I think Carly Simon wrote a song about what I’m about to do. Monday, I wrote about Trüberbrook being added to what is now called Prime Gaming. Tuesday, I spoke about the alleged abuse of those that worked on Aeon Must Die!. Wednesday, I spoke about Halo‘s delay and the Xbox Series X being confirmed for November, and I spoke about Forza Horizon 3 being taken Outback next month. Thursday, I spoke about the “Mute Grab” needing to be cunningly lingered out Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1 & 2, while Mike spoke about the Xbox Series X having no new exclusives at launch. To the Epic Games Store games:

Remnant: From the Ashes is a Souls-like, and a pretty bog-standard one at that. It is the neverending-ly vague action-adventure third-person game set in a world that is dying. So close to death the machine would be turned off by now, or simply lacking the ability to die without getting kicked in the genitals. The world is grim, everyone that is still alive is eating gruel, and there are monsters with only one goal in life, killing you. All is fair in love and Dark Souls. However, it has guns, “so Bloodborne?” No, it’s a third-person shooter in a Dark Souls-style world.

“So, it is Bloodborne then?” No, it is everything else with the very grey and boring shooting of whatever Call of Duty players play when the internet is down and they can’t call someone a racial slur. Although it is missing the waist-high walls to crouch behind and yell mild insults about one’s mother, it feels more like a PS2 shooter. Though, unlike Black, it doesn’t feel as satisfying to shoot anything. Fire a gun and you still feel like you’re firing Tic Tacs out your anus and aiming for the moon. Meanwhile, the basic movement pace is slower than rolling everywhere by default, a stupid decision.

That said, the recoil of the monsters you are fighting at is much more gratifying than that description. Sadly “The Root” isn’t being said by an Australian, it is just some angry trees getting angry that I asked to write a barcode on the back of their heads. Remnant: From the Ashes is a fine Souls-like that doesn’t set the world on fire, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. While it isn’t going to burn your hands, it isn’t keeping them warm in the post-apocalyptic hellscape. I have been told by friends, “it gets better later on,” but I’ve got other Souls-likes to play first before I play this one to death.

There is one thing I did enjoy about Remnant: From the Ashes though, and that is the Fallout style talking to everyone. Unlike a proper Souls-like, this one was telling a story that wasn’t trying to be as vague as humanly possible. In fact, it is just a bit poorly written with writing on the wall of what people are about to say next. What surprised me was hearing one Dave Fennoy, which instantly had me sad and I didn’t know why, it was the voice of Lee. After I wiped away the tears thinking about him, nothing else really made me think “this is great!” it’s another fine Souls-like, much like the rest of them, and could be much better.

The second game is The Alto Collection, a bundle of two games that are rather dull as far as games go. It was just the other week I spoke about Superbrothers: contrived name to show its pretension the game. It was a mobile game not just in feeling but by fact, it was just a quick slap and dash port. The Alto Collection is just that, though not entirely. First releasing in 2015 and 2018 respectively, Alto’s Adventure and Alto’s Odyssey are endless runners with pretty backgrounds. That is it, that’s the entire game bundle summed up, the problem is using the word game.

I hate being elitist, but clicking or jabbing the A button intermittently isn’t satisfying. Yes, it is pretty, and yes, I do think the visuals are something to be applauded, but I don’t feel like I’m required to do anything with the game. I could just set up one of those executive toys where a bird nods every second or so, and somehow let that play the game for me. If you like an endless runner, or just like a “zen mode” in a pretty game, it might be for you, I just can’t enjoy it if there is nothing there for me.

Both Remnant: From the Ashes and The Alto Collection are free on the Epic Games Store all week, until the 20th of August. Next week we get a bit of a repeat of what we once had, luckily it is something enjoyable. Enter The Gungeon is a rogue-like to end them all for a while. Filled with enough guns to please an NRA member happy, it understands what makes a gun satisfying. Speaking of a stylish shooter, God’s Trigger is an over-the-top shooter/hack and slash with more claret than a pre-censor tampon commercial. Think more sanguinary and more realistic looking than Reservoir Dogs: Bloody Days.

Along with those we’ve already mentioned, you’ve just missed A Total War Saga: Troy being free on the store for 24-hours. Though, if you want to follow on from last week, 3 Out Of 10 Episode 2 Foundation 101 released as well. 3 Out Of 10 is that “comedy” that is trying to satirize the gaming industry by showing a studio that just makes shovelware. As you can guess, it is about as subtle as a brick to the face is when you’re 90.

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