Right now Peter Allan Tyler is dead again, let’s go back to a happier times: London, early 1941. Nothing bad happened, aside from that whole war thing, mass genocide and millions of people killed needlessly in the second petty war for land on a global scale. Children were shipped off away from their families, and it was another case of all the young men (and a few women) developing horrible memories of the horrors of war. Other than that, it was a bright happy time we should go to in the middle of a show that was aimed at kids to teach them about history and science. However, let’s not mince words or bury the lead, this is one of the best double-bills, and there are some very good double-bills in Who.

This is the first of Steven Moffat’s run as a writer before becoming showrunner during the phase we’ll call “The Tumblr Age.” These episodes are almost everything Doctor Who is meant to be: Fun, exciting, adventurous and a little scary with a lot of Sci-fi. It also introduces one of the most fun characters, but we’ll get to that weird gay (technically bi/pan in the show) Scottish man in a minute. First, we’ve got a sci-fi tube-thing to chase through time, back to the 1940s. While they are chasing this tube-like ship that’s giving out a Mauve alert, the universally recognized signal for danger; Rose asks if it is safe to follow; It is, mostly.

Crashing in the center of London, The Doctor and Rose follow in suit chatting about milk. There’s a double fish-eye point-of-view looking down on them from above, all the while they argue over time travel not being exact. They also discuss how they might be as late as a month, following the tube’s crash. I think it is also the first time we get the psychic paper on Earth, this time he’s Dr. John Smith. “Not very Spock, is it?” Now, I get it, Rose isn’t meant to be “one of us!!” (detail-oriented about sci-fi), but you don’t need to scan the horizon when there are perfectly fine people around. There’s also the fact that at this point there’s a comedy bit to be had, which is a common thing with Moffat.

As The Doctor heads into a quiet little bar down a dark back alley, Rose hears a child saying “mummy!” There’s a kid on the roof above where they landed, and he’s wearing a gas mask. I think that should tell you the reason for the double fish-eye camera angle from before. In the cabaret club, The Doctor is enamored with the pretty singer on stage. He takes the time to get everyone’s attention to ask, “It might seem like a stupid question, but has anything fallen from the sky recently?” Meanwhile, Rose is trying to get to the child by climbing on a rope dangling from the sky as a siren starts roaring through the city. The club dissipates from its laughter and everyone scatters to find shelter. The Doctor notices a poster on the wall reading, “Hitler will send no warning!”

Yes, we’re in the middle of the London Blitz, as Rose is climbing the rope of a barrage balloon that came loose, and for good measure, she’s wearing the union flag. The Doctor goes looking for her once he’s outside, but can’t find her. He takes that moment to talk to a cat, wishing just once his companions wouldn’t wander off as it’s the only thing to surprise him. There is also the sudden ringing from his time traveling phone box that isn’t meant to ring. A young woman tells him not to answer it, she says it is not for him, as he goes off on one about it not be a real phone and it’s not connected. Nevertheless, he picks it up.

“Mummy, mummy, are you my mummy?” The Doctor is left confused, a ringing TARDIS, a missing companion, and a mysterious young woman during the London Blitz. He goes looking for the woman and finds a family bundling into their air-raid shelter, as well as the young woman who is hiding behind it. She sneaks into the house, pocketing canned food, a warm piece of cake on the side of a table, and more. Heading to the front door for her escape, she notices the dining room, which has a massive bird on it and all the sides. I said it in the review of “World War Three,” I don’t like using the typical term “fat” to describe someone, but it is a well-off family she’s stealing from.

While Rose has been dangling from the balloon, a man named Jack with an American accent has been using binoculars and saying, “excellent bottom.” While his… friend has been telling him it’s time to get down to the shelter, it makes for the perfect innuendo to introduce Jack Harkness and his gay 1940s lover. While he’s trying to catch a woman out of the sky, the woman pocketing food starts whistling up and down the street. She’s calling in a bunch of kids-teens that look a little scruffy.

