I said it last week and I’ll say it again. You have to be stupid to r-ebrand your service or company with as little fanfare, warning, or reason possible. WWE had to rebrand, and did so after a nearly 10-year legal battle. Yet you can still say WWE or WWF to your gran and she’ll probably think of wrestling. Someone with only mild interest or a vague idea of what Twitch and Amazon Prime are wouldn’t know what Prime Gaming was, they’d think it was something new entirely. It’s bloody well not, I’ve spent over a year writing about the endless guff Amazon pays for so we can get it with a subscription.

Speaking of that endless guff, let’s begin with what made me want to end my entire existence the other week: Roblox. The answer to the question, what if there was a cheaper, much much worse version of LEGO? If you are oddly one of the many millions of 8-15 year-olds that play it, you probably aren’t the one controlling the Amazon Prime account, so I have no idea why you are here. As for the adults looking to keep little A.D.D riddled Jimmy happy, Prime and Roblox are offering a “Banandolier.” Now your child can say “I’m so random,” when in actual fact there’s nothing random about them. Offer ends September 11th.

• Hyper Scape is offering an exclusive muted fluorescent emo-styled battle pass, ending October 6th. I still haven’t seen the gameplay of this tripe.
• Grand Theft Auto Online is offering up to $1-million in-game money and a rebate on nightclub property by the Vespucci canals.
• Epic Seven is offering twenty “leifs,” and I’m sure someone wishes they were the Marijuana leaves. I just want them to spell things properly. This offer ends the 9th of September.
• World of Tanks is once again offering a care package, this time Dime, and a tank. It is the same as usual and will end on the 17th of September.

If you’ve ever wanted to play a grim isometric looking Fortnite game infused with a bit of 7 Days to Die, I’ve got some good news for you. I have bad news if you want that on anything but mobile though. Nonetheless, Last Day on Earth: Survival is a post-apocalyptic exclusive to iOS and Android (unlike Fortnite) and is riddled with microtransactions. Of course it is, I’m talking about it now, why wouldn’t it be? Either you are quite early or you’ll have to check-in through the coming weeks, as the currently offered in-game Ghillie Suit is only available until September 3rd. From there on out you’ll be able to pick up 500 caps. Sure let’s add in a bit of Fallout. This offer will be available until the 10th of September.

• World of Warships players can still pick up the Ashley Madison branded knock-off streamer in Ashley Violet, rental of the battleship Massachusetts, and some loot boxes. Offer ends September 17th.
• Researching the Yahtzee with Buddies tripe is like looking for the meaning of life in a dirty grey puddle with used toiletries in it. Before the 3rd of September, you can pick up the tournament mode master giveaway, and until the 17th you can get the “Fun for the family giveaway.“
• Those playing Destiny 2 can pick up the Standoff Exotic bundle, with a shell that looks like a robot’s lobster claw. Offer ends 23rd of September.

The FarmVille knock-off, Big Farm: Mobile Harvest, is continuing to bore me to death with its microtransaction-ladened hellscape. Nonetheless, it is still offering the seaweed fertilizer for hipster farmers that never understood that fertilizer meant fecal excrement. Though as usual with this type of thing, I’m only privy to the name and a lack of details. However, it seems that if you pick up this offer you’ll get about 200 seaweed fertilizer, with an aim not to grow much.

• The final FIFA 20 Prime Gaming pack is available, once again offering the same as the last 6 did. Offer ends on the 11th of September.
• Black Desert Mobile’s 6th (and possibly final) drop, is a premium abyssal alchemy stone chest. I assume it contains a collection of health, mana, and other such potions. Offer ends September 15th.
• The 12th, and possibly penultimate Mobile Legends: Bang Bang drop is available until the 8th. The drop includes a Fiery dance permanent skin for Rynn, as well as hero and skin trial cards.

League of Legends players have been, or at least they hope they have been, picking up the mystery skin shards available ten-days apart. Last week I mentioned that the previous three available were all showing as claimable. It seems Amazon/Twitch has fixed the bug. This week you can pick up the 4th of the skin shards, with the 5th becoming available from the 8th of September.

