th bringing a bunch of names and proper nouns for things that make no sense to people that don’t like the game. If you do, go nuts as you can play with the Red Patriot, or kill him. Basically you can be teased by him coming back; I don’t really know or care at this point, it was all confusing.

Speaking of confusing, I thought I was the only one high on this much coffee, but it turns out the developers of Roller Champions have been sidelining cocaine too. How anyone is that chipper and happens to be talking about rollerblading without slitting someone’s throat, I do not know. This was more of an update to say, “we’re not dead, we’re just making a bad version of Rocket League in a different way now.” They also revealed the release window of “early 2021,” and they wanted to point out that the post-show would feature quite a bit of gameplay. I don’t care, that’s in the post-show and I’d had enough of those people 2-seconds into their update.

Along with Roller Champions, it was announced you could play-test for Ubisoft, YAY! The problem with that, and I could do a whole editorial on it, is that it is free play-testing. This is just a way for Ubisoft to get people testing without having to pay anyone for their work of breaking the game. Don’t do it kids, you are better than that!

Swiftly moving on, For Honor had a brief appearance with a very stylistic cinematic story trailer for the first installment of the 4th year and 3rd season content. For Honor: Resistance is the next chapter of stabbing a bloke for looking at you funny in a bar. Not really, it is just more stabbing with the strange combat system that was hyped up by the magnificent wizard at E3 that year.

The last of the pre-show — oh yeah, we’re not even out of the pre-show yet — is Tom Clancy’s corpse being waved around New York again. The Division 2 returned to New York with the Warlords of New York expansion earlier this year. Starting September 22nd, you can start playing the new “Summit Mode.” A 100-floor rogue-lite siege on a tower. Think of a bland Die Hard (1, the only Die Hard!), where you’ll die, die, and die again in the aim of hitting floor 100. The game will also have a free weekend from September 24th through 27th.

On to the main showcase, don’t worry it isn’t too long. Gods and Monsters has been renamed to the misspelled Immortals Fenyx Rising. Honestly they might as well have put two X’s in it. Still looking a bit like Fortnite models got lost in the ancient Greek section of the museum, it looks fine in concept. Yet it looks bland in practice from the gameplay we saw of it. It feels like a typical action-adventure game with no personality, and is releasing on December 3rd. There will be a free demo exclusively for Stadia owners. So all of three people are going to play that demo.

Next up was one of the best games of all time in one of the best trilogies of all time. Oddly enough the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time leaked days before. Yes, a complete overhaul has been done to The Sands of Time for Ubisoft’s first remake, and oh my it looks good. It looks similar to early PS4-era on the character model front, but it looks as if the Prince will be back to his old time-traveling and parkouring tricks. I know plenty of people who would be turning tricks to have this game right now, and I can’t blame them. The Sands of Time remake will release January 21st, 2021 for PC, PS4, and Xbox One, with no word on next-generation or Nintendo Switch ports.

Following that was more YouTubers screaming, and my desire to drop a rod from god onto Google increasing by 100%. Starting off the E-sport and useless plod section, Hyper Scape bored people to death again with its bland battle royale getting a “Turbo Mode.” The trouble with Battle Royales and esports is that I’d rather watch paint dry on fish.

Following that, it was announced that Rainbow Six Siege will be getting a world cup, and much like the real world cup, I don’t care. You could have all the shades of the gender spectrum in one big orgy in the middle of the pitch, I still don’t care. Though that’s enough about FIFA’s corrupt hellscape, Rainbow Six Siege could have Avery Brooks and Samuel L Jackson having sex as the celebration for killing the terrorists and the fact you did it as Sam Fisher-Price in record time wouldn’t interest me. Also, there is a cartoon backstory about Sam Fisher joining the game too, along with next-gen versions running at 4K at 120fps.

The best trilogy of media is Scott Pilgrim, between the comic books, Edger Wright’s fantastic film, and the sidescrolling video game. It is sad the game only released on the PS3 and Xbox 360 ten-years ago and was pulled from sale at the end of 2014. Now the game is making a return, with Bryan Lee O’Malley finally kicking everyone out his house for endlessly begging him personally for its release. Now Scott Pilgram Vs The World: The Game Complete Edition is set for release this “Holiday 2020” on PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Stadia, and PC.

Now, I understand who Stormzy is, he’s part of the soundtrack for DIRT 5 soundtrack. That said, I don’t know why having him or any stunt casting in a game would make you want to buy any game, let alone Watch Dogs: Legion. Yes, that did just come from the man that’s spent the last four-years yelling that he wants a third Watch_Dogs game. To quote Shania Twain (look her up) “That don’t impress me much.” Even the gameplay doesn’t impress me much. I know it isn’t going to impress, and hyping it up further isn’t going help. It will just make the same problem Cyberpunk 2077 will have in November.

I still hope it will work as well as Ubisoft seems to be promising, so I can use Ethel to hack into MI5. It is just such an interesting concept with a setting that could prove to be more than interesting given the strangeness of London by default. Though that is yet to be proven. Watch Dogs: Legion will release on PS4, Xbox One, PC, and Stadia on October 29th; with the Xbox Series X/S release on November 10th, and a PS5 release yet to be announced.

Though, already Ubisoft are looking past the release with the reveal of Aiden Pearce. The world’s grumpiest mass murderer that’s angry about the murder of his niece, will be in London post-release. Oddly some masochistic weirdos thought it would be funny to ask Ubisoft to add this useless plod back in for the third game, and yes you can hire him for DedSec. If I find him in the street, I’m going to choke him to death with his shoelaces, I hate him!

I also hate humans, but Ubisoft will endlessly fire MMOs out that shouldn’t be an MMO. Luckily it is something that’s personality-less and is all about broad strokes. Yes, I’m talking about Riders Republic which I keep thinking should have an apostrophe for some reason. Think Steep but with bikes and boulders. Yes, instead of cracking your face off a tree or face planting into a mound of snow, you’ll smack your face off hard rocks, fall, and die in a 127-hours situation. The gameplay isn’t that interesting either, as it just looks as bland as possible with a guaranteed live service model built-in.

That is it for the second Ubisoft Forward, a bland showing with most of it in the pre-show that did the heavy lifting. If you want to watch the showcase with ASL, I’ll link that here. Easily the biggest and best announcements were the remake and release of The Sands of Time and Scott Pilgrim. It was the best showing they could have had, with more to come in the next few months.

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