I said it last week in the “Dalek” review; I’ll say it here again, I don’t like Adam and I think he’s useless. This entire episode of Doctor Who is a bit of a mixed bag for me overall. I love the actors, I love the setting and how it ties back in later, and I think the idea works, it’s just the monster of the week. “The Long Game” is an episode that does little on its own to set itself apart, but does a great job at setting up for a season finale that you’re not really expecting.

The 4th great and bountiful human empire, or so it is meant to be, known as Satellite 5 is a large pill-shaped thing in space orbiting Earth. It is deadly silent when The Doctor, Rose, and Adam land in the TARDIS, but that just adds to the mystery. Given Adam is Rose’s pet, The Doctor gives her the assumed information on the location, time, and everything else that’s slightly off given the creepiness of it all. It might very well be the 4th great and bountiful empire, and it might be Satellite 5, but the entire station that’s broadcasting all the news from across the galaxy is a little behind schedule on their technological advancements. Something is awry, and it is not just the lack of people on the deck, but the entire station is wrong.

This is one of the few times I’m not going to say much about Eccleston’s performance, I do that enough. He’s cocky, he’s smart, he’s angry, and he’s curious, but he’s not a showcase in the episode. Instead, we’re focusing on Rose and Adam a lot more because this is a companion story and, spoiler alert, Adam’s failure to be a proper companion. A story that’s reportedly been floating around the Who offices since the 80s, but only Davies has taken up the task of writing the episode. The problem is the complete lack of growth we’ve seen from Adam.

As Van Statten’s former alien toy finder, he wasn’t going to be a saint worth saving. Yet, his growth went kind of from zero to sixty, from a dumb human that’s slightly curious about space to someone who sees personal gain, it is almost breakneck speeds for his entire arc. That’s not to say I wanted him around for much longer, I’d have gotten shot of him via a blast from a Dalek. However, here we are, a space station that’s broadcasting news across millions of lightyears and to hundreds of planets.

Soon enough, the empty vendor stalls and “streets” of this dark futuristic space station stolen from 2004’s Battlestar Galactica fill. Hundreds of people are all piled on top of one another; however, that’s the problem that Adam notices, they are all people. There are hundreds of planets across the galaxy, and the only beings on this specific platform, on this specific satellite, and this time are human. In fact, The Doctor is the only alien insight, and he just looks like a bloke from the north. Where are the green, the blue, and the luminous yellow people? Clearly not here.

Needing the kids to go off and play, The Doctor gives Adam and Rose this timeframe’s currency and goes to find trouble. Finding two women, he starts asking questions, questions that make him look stupid. That’s a good thing, he is stupid and needs to find out what Satellite 5 is, where he is, what the place is for, and why it is all a bit weird. Through the questions, he pulls out the psychic paper to pretend he’s from an illustrious “floor 500,” an aspiration goal for these two women: Suki and Cathica. They explain that they broadcast the news, such as The Face of Boe announcing on the “BAD WOLFTU” channel that he’s fallen pregnant with Boemina.

Though as we see The Doctor, Suki, and Cathica talking we get a CCTV shot from management watching them. A frosty haired Simon Pegg, playing “The Editor,” can tell there is something abnormal about this situation. Something he hasn’t constructed and set up himself. Meanwhile, Rose and Adam are… does anyone care? Yes, he’s confused by a beef-based slushy, she’s being a bit flirty and happy with her new man toy, and I’m bored to death. Adam is, understandably, a bit homesick given he’s now in the year 200,000; So Rose shows him the phone that The Doctor “sonic-ed” back in “The End of the World.”

After calling home, an alarm goes off and almost everyone on floor 139 flee. All but The Doctor, Suki, Cathica, and “Mutt and Jeff,” all of whom pique the interest of the editor. This is where the two news reporters take The Doctor, Rose, and Adam to see how it is all packaged up and shipped out to the 500 channels across the system. They are led to a white room with a dental chair in the middle, the back end of GLaDOS handing down from above, and a cult-like circle surrounding the chair with controls around it. It begins to look a bit strange. Cathica sits in the chair with Suki and others around her, she calls for the safety mechanisms to be engaged, and she snaps her fingers.

With this snap a hole forms in her forehead, “And spike” causes GLaDOS’ derriere to beam something straight into the hole in her head. We might be stupid, only accessing a tiny amount of our own brainpower, but with this spike, she’s being used as a computer; Storing, packaging, and shifting news from across hundred-millions of planets in seconds. It is the dream of any news organization big or small, the ability to run every story, every fact, and every opinion all at the same time. It’s almost as if anyone with a desire to even slightly better themselves would use this to gain power, someone who’s seen power used and abused. Yeah, Adam would jump at the chance to have this spike in his head and use all that information for his own betterment.

All the while Simon Pegg is upstairs on floor 500, trying to figure out who is not meant to be down there on floor 139. This is where he suspects Suki and the monster makes its first loud announcement. The Jagrafess, a nipple with teeth that The Editor is scared of, for some unknown reason. I’ll have the same issue next week with “Father’s Day,” but the monster of the week isn’t an interesting piece or even scary. The presence of the Jegrafess seems like a waste of time showing that The Editor is only being a bad person because of the thing scaring him. It’s a nice satirical poke at news media and particularly that of British newspapers such as The Sun, News of the World, and other Murdoch owned papers.

Beyond this point, there’s not really much to develop on. Suki gets promoted to floor 500, where The Editor and the Jagrafess sit. Adam installs a spike in his head with the help of Tamsin Greig, the wonderful Fran from Black Books, and he tries to get this past The Doctor so he can make himself rich. Rose thinks he’s… stupid would be the PG way of saying it. Then nothing really happens to The Editor; It’s implied he’s dead via the demise of the Jagrafess, but it doesn’t really bring anything of him to a close. The entire end feels like a wave of the hand, the magic red button, or something else, there’s a lack of hero moments.

Utmost, it’s entertaining in that fun sci-fi way that Doctor Who has, but doesn’t feel required. We could have easily jumped from “Dalek” to “Father’s Day” without missing much, all we get is Eccleston being the angry dad after his son broke something. It does give us a setting to return to later on in the Who timeline, possibly see where the station advances to following the release of the stranglehold the Jagrafess had on technological progress. Other than that, we’ve gotten rid of a character introduced an episode before.

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Doctor Who "The Long Game"

5.5

Score

5.5/10

Pros

• Fun episode.
• Great guest actors with Pegg and Greig.
• A fantastic satirical poke at media.

Cons

• Doesn't add or prove useful overall
• A flat villain