Well, I’m glad someone at the Epic Games Store has a sense of humor when it comes to these articles. At least it seems that way when there are four games I couldn’t care about less about. Nonetheless, let’s promote some nonsense I’d care more about if it was in its grave; mostly because then I could dance on it. This isn’t to add to the horror implements of the month in which Halloween falls, I’d rather eat toilet paper (not used) than spend time around something with the name “Alan Wake” attached.

However, I’d like to start today with a bit about Observer (Stylized: “>observer_“). Sometimes I don’t know how any developer survives to make absolute drivel, especially that of some of the most boring slurry ever created; I’m including the stuff pigs roll around in. I am speaking about something so dull that Everyone’s Gone To The Rapture would be sitting on the fictional bus I’d make up for a simile to describe how boring it is. That’s damning praise for a game labeled as “psychological horror.”

If by psychological you mean “bored the tears off of everyone that’s played it” you would be bang on the money. It is the weakest attempt at its own themes I have seen; and that’s coming from someone who enjoyed the particularly diluted themes of Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, a game which is the much more interesting equivalent. If you want the same experience of Observer but without playing it, just watch Blade Runner through a kaleidoscope. Then you’d have depth and color, two things Observer doesn’t have.

Inherently, what causes the most issues with Observer, is how it is paced. The psychological horror would only work if there was something to be scared about and good timing; instead, Observer is a walking simulator (i.e drama) about a dystopian future with stealth sections out of nowhere. For a while, it will be the usual exposition of near-futuristic extravagance that someone with half a working eye or an audio description tool could work out. Then almost randomly there can and will be moments of hiding from something big in the corner.

It all has the whiff of someone making the thing they know how to do, in a style they want to convey, but don’t know about subtlety or how not to run after cliques like an excitable dog. I’ll get back to that thought in a second, but really, that’s all that has to be said on Observer: you will spend some time observing a dull Blade Runner knock-off and hide in the corner. If you want to kill a few hours before observing the next inevitable argument on Twitter, this might be the one for you.

I’ve previously gone down on Alan Wake. No, that doesn’t sound right: Alan Wake has gone down on Stephen King one too many times to come up with fine makeup and perfectly normal hair. I have, however, been down with the sickness to give the romanticizing sod an early grave for the Stephen King business before. Now that I’ve said Stephen King’s name a few times in a paragraph that’s about one-third as many as Alan Wake does; we’ve summoned another game about him, Happy Halloween.

I shan’t talk too much about the American Nightmare bit because that’s several easy jokes about everyone’s opinion on politics: left or right, you think there’s some kind of nightmare. Instead of dropping to his knees for Stephen King this time, Alan Cumming’s American Bummer drops at Rod Serling‘s feet. To update that reference for all generations: replace Rod Serling’s name with either Charles Aidman, Robin Ward, Forest Whitaker, or more recently, Jordan Peele.

My main issue with Gerry Anderson’s American Strife would be the gameplay. It is Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V from before. However, being the fictional open-world of The Twilight Zone but boring and pretentious, it wants the air of the zombie-horror comedy game that Dead Rising played with for a bit, but falls flat. It is heavily referential to it being a weird situation and rolls around in pulp-fiction like those pig in slurry I mentioned earlier. Again, my opinion is how it is generally a bit bland, but holds off having to reply to those emails you never wanted in the first place.

Alan Wake’s American Nightmare and Observer are both free on the Epic Games store until the 24th of October. This is where I get to bring back two things I’ve set up: the first being that it is another double-bill, so I’ll be angry about another two games next week; and Bloober Team’s other walking simulator reported as horror is to horror what a squeaky toy does to that shower scene in Psycho. The latter being something I once again already own and have already played a bit of. So really, half my work is already done for me.

Next week on the 24th you will be able to pick up either the first-person puzzle game Q.U.B.E. 2. Yes, I do believe I can hear GLaDOS being condescending as we speak. The other thing, because apparently, horror is a game yelling that there was a bit of blood around the place or a thing arbitrarily moving, Layers of Fear will also be free. I’d like to say I’d be excited about something new and interesting on my radar next week, but I’m really not.

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