Falling from the balloon, Rose is caught by a beam and someone with an American accent. I’m going to go off on a tangent and say something about series 2 here. When Rose says she’s wearing a “Union Jack” she’s wrong, it’s the Union Flag. The reason this ties to series 2 is that she corrects someone in Mark Gatiss’ “The Idiot’s Lantern,” pointing out that it’s only the Union Jack while at sea. That fact is disputed by the flag institute, but still it is worth mentioning. Nonetheless, Jack is in what 2004/2005 thought was sci-fi for ships. There is clutter everywhere making the Red Dwarf look like Dave or Cat has been cleaning up.

We get another P.O.V shot of the double fish-eye as two more kids pile into the house with a table full of food. The woman asks one of the children if he’s been to one of these before, going on to ask if he’s sleeping rough which, of course, they all have. She passes the plate with a carved up turkey on it around, telling the kids to take one piece each. When the plate gets to The Doctor, the kids have a moment of panic. He’s not meant to be there, either in their view or anyone’s view, he’s much like them in that case. It also goes a bit dark, though that’s a staple of Moffat, taking things to “there was a man there,” or something else.

He asks around until he finds out Nancy’s name and what she does. She feeds the homeless kids while everyone is in the air-raid shelter. They are the perfect lot to ask about anything; Of course, homeless kids are going to be everywhere and see everything. So he asks if they’ve seen a blonde in a “Union Jack” and that tube-like ship that he’s been chasing. Suddenly there’s a knock at the window, “Mummy, are you in there mummy?” It’s the young boy with a gas mask, the young boy Nancy is afraid of. She tells all the kids to flee over/under the back fence. They all run, all except The Doctor.

Reaching through the letterbox, the young boy is looking for someone to touch, yet Nancy throws a vase at the door causing The Doctor and the boy to jump back. “You mustn’t let him touch you, he’ll make you like him,” she says with pure fear, “He’s empty.” He makes the phone ring, the radio tune-up, and one of those creepy cymbal monkeys wind up, all saying the same thing. The Doctor returns to the door telling him “No mummies here,” and yet the boy asks again. The Doctor replies with “Nobody here but us chickens.” The boy says he’s scared. The Doctor opens the door to find an empty street, no child anywhere.

Back on the starship-flirts-a-lot, Jack and Rose introduce themselves, or rather the psychic paper Jack uses tells her that he’s single and works out. When she hands it back she tells him about Micky, sort of. Once again, she calls a space weirdo “Spock” which he doesn’t understand and she says he’s not local. Star Trek doesn’t start for another 25-years. Moreover, The Orville doesn’t start for another 76-years. However, with his “Spock” gadgets, he can tell that she’s not a local either. She burns herself as she looks out the front window to find they’re hovering by Elizabeth Tower and Big Ben. In an effort to help the burns she’s now got on her hands, Jack uses a pen to direct nano-genes to heal her.

He assumes her as a Time Agent looking to make a deal, something she’ll happily play along with to be by Jack. Nancy has made it back to her stash, unluckily for her, The Doctor has the nose for tracking and probably the ears for it too. She knows something about this bomb that isn’t a bomb. She tells him that he needs to go talk to someone before getting this tube-thing, he needs to go find “the Doctor.” While Rose plays along, Jack tells her that she can buy something for the agency, a Chula warship. Still dizzy and flirty, she is played off as stupid so Jack wants to meet her companion from the agency.

Down by what should be the closed Limehouse Green Station, The Doctor and Nancy look on as the Chula warship/bomb that isn’t a bomb is surrounded. She tells him that the hospital behind that is where “the Doctor” is and that he should go talk to him before trying to get to the ship. Just before she leaves he asks her who she’s lost. After all, she looks after all those kids, she must have lost someone. She tells him that she lost “my little bother, Jamie.” He followed her the same night the ship/bomb that isn’t a bomb fell. The Doctor asks what happened only to get a snarky reply as they stand in the middle of an air-raid.

Using his screwdriver for the first time in the episode, he unlocks the gates outside the hospital. It is Albion Hospital; the same one from “World War Three” and “Aliens of London.” Walking into dark wards full of people laying on beds, all wearing gas masks, he’s greeted with an old Scottish man with a short temper who simply can’t believe it. Yes, I’m talking about the wonderful Richard Wilson, who just makes this final wrap-up of the first episode brilliant. The Doctor asks Dr. Constantine why everyone is still wearing their gas masks, he replies “They’re not.”

