As the most famous gay man once said while a bunch of women rode bikes nude around an oval track, “Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle race.” The fact that he and his three mates became one of the world’s biggest bands of all time with lyrical mastery like that, it makes you wonder. Ok, all jokes aside, sales in bikes, bike usage, and all such things have risen in recent weeks due to lockdowns as a result of COVID-19. In the UK alone, the reported number is up 20% more than usual, being used either for exercise or to get to work. Bikes are the symbol of childhood freedom, much like the car is for older teenagers. It lets you get further away from your parents.

However, there is one thing bikes can’t do this year. With many European countries taking major hits from the on-going pandemic, there are restrictions in place through all of the summer on gatherings, meetings, and so on. Germany has canceled everything until the end of August. Italy I’m sure will follow suit, possibly for longer as one of the countries struck hard by this virus. Then of course, because the UK is run by idiots nothing will change. So, of the major European countries, that leaves France with beautiful mountainside chateaus, wine regions, and miles of roads the gendarmerie will beat you to death on for being near.

With restrictions in place and events canceled in many places, it shouldn’t be surprising that the 107th Tour de France was pulled from its June 27th date. Instead, the 2,156-mile bike ride from the south of France up to Paris is taking place in August through September. Though much like F1 2020, the game for doing stupid things on roads in the south of France; or rather, a principality outside of France, has been in development for quite some time. Tour de France 2020, the game simulating the sport bringing crotch rot and jock itch back into fashion, is set for release on June 4th. It will launch on Xbox One and PS4 with a PC port coming later.

This year is set to bring something so revolutionary that Rockstar and Grand Theft Auto V will be shaking in their boots. No, I’m sure doping is still off the table. Tour de France 2020 is set to get a first-person perspective. Ok, I’m sure you’re less excited about that than was hoped, but at least now you can blow raspberries (not in-game) as you look back at your competitors. Plus, when you crash you can claim you didn’t see it coming. I’m not selling you on it, am I? At least when you’re going 40 mph down a hill on a flimsy piece of metal with rubber only to crash, fall, and die; you won’t be doing it with your own body in France.

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