In the private little chats that we have here at Phenixx Gaming, I have called David Cage games, “penile excretion on a white page,” and “if Harvey Weinstein wrote a script about sexual assault, it would be less self-congratulatory.” To say the very least, I’ve not been a fan David Cage from playing his early games to seeing his more recent work. In his first proper Cage game, he put himself into the game, not only this but he is portrayed as a movie director. Almost as a prelude to what people would later call him, strangely enough.

Anyway, enough about Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy, it was his second game that hit new heights of test human patience. His second grand adventure into “interactive story experience,” Heavy Rain was strangely more self-congratulatory than his first sit down in a chair. Ultimately, Heavy Rain is the balance between a video game and men getting sexually excited about blank paper. There is one scene in the whole ten hours that I’d highly recommend playing, but it is too far in to say “Pay X amount to play this one scene.”

Which brings me to his third “proper Cage game,” Beyond Two Souls. At this point, I had cottoned on to the David Cage rage gauge with Ellen Page; I knew it was going to be another series of laboriously bumbling about in a room waiting for the plot to happen. So, of course, I did like many and just watched a majority of the boredom through YouTube on PC. However, now you can play Ellen Page’s rage mage on PC.

Yes, this entire article has been to say that Beyond: Two Souls is now on PC thanks to the Epic Games store. If you somehow forgot what “the experience” is all about, it is a game where you play as Ellen Page and her ghosty mate on their sitcom adventures. She wants to live a normal life, as much of a normal life as you can have can with William Dafoe around, and her ghost best-friend keeps killing everyone. Though what ‘Dafoe on a lasso’ lacks is anything to keep you going. It drags a bit as you move through boring rooms, flipping the tables as your ghostly companion.

Nonetheless, now you can play Paranormal Activity: The return of Cage on PC. As is David Cage’s heavy downpour, which released last month on PC. One would assume that next month is the release of Cage’s clumsy game about robot racism, Detroit: Become Human.

Phenixx Gaming is everywhere you are. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.