I’ve attached the scene because it’s beautiful in writing, acting, and how it is shot, but Constantine tells The Doctor to check one of them. Checking them, he notices that they all sustained the same injuries collapsed chest and head injuries. Additionally, the gas masks are fused to the flesh without any signs of burning, and there is a scar on the back of their hand. Though none of them were in the crash, there was only one who died at that time. Every doctor and nurse that touched that victim that came back to life had the same injuries the day following. The day after that, it spread to everyone in the same ward, and later the whole hospital. Constantine asks him what he thinks the cause of death is.

Guessing, he gets it wrong every time, he finally asks back what the answer is, “There isn’t one.” That’s where Constantine hits the bin with his cane causing the whole ward to sit bolt upright. Saying that they are have just been left there undying and that no one is doing anything Constantine gives the perfect doctor’s reply, “I make them comfortable, what else is there?” I say it every time I talk about this, but the concern on Eccleston shows and playing off of Wilson, the two of them are fantastic.

Convulsing as he speaks of outside cases, Constantine tells The Doctor to check room 802 on the top floor, where the first victim was taken. It was Nancy’s brother, and somehow Constantine believes she knows more than she’s letting on. Finally, as he tries to say might, Constantine begins to repeatedly say, choking on the words, “Mummy. Are you my mummy?” As he does, true 2005 visual effects that scared the bejesus out of Alexx when I showed him creep-in. That is when the filter comes up through his mouth and the leather melts through his skin to look just like the little boy, Jamie. It is horrifying in all the right ways.

Rose and Jack walk down the hallway as The Doctor leaves the ward, she tells him that Jack knows they are Time Agents. Slightly confused, Jack smacks him on the shoulder saying, “it’s a real pleasure to meet you, Mr. Spock.” The long and short of it is: Rose didn’t know what to call him “Doctor? Doctor Who?” and next they go looking around the hospital. Finally, Jack tells the truth, he put the warship in front of the two of them as a way of conning them. He’s a temporal con-artist, like Danny Blue or “Mickey Bricks.” He conned them with an ambulance, a future ambulance that has the future tech such as nano-genes. The nano-genes are re-writing the DNA of humans to keep them alive but keep them like the first human they treated.

The final thing I’ll say about “The Empty Child” leading into “The Doctor Dances” is that when Nancy goes back to the house; there’s plenty of food still there and Jamie followed her back. Trapped in the house with Jamie, he asks once again, “Are you my mummy?” Hanging off the cliff as the ward Jack, Rose, and The Doctor are surrounded by all the patients, they are all asking for their mummy. As a last-ditch effort, Eccleston in the most Doctor way does his beautiful turn from concern for Jack and Rose, to an angry parent shouting “Go to your room, go-to-your-room!” It works, they all head back to their room.

Nancy is left crying in the dining room as Jamie walks off to his room. The Doctor, Rose, and Jack head up to room 802. They make it to patient zero’s private room, as the all-clear rings out through London. Trying to make her quick escape, a small boy walks in the back wearing a gas mask, it’s not Jamie but the son of the people who live in the house, she’s caught. Since he went ahead, The Doctor has found the room first, he calls down asking if Jack has a blaster and asks if he’ll blast open the door. Rose wonders why the Doctor doesn’t use his screwdriver. The reason is, seeing the blaster he can tell where Jack is from, the 51st century.

There’s now a banana grove where the gun came from, The Doctor was once at the plant where the gun was made. They have a look in the room and its adjacent observation room, both with furniture and broken glass everywhere. The Doctor plays a recording where Constantine asks the patient where he thinks he is, “Are you my mummy?” Constantine keeps asking questions, he gets the same reply. It repeats the same line over and over again.