• Warframe players can still pick up the infested power pack, with 7-day boosts to resources and drop chances. This offer ends on September 22nd.
• Those playing TERA can still pick up the starter pack for the MMO, with strongbox keys, an inventory expansion, 30-days elite status, and more contrite crap. This offer is available until November 19th.

Before last month’s article went out, Rockstar and Amazon had updated what was available for those playing Red Dead Online, though a bug showed the drop available until March. Now it seems we’ve got a better idea of when The Naturalist bundle will be leaving Prime, December 30th. Either that or when the next content patch adds more useless guff the trough. With the bundle, you get $1,000 in-game, legendary animal pheromones, 6,000 XP, a camp set up, a couple of coats, and some ammo.

Lastly, before I move onto the games available with Prime, Apex Legends updated to feature a Rampart skin. Apex Legends might be in its 6th season, I still don’t know anything about it other than it is a battle royale, and it doesn’t even have cheese. Anyway, those that enjoy playing with Rampart can pick up her Custom Finish skin and a “finely tuned” gun charm, somehow I believe she might be a mechanic. Offer ends October 1st.

Something else that’s around for some time will be the SNK bundle, featuring 13 games on their own with the SNK 40th Anniversary collection bundle. Along with that will be The Inner World until the 11th, Trüberbrook until the 4th, and Tempest from last week until the 18th. On Friday, Prime Gaming added Impulsion, a first-person platformer and shooter, looking to mimic those of the 90s with a modern sci-fi shimmer to it. Impulsion is available until the 25th of September.

This month is another one where I’m looking down the barrel looking for the end before it has even begun. Starting with possibly the best offering, Autonauts is a farming sim where you try to automate the process. Think Factorio-style industrialized farming with an art style aimed point-blank at young children. Oddly it is the only one I’ve heard nothing about beyond it being a shining example of a game aiming to teach coding. Certainly, it is the only one that interests me by name alone.

Oh, I have a memory that is unforgiving to possibly the greyest version of something good, that’s what Effie was. I reviewed it last September, something I wish I could forget for the life of me. It was a horrid little experience of lackluster going through the motions storytelling, an open world that wasn’t needed, and gameplay that felt void of anything interesting. To call on something similar, Death Stranding was a more adult version, though it did at least provide systems to bleed an auteur developer’s hand that was used to create it. Effie was a paint by numbers attempt at making Spyro without ever playing it.

Tiny Troopers: Joint Ops is a twin-stick shooter that, as far as I could find, was only released on Xbox One, PS4, PS3, PS Vita, and the Nintendo Switch, but never PC. Based on the 2012 mobile and PC game Tiny Troopers, Joint Ops seems to be just more of that twin-stick shooter theme with shooting zombies, as most games were back then. I’ve recently said it, I’m quite bad at twin-stick shooters and they don’t interest me too much, so I’m probably not the one to ask about this one.

Speaking of that which I have no reference for, I thought Outcast: Second Contact was a sequel, it’s not. Outcast was a late 90s action-adventure about the U.S government deploying a probe on an alien world in a parallel universe. That is something that would be hard to pull off today, as the political catfight of which president to call it would be a nightmare alone. A wave of the hand and a “yadda, yadda, yadda” later, Cutter Slade is tasked with escorting three scientists to this alien world. I’d be thinking of Stargate SG 1, though without a large Black man that now runs around shouting “Boy!” instead of “Indeed.” Second Contact is the ground level remake by the original developer. I’m sure that makes one or two of you very happy.

Finally, Pumped BMX Pro is one of those games we’ve seen around these Twitch/Prime parts before. It is a side-scrolling serious BMX version in the Trials-style of getting from point A to point B. It is all about getting points and being on leaderboards. If I wanted to compare scores in a penis length competition I’d do it with AI in a Tony Hawk’s game. At least then I know I could win without hating myself afterward.

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