Doctor, Donna. Donna, Doctor. The pairing that just brings nothing but pure and utter seething contempt for the characterization of a single figure. See, if you don’t pay attention to Catherine Tate’s role in Doctor Who, you could probably enjoy it like I did as a child. Now, with many rewatches and a better understanding of her wider character, she’s just a bit sad. Everything about her is a bit sad, and there is nothing light and fun about a woman being dragged through the mud for several miles to find out that it wasn’t just mud. Yet this is where it starts.

Well, it started with “Doomsday,” and how I wish it didn’t. Ok, let’s get a quick synopsis of the episode out the way: Donna Noble is soon to be Donna Bennett (or however she’d work that out) in a marriage to a man she met at work about a year before. It turns out, on the day of her wedding she gets pulled into the TARDIS which was on the edge of a dying sun, only to talk to Rose in an alternate universe. With Donna materializing on TARDIS many light-years away from London, both Donna and The Doctor are confused, and she’s the gobby one. Sooner or later the two are having antics trying to get Donna back to the wedding party. It doesn’t go well.

This episode deals with Robot Santa, a taxi ride that is still hellish even if the driver isn’t being a racist, and the big spider! We’ll get to her in a minute. Over the year since they met, Lance, Donna’s betrothed, has been feeding her Huon particles. This is sci-fi nonsense for “we need to move the plot along.” It turns out, Huon particles are what attracted the TARDIS to Donna in the first place. What Donna didn’t know, was the Huon particles are also what the Racnoss Queen required to wake her babies from their slumber as they wait in their ship above London. The Racnoss Queen has been working with Lance, and both are using Donna as the surrogate to advance the evil plan… so on and so forth.

It is a fine episode, it is all fine. There are great little bits, all of which compliment a stand-alone story, but we know it is not. I love series 3, I think it is je ne sais quoi. Does it have the first-ever episode of Doctor Who written by a child in their own fecal matter, otherwise known as Chris Chibnall? Yes, it does. It also has ten solid episodes, five of which are double-bills, a Moffat stand-alone piece of brilliance, a fantastic mini-episode, and the return of the gay Scotsman. That said, it makes this entire Christmas special look like soggy poo on a damp doorstep.

Let me explain by undercutting myself for next week. “The Runaway Bride” is attempting to: Introduce a character, show she’s a good companion, and make me empathize with her. Throughout the episode, Donna is the damsel in distress. I don’t empathize her because she’s an abrasive character, and at no point does she bring anything other than shouting aggressively at a monster. It is all in the first few moments, she’s loud, gobby, and grating while standing stock still.

The first few moments of “Smith and Jones,” make it one of the best episodes and is hands-down the best way to introduce a companion. We know the stakes, we know who the companion is, and we see why she’s a great companion. The Doctor even breaks a rule of time travel for her. There’s no point in being grown-up if you can’t be childish sometimes, and he was childish there. Yes, I’m cheating because that’s “Smith and Jones,” and “Smith and Jones” is perfection, but that’s my point. It is like putting Sylvester Stallone in a ring with Muhammad Ali or Rubin Carter, they might be dead, but they’d kill him in one-tenth of a round.

It was unfair putting something as mediocre and lackluster of a lead-in for Russel T Davies making possibly the most magnificent arc of Doctor Who in its first five years. What this series does from here on out is introduce and reintroduce some of the biggest, best, and most iconic characters in early revival Doctor Who. Two villains of this series are later used in their own series arcs, that is how good they are. What did this episode do? Feature a giant spider-woman that didn’t download the action DLC exclusive to the PlayStation 69.

That is what this episode is. It is a sci-fi show set at Christmas lacking the sci-fi Christmas-y feel of Doctor Who. It doesn’t help that I just dislike Donna next to Astrid, Christina, Captain Jack, Jackson Lake, Nardole, Bill, Graham, the Major, Sally Sparrow, Malcolm, Caecilius, and easily the best of them all, Wilfred Mott. Oh, I love that old man. Though I’m getting distracted again, my point is that Donna is a lackluster companion even by standalone standards, but the episode itself didn’t help that much either.

Phenixx Gaming is everywhere you are. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram.

Also, if you’d like to join the Phenixx Gaming team, check out our recruitment article for details on working with us.

Phenixx Gaming is proud to be a Humble Partner! Purchases made through our affiliate links support our writers and charity!

Doctor Who "The Runway Bride"

6

Score

6.0/10

Pros

• The Taxi chase is fun action.
• The Racnoss Queen is beautiful designed, as much as a spider can be.

Cons

• Donna Noble.
• There is a lack of action in what should be a sci-fi action episode.