Back at the Lloyd’s house, Nancy is being lectured by the man of the house, with talk of “sweat off my brow pays for that food” trying to guilt her into a confession. With a smile on her face as he asks if there’s anything else she would like, she says, “Wire cutters, something that will cut through barbed wire.” She’s been watching the house for a while, and with that, she’s noticed what Mr. Lloyd has been up to. She asks for another look around the kitchen. He once again tries to say he works for that food, but as Nancy points out it’s a lot more than on anyone else’s table.

This is where I have to point something out I’m in two minds over, because it is strange to look back at. “Half this street thing your missus is sleeping with Mr. Haverstock, the butcher, but she’s not. Is she?” Nancy asks and continues with, “You are.” While it’s a way of getting a character out of a bad position, it feels like bullying a character into doing something because of their sexuality. Undoubtedly it is something that would have happened, but to play two marginalized groups against each other hasn’t aged well. She’s homeless and doing a Robin Hood story while he’s a closeted gay man in England before it is legal for people to be openly gay. Both are vilified for something out of their control.

Pacing the room, The Doctor does his usual stream of consciousness, thinking out loud to solve a problem as the tape continues to play. The tape stops and starts to rattle on all the metal casing as it continues to spin. He talks about a bunch of homeless kids that live around London, they come out during an air-raid and say one gets hit by the medical ship, patient zero is a child that is powerful and afraid. All the while, in the background of The Doctor talking, during the pauses we’d get “Mummy.” Rose asks what the noise is, he tells her it’s the end of the tape, he sent patient zero to its room, the room they are standing in.

As Americans do, Jack tells the two to make for the door on his signal, as he pulls a banana out of pocket. The Doctor, using the blaster to make a hole in the wall tells the two to run. They jump through the wall and Jack takes back the gun to reverse its fire and reform the wall. Jamie starts punching the wall forming a large crack, as The Doctor, Rose, and Jack run they are met with everyone on that nearby wards all looking for their mummy. Jack tells The Doctor all the sonic properties of the blaster, and as The Doctor is beginning to say what his sonic is he stops. Jack yells to know, and after a back and forth, The Doctor yells that it’s a screwdriver.

It’s a bit more than just a screwdriver, but it’s not a sonic cannon. Rose grabs Jack and points the gun down, they crash down to the next ward making their escape. Of course, this is an escape into another ward full of people asking for their mummy. They run into a storage cupboard and after locking the door with the screwdriver, The Doctor looks for an exit. Sitting in a wheelchair as The Doctor and Rose look at everything, Jack just disappears.

Once the kids are back at Nancy’s hideout she comes back with supplies from the Lloyd’s, to discover one of them found a disused typewriter. Talking with the oldest of the group, she tells him to think about the one time she’ll go out and not come back. The group stops doing what they were doing giving her their attention as she speaks. She has resigned herself to go to the bomb site that isn’t a bomb site. She tells them that Jamie isn’t following them, he’s following her. The clicking of the typewriter starts again as she looks down, Jim isn’t typing. The paper reads “Mummy.”

Jack tunes the radio revealing that he used his ship to teleport, he can also use his ship to “om-com” with anything that has a speaker grill. It is the same thing Jamie did with the TARDIS, phone, radio, and that clapping monkey. While The Doctor tries to escape by setting up a resonance pattern in the concrete so they can break out, Nancy breaks into the compound set up around the ambulance. Talking about their confidence in Jack getting them out of there, Rose says she believes he will because he’s like The Doctor, but with dating and dancing. The doctor responds by saying that he does dance, and Rose looks to prove it.

He grabs her hands and notices that she was hanging from a rope above London under a barrage balloon, yet she doesn’t have rope burn. There’s a sound of sci-fi ship engines stopping outside. Rose responds that “Captain Jack fixed me up,” and they argue over his Captain status while they get to dancing. Neither noticed that they were teleported onto his ship that was parked outside. The Doctor notices that it is a Chula ship, just like the one that crashed, and snaps his fingers causing the nano-genes to come to life.

Nancy gets caught pulling up the tarp that’s over the medical ship, and she gets cuffed up next to a man with a scar on the back of his hand, the same scar on Jamie’s hand. Back on the USS Love Boat, Jack reveals he was apart of the Time Agency but they stole two-years of his memories so he wanted to con them for that. The man tied up with Nancy calls his superior officer mummy. Once Algy leaves, Nancy tells him what’s about to happen to him, that it feels like something is pushing up his throat and everything we’ve seen with Constantine.

