I’m bored. Sorry, usually I give more of a build-up to my opinion on any given topic. By Jove, Effie left me bored. With over one-hundred and fifty articles, a couple of dozen reviews, hundreds of games, and several gallons of coffee that have left me staring at the blinky little cursor for months. I honestly couldn’t think of anything to say: I’d play a bit of Effie, I’d look at the cursor, sit on the toilet, look at Instagram, and suddenly four months had passed.

There’s nothing bad about Effie, it is your typical “Action-Adventure,” trying to ape the mascot platformers of the PS1 and early PS2. While also trying to input every gaming nuance of today. The problem with that is how nostalgic someone in their 20s, 30s, or 40s might be of that, one of which I am. To simply say, my old and calloused opinions of video games aren’t going to show great affection for something trying so hard to be everything triple-A games are and something I loved. Arguably the best comparison one could give for that extraneous sentence would be Spyro.

That’s what Effie is, a bigger, wider, and blander Spyro the Dragon. A very open world to explore, a world of fantasy, though for all that it doesn’t have the nostalgia. Even now, I look back at Spyro and think it was bigger and greater in my mind before going back to it. Though comparisons don’t do it justice to explain just why I couldn’t enjoy or be gripped by Effie. The reason, which I can only assume is that there’s nothing special to it.

Effie is the name of a very young girl, one that Disney aim their princess stories too, who is being told a story. The story of this great old man with a medium-sized grey beard, grey hair, and a name I can’t remember for the life of me. That’s the issue, nothing is memorable within its own right. While I’ve been trying to get some kind of review out of this, I’ve jokingly referred to Effie as something trying desperately to be a Dreamworks game, but without any of the jokes for parents. That’s a lie, there’s a reference to a liquid grape drink that’s not wine.

Though with the theory of a grand adventure being told to a daughter or granddaughter, you are placed in the belly of a castle. From here you are slowly taught how to jump, how to move, how to attack, and in my case, how to get stuck in a bit of terrain because I am an idiot. Gradually you are climbing up and through this castle out on the balcony area to find the villain, a character of complete malevolence.

The issue with the villain and enemies to fight is their part in the story. Nothing complements another part of the game, the combat is weightless, the story doesn’t or isn’t working hand-in-hand with gameplay, and it all feels like someone asked, “What’s popular?” As stated, this claim is backed up with nothing feeling original. Once you’ve met corporeal malevolence, the world goes from a tightly designed level of platforms and systematic monster-bashing to nothing.

This tutorial castle level isn’t the best of them all, though it is a sign of promise. Sure the platforming isn’t too great, the combat is lifeless, and the scenery is dull, but it is the best the game has to offer. This makes the open-world segment afterward confusing. There’s nothing to do or enjoy in this endless landscape of red grass and monolithic level selects. There are some small sections, such as the graveyard, that provide moments of more empty combat and things to collect.

With all that, does the narrative hold up? No. With the open-world, there are two good things, but as much as those are added it detracts from everything else. With the story being told through a bedtime story-esque medium we have the old man, I still can’t remember his name, often saying upon deaths: “Oh, it wasn’t like that.” Though, as much as random drownings give that nice touch, I’m sure the story would suffice as much in a linear narrative.

The second part that is brilliant is the setting and aesthetic, but then you see why it is there. In the combat, you have a shield which is both a weapon and your defense. However, in the open-world, it is your Marty Mcfly hoverboard, pure brilliance as a means to traverse the world. Then you see the size of the world and realize it is only there because walking these huge distances would be boring. Effie is no Skyrim, without side-quests and reasons to be in the open-world, your hoverboard is little more than a toy taken away after a few moments.

In conclusion, Effie isn’t fun for your aged nostalgic mind demanding that more mascot platformers are made. It isn’t all that great to play overall, so who is it for? I can only assume Effie is a game aimed at parents looking to shut their small children up for five minutes, possibly to get them away from their iPhones. Though I do believe it isn’t the game that will last in that child’s mind for the rest of time, as platformers of years gone by have for many.

A PS4 review copy of Effie was provided by Inverge Studios for this review.

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Effie

$19.99 USD

5

Score

5.0/10

Pros

• The hoverboard is fun.

Cons

• Overall is a little bland.
• Lifeless combat.
• Needlessly open-world.
• Easily forgettable.