Ah, we’ve come to part three of “Aliens of London” and “World War Three,” along with part two of “The Unquiet Dead.” Oh, how crap it was, not to mention a bit too cartoonish for my liking with its threat being used a joke once again when she should be seen as the most dangerous thing in the universe. Actually, we’re taking influence from that paranormal-horror episode as the true threat to set up hardcore adult fan fiction, otherwise known as Touch Wood… I mean, Torchwood. As much as I like Doctor Who, and really loved last week’s episode, don’t expect to be here for three weeks reading about Captain Jack. We’ll do that next week.

Opening with the chambers of local government, we hear a meeting of a concerned adviser on a nuclear power station. This is where I’d like to point out how little I wanted to talk about this episode, about 95 percent. Following the events of “World War Three” Blon Fel-fotch Passameer-day Slitheen, Margaret Blaine, survived the blast that leveled Downing Street and now lives in Cardiff as the Lord Mayor. She’s still a Raxacoricofallaptaorian of course, so she has to feed sometimes and escape her human suit.

Ricky is on one of the platforms of the train station, but sadly none of the signs have “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch” (a real place) or “Raxacoricogallaptorious.” Rose phoned to get her passport, yet she never told him about the 25th century Scottish-American that looks as enjoyable to ride as Space Mountain. He asks why they are in Cardiff of all places, to which he get a hyperactive retelling of “The Unquiet Dead” adding that the TARDIS needs to land in Cardiff once in a while to be refueled. I mean, the service station just off the M25 is just as lovely, but here we are.

They still have 24 hours to recharge, (it must be a Tesla) so they go out and paint the town grey. Leaving the TARDIS, Mickey notes an old woman looking at the four of them, to which Jack does as the lead of hardcore fan-fiction does and makes jokes. Mickey calls that in to question with jealousy in his voice, and Jack responds in the most 2005 way possible, forming a W with his hands. You know when your dad tries to imitate something he sees you’ve done? I’m sure the kids of today have had dads “do the Fortnite” in front of friends to their embarrassment. Well, I’ve invited you all round for a lovely chat (or 130+) for Captain Jack to do his dad thing.

At a press conference, the Lord Mayor is giving a guided explanation of how a nuclear powerplant in the heart of Cardiff will be a good thing. Of course, soon enough a bloody journalist takes a photo of her to print in his paper. Don’t journalists have some respect for the people they should be holding accountable? What is so bad about a project named “BlAIDD DRWG?” It just means “BAD WOLF.”

A lovely journalist asks Margaret if she knows of the curse, a collection of deaths that her engineers talk about. Sure, we hear of all the people she’s killed, including the man in her office at the start; He was decapitated when he “slipped on an icy patch, a very icy patch.” This lovely woman has been doing her work properly, well enough that Margaret wants a private chat. She rushes this journalist to the bathroom, where Margaret locks herself in a stall unzipping her human suit as this reporter tells her off. Of course, she says she’s going to print (no respect I tell ya), and she devolves into a personal story of her being pregnant.

Margaret gets a bit sad about her family, the one The Doctor killed in Downing Street where she’s meant to be dead too. In a small café by the water, Ricky, Jack, Rose, and The Doctor are all having a lovely catch up of storytelling until it is spoiled. The Doctor notices someone reading the paper with Margaret splashed across the front. “And I was having such a nice day,” he says holding up the paper.

It’s time for that heist soundtrack I like Doctor Who for, where the four of them surround the exits blocking her in. The Doctor takes the front door approach of knocking on the door of her office, only for her to climb out the window and start running. I never said this was a good episode, in fact, I’d say it is quite bad. From here on out it is a cartoon of 2005 saying “HA! Isn’t it funny when we make larger people run, they wobble.” I’m not saying this because I’ve been eating cake like there is no tomorrow, but it’s just not interesting at all.

It turns out she’s had a teleportation device, which is part of the comedy routine leading to her capture. The group drags her back to the office and asks her about everything to do with her plan. It turns out the grey bit of her model is a “tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator,” as Jack rattles off with no bother. I mean, what’s that Welsh for? Skateboard? Soon enough, The Doctor notices “BlAIDD DRWG” everywhere; he’s the only one that notices “BAD WOLF” everywhere but the 80s. This is also the one time I’ll complain about Eccleston’s ability to switch from sadness and confusion to the cheery, smiley, dopey Doctor.

He shrugs it off and says they are going to take Blon home, to which Rose gets excited and tries to say “Raxacoricogallaptorious.” It isn’t hard to say Raxacoricogallaptorian, Raxacoricogallaptorious, or that it is part of the raxas alliance and is twinned with Clom. As Rose cheers when she finally gets it right, the happiness turns to sadness after Blon reveals what they will be doing. It will be marching her to her execution, something The Doctor doesn’t want to do to the last of anything.

The next 20 or so minutes is both Blon trying to escape and The Doctor trying to keep her from stealing the TARDIS, killing everyone, and stomping on a puppies face given how cartoonishly evil she is. Meanwhile, Rose and Ricky have a bit of a domestic moment while Cardiff rips itself in two. Jack… Jack does Jack, and not in a Torchwood way. It all ends in a bit of a deus ex machina point towards the end, sending Blon back through her life to the point before she hatched.

I wouldn’t mind the episode itself if it had a focus on what it wanted to be and what character it wanted to bring out. The first 20 minutes Blon/Margaret is Cruella De Vil, with nothing redeeming about her aside from the baby mess from before. Then for the next 20 minutes, she’s erratically bouncing back and forth digging up sympathy as they say they are about to take her to her execution and suddenly she is cartoonishly evil again.

Other than to allowing Rose to run off and be domestic, Jack is useless. He knows space junk when he sees it, and provides the odd comedy piece. However, he’s the 5th on the roof of Reliant Robin and there are already too many with that 4th wheel. If the episode was a bit more serious, there would be cause to say he could be the muscle before becoming sympathetic, but that’s not Jack’s character.

The same could be said of the whole episode, though. The Doctor’s relaxed mood to seeing “BAD WOLF” puts him out of character. Yes, Eccleston has been fun and serious, but here it’s an instance of him being Tennant’s chaotic good character for the 10th Doctor. If anything “Boom Town” is the episode that makes me regret saying I like the Raxacoricogallaptorians, as it doesn’t treat them as a villain, but instead just uses them as a comedy piece to pull out once in a while.

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Doctor Who "Boom Town"

4.5

Score

4.5/10

Pros

• When it is dark and serious there is something good.
• Murray Gold's soundtrack to my childhood.

Cons

• I don't like Blon/Margaret being reduced to Cruella De Vil.
• Jack is just there so we can get domestic.
• Out of Character moments