Jack, Rose, and The Doctor notice Algy is heading up the front gate, and Rose offers to do the usual distract the guard thing. The problem for her is that she isn’t Algy’s type, he’s Jack’s lover after all. Once Jack gets to him he turns and asks, “mummy? Jack, are you my mummy?” He drops and starts choking on a filter pushing up his throat. Meanwhile, Nancy has been singing her gas-masked friend to sleep. The Doctor releases Nancy and they head to the ambulance, yet when Jack tries opening it, it begins to recall all supplies or nano-genes and the wounded they saved.

The Doctor orders Jack to secure the gate and sends Rose and Nancy to fix where Nancy broke into the compound. Asking what is going on after she’s been told the ambulance is from the future, Nancy asks what else is going on, things like them all being time travelers and Rose being from London. With the gate secured and fence fixed, Jack opens the ship to find it empty. The Doctor asks him what he thinks is meant to be in the ship. When he can’t figure it out, The Doctor asks Rose, raising his hand, giving her a hint that it was full of nano-genes. Crashing, it burst open releasing all the nano-genes that found Jamie, killed earlier in that night. They rebuilt him while he wore the gas mask, they’ve been re-writing human DNA to fit what they first found, Jamie.

Nancy looks back at the gate, as hundreds of nurses, doctors, and patients, surround them on all sides. She reveals “it’s all my fault,” and cries as they start asking for their mummy. The Doctor asks her how old she is now and how old she was five years ago. Jaime was never her brother, she was a homeless single teenage mother during 1940s Britain. Jack, knowing that a bomb is about to hit the ambulance goes back to his ship. Jamie breaks down the gate with his gas mask army, still asking for his mummy, The Doctor tells her to tell him the truth.

He continues to ask and she keeps telling him until she grabs him and hugs him. The nano-genes start acting up, and The Doctor gets excited. They are recognizing her DNA until he drops Nancy. The Doctor runs over and pulls the gas mask off him, he’s back to normal. The bomb that’s meant to hit the Chula ship is caught at the last minute thanks to a long game The Doctor has been playing. Jack, riding the bomb takes it to be disposed of.

This is where I’ll complain about the Doctor Who big red button fix to end the episode. The Doctor starts firing nano-genes out his hands like a Star Wars electro-zap from a Sith. Sure, it does what it is meant to, but it’s a bit crap. I like the “Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives!” line, because it’s true, just this once in a Moffat episode everyone does live. I also like that the woman who calls for Dr. Constantine came into the hospital with one leg, and he says just like Victor Meldrew, “Well, there is a war on, is it possible you miscounted?”

Riding off into space, Jack is sitting in his intergalactic Supertrain. He asks the ship’s computer if he’ll survive, she says he won’t. Playing Glenn Miller, as he did when he and Rose danced on the roof of his ship talking about the ambulance, Rose and The Doctor are dancing on the TARDIS parked behind the bomb. They save him, just this once, everybody lives. Switching to “In The Mood,” a personal favorite of mine, The Doctor remembers how to dance… a bit like a dad but he’s dancing. Now Jack’s part of the TARDIS crew.

I can’t say I’m unhappy with the episode, I love the writing, and I love the strong characterization, Richard Wilson make an appearance is a personal highlight, and the acting is great for sci-fi. The only issues I have are the ending being a big red button, common in Who, and that weaponization of a man being gay or bi possibly. It’s a solid fun sci-fi horror adventure during World War 2 without a focus on the actual war. A fantastic nine out of ten.

Next time I get to talk about Raxacoricofallapatorius, some Raxacoricofallapatorians, and probably something about Clom; It might not be time for “Love & Monsters” yet, but I’ll mention it anytime.

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"The Empty Child" & "The Doctor Dances"

9

Score

9.0/10

Pros

• Moffat's brilliant writing.
• Great acting throughout.
• Fantastic cast for the episode.

Cons

• A bit of a red button ending.
• Weaponization of